I was wondering if anyone has any advice, tips or been in this position and can help at all.

My 19 month old daughter is biting.  It's been going on for quite a while now.  She's at nursery three days a week and last Wednesday was her worst day yet - she bit four other children.  I can't remember the last time I picked her up at nursery and she hadn't bitten someone.  When it happens there they take her away from the situation and make her sit on her own for a few minutes.  They tell her it's not nice and that she can't bite.  They're not allowed to say naughty or bad.  At home I put her outside the room for a minute or so.

She'll bite for many reasons.  To get something from a child she wants, to get attention from the carer if she's reading a story to another child, she'll bite the child on their knee, if you're trying to stop her doing something and put your arm out to stop her, she'll bite you.  On other occassions it would appear she bites for no reason, like when I was cuddling her, she bit my tummy.

It's really becoming a huge problem and I can completely understand the other side of it, where some poor child is on the receiving end and is being bitten every day at nursery.  I certainly wouldn't be happy if it was Alix.  The nursery don't really know what to do with her, apart from what they are.

I would welcome any advice you can give as to how to put a stop to this.  I don't want her to grow up to be a bully and am worried that it will affect her relationships with other children.  Nursery were keen to advise me that she can and does also play nicely with the other children.

Sorry this has been a bit long winded.

You have no other concerns with regards behaviour?  Has she had a hearing test?  Maybe she cannot hear being told off?

I could say what I would do but would be shot down in flames for it.  How about a firm and forceful "No!" much like you would to shock a dog into stopping bad behaviour?  If it gives her a fright the first time from the force of the voice then she will remember it better.  The first 3 years of a child's life are the most important as this is when they learn to respect boundaries (or should).

Hope you get it sorted soon.

Could she be teething?

I saw this on another website;

> Your toddler is likely to be "teething" throughout almost the whole of the second year, and may suffer a great deal more from it than he did in the first.

http://www.babycentre.co.uk/toddler/caringfor/teethingsecondyear/

If her gums are sore that could be encouraging her to bite.

If she bites someone whilst with you, you could try shouting a firm NO!, then moving her away but still in sight, and then giving the bitten child/person your undivided attention whilst completely ignoring her. If she bites you, you could immediately end whatever you were doing with her. So if you're having a cuddle and she bites, put her down and walk away and don't comfort her.

Good luck :-)

Does she get a nap in the day ?
Maybe she is tired and grumpy . 

>If she bites someone whilst with you, you could try shouting a firm NO!, then moving her away but still in sight, and then giving the bitten child/person your undivided attention whilst completely ignoring her. If she bites you, you could immediately end whatever you were doing with her. So if you're having a cuddle and she bites, put her down and walk away and don't comfort her.

Sounds like the advise for puppies too.....

When my now 13 year old sister used to bite me as a toddler my mum would bite her to show her that its naughty and that it hurts.

>my mum would bite her to show her that its naughty and that it hurts.

Thus teaching her that even grown-ups bite when they're cross ... :-(

Well she stopped it after afew lessons of this personally i dont think it was teaching her that grown ups bite its teaching her the feeling and to know what its like being bitten, it after all wasnt being done out of frustration.  what happened to the days when a kid that smacked another kid there punishment was a smack too.

No doubt about it, those days taught hypocrisy too. "I'm allowed to smack someone when they're naughty, but you're not allowed to" was just as hypocritical.

> I could say what I would do but would be shot down in flames for it.

If you're thinking what I think you're thinking    then that's exactly what my father did to me when I used to take a nip out of my sister at around a similar age, I soon stopped. There is an 18 month age difference between us and I was suffering from sibling rivalry, I'm not saying that this is the way to proceed and I would doubt that the nursery would be happy to nibble on children.
I do agree that firm hadling of this behaviour is needed and little one needs to learn very quickly that it is not acceptable behaviour.

I would definately get a hearing check done, as it could be a communication frustration thing, I wonder also if perhaps little one is stressed at nursery and not ready for it. I would also seek advice from Doctor and Health Visitor.

Thus teaching her that even grown-ups bite when they're cross ...

Not necessarily. 

I would definately get a hearing check done, as it could be a communication frustration thing, I wonder also if perhaps little one is stressed at nursery and not ready for it. I would also seek advice from Doctor and Health Visitor.

My youngest brother had problems at school and we discovered his hearing was only partial in one ear.

Im very very old fashioned and you would not want my advice! however, as a previous writer at Nursery my son was bitten twice by a toddler (they were both aged 2) I ended up removing my son Joe bit right through Ben's cheek, It turned out the other child was partially deaf, and when he got his hearing aid he improved 100%.

Its funny now as they are both 24 great friends and I still embarass them both by informing new mates Joe used to bite Ben!! and must have liked the taste.

Ohh I didnt say that in my post but I stopped biting that way to, its not legal now but then it worked!! Katie still remembers how I stopped Sam biting!!! (he's 22 now). I remember my Mum stopping me in the 1950's never did it again.

Hi Simone

I can understand your concern and confusion of how best to go about stopping what appears to have become a habit.  The difficulties in finding the ideal solution are in part hampered by the fact that the little one is at nursery.

Personally I would have given my daughter two warnings for this behaviour (at home at that age though) by way of a firmly toned 'Ah, Ah!' and ceasing whatever interaction was going on - whether with me or another child.  Third time TBH she'd have got a smack.  I know it's very non PC in today's world to mention smacking children as some view it as veering towards child abuse - you will know your own feelings on that and I wouldn't attempt to persuade you towards mine.

Being at nursery, even if you were leaning towards smacking her yourself, then I'm sure like most parents you would not give permission for someone else to discipline your child  physically.  At 19 months 'reasoning' with children re negative consequences of their actions is hit and miss as their developments differ hugely and that aside any toddler has little grasp of consequences unless an action is repeated whether vocally, time-out or a more negative consequence such as a smack.

I agree that it is worthwhile contacting your GP or health visitor to have a hearing test done and perhaps they can give you advice on how best to overcome this habit sooner rather than later.

regards, Teri

It turned out the other child was partially deaf, and when he got his hearing aid he improved 100%.

>

When my youngest boy was about 2yrs although he didn't bite anybody he did have big 'paddies' and he was also very distant and lacking in concentration and patience, after a hearing test he was found to have really really bad glue ear and only about 20% hearing, once grommits were fitted he absolutely blossomed and all of his frustrations faded away.

I can't really offer anything but I am quite surprised that the nursery does not seem to have any strategy for dealing with a fairly common problem I should imagine.  They are the professionals after all and ought to have covered this in their training or perhaps could seek guidance from their governing body.  As I say, it seems strange to me that they should have to.  They could then offer you guidance as to how to continue at home.  I would be inclined to give them a prod. 

> When my youngest boy was about 2yrs although he didn't bite anybody he did have big 'paddies' and he was also very distant and lacking in concentration and patience, after a hearing test he was found to have really really bad glue ear and only about 20% hearing, once grommits were fitted he absolutely blossomed and all of his frustrations faded away.

My second daughter was the same.
She didn't bite but she was very....erm, challenging! :-D
The grommits made all the difference to her behaviour.

Yes I was really upset as Ben was my first born and this little sod was really hurting him, we were new in the village and his Mum was a Church verger type thing so I retired muttering. Anyway he was about 75%deaf and has turned into a lovely boy who spends a lot of time with Ben at school and now as adults.

Luckily only one of mine bit but Im told by my Aunties (I had 6 of them!!) that I was a terrible biter, but Im not deaf I just was a little cow!!!

I think the nursery should have a plan in place for this is hardly the little mites fault but the other children should be protected from bites if they break the skin the germs in your mouth can cause a nasty reaction.

My Oh's daughter fell over (as a child) and bit through her cheek and had to have plastic surgery on the scar which really swelled.

> Sounds like the advise for puppies too.....<IMG alt=eek src="/images/eek.gif">

:-D So true! I'm often amused by how similar some of the techniques for puppies and children are.

Not so much puppies/dogs and "children" (as in anything younger than a teenager), but certainly toddlers :-D  It's all about boundaries at that age as dogs and toddlers are constantly testing them.  Similar with teenagers.

I would hope that if she is doing this regularly, she is under close supervision and told in no uncertain tones that it is unacceptable.
At 19 months she's too young to 'be bitten back', but she must be able to understand what her 'time out is for.
I am sorry for you as raising children is hard work, they need to know when something is wrong and be clear about it.
I wouldn't say 'it's not nice'......I would try a very firm NO. You should show her your disapproval.
She is maybe too young still for time out to be any use.
Good luck
Karen

I have tried the majority of these suggestions to be honest.  She had a hearing test done when she was born and there was nothing picked up then.  I've spoken to my hubby's aunt who's a retired GP and she wasn't able to offer any advice.  Unfortunately, it's mostly while she's at nursery that this happens, although she has bitten a friend's kid too.

When she bites I currently put her out the room and she cries at the door.  Nothing seems to be getting through to her.

The fact that she'll bite you to stop you doing something she doesn't want makes me think that she does know what she's doing.

> what happened to the days when a kid that smacked another kid there punishment was a smack too.

it was made illegal.

Are her language skills average for her age? She may bite through frustration at not being able to say what she wants to.

> what happened to the days when a kid that smacked another kid there punishment was a smack too.
>it was made illegal.

Not in England and Wales. It's still legal to smack a child, but not hard enough to leave a mark.

Thats why the world is going to pot, i dont mean a full on slap across the face, but a smack on the bum and sent to bed.

> Personally I would have given my daughter two warnings for this behaviour (at home at that age though) by way of a firmly toned 'Ah, Ah!' and ceasing whatever interaction was going on - whether with me or another child.&nbsp; Third time TBH she'd have got a smack.&nbsp; I know it's very non PC in today's world to mention smacking children as some view it as veering towards child abuse - you will know your own feelings on that and I wouldn't attempt to persuade you towards mine.
>

teri thats exactly what my parents did and i think it did my sister and i no harm and much good- two clear warnings then punnishment. i feel it taught us that mistakes are possible and bad moods etc understood but if we continued in bad behaviour there would be consequeces.

> Not in England and Wales. It's still legal to smack a child, but not hard enough to leave a mark.

interesting. biting pretty much always leaves some kind of mark though.

> When she bites I currently put her out the room and she cries at the door.&nbsp; Nothing seems to be getting through to her.
>

we also got this and were told we couldn;t come back till "we were socially acceptable" (i.e. willing to apologise :))

Her speech isn't brilliant, but I've been told that this doesn't become an issue unless they're over two and not saying anything.  She can really only say a few words.  She does, however, understand what you're saying to her - for example, if you ask her to bring you her shoes, she will.

I have also been trying to give her lots of praise when she does good things.  Like, when my friend was round with her 7 month old son she was trying to take the toys away from him.  I told her that she had to share her toys and when she put them in front of him I told her that she was very good and that mummy was very proud of her for sharing.

Picking her up from nursery now isn't the pleasant experience you would imagine, although it's not because they're making me feel terrible, it's just because I do.  Also, when I'm with friends with their children I'm worried that she's going to bite them, although I really don't think it shows or that it's something she's picked up on, as this has only been the past couple of weeks that we've seen friends with kids.

I had one that didnt really talk until aged 3 couldn't be bothered.
It could be frustration, I think time out is the only action now a days. At 19 months she is too small to know whats right and wrong without guidance, removal from the other child, time out is about it.

What the frustration you have is why is she doing this? Doctors any other ideas? Mine started talking very quickly at Nursey school when he needed to be understood, but Aniesha (age 5 now) has oversized adanoids and talks through her nose now, Doctors think she will grow into her adanoids and will not remove them yet. She is better but still really nasal, Ambur is clear as a bell at 2 but she has other issues, most children do. She will grow out of it but be firm and patient really.

Hi again Simone,

can I ask, have you smacked her for this behaviour after due attempts to stop it?  I realise we each have different parenting styles and this is a potentially emotive topic and hope you wont feel offended by the question. 

For example I didn't try to encourage my child to 'share' toys or anything else when she was little as to me that is unnatural for them and so ensured for visitors or when we were visiting others with small children there were sufficiently similar toys to avoid the need for sharing.  I think trying to teach sharing at a young age could lead to frustration - only my opinion based on personal observations and not on guidelines by GPs, health visitors, parenting groups, psychiatrists or anything formal at all!

When she was older and able to have things explained to her, i.e. manners basically and kindness towards others, then I encouraged sharing if there appeared to be a problem presenting itself but not before..... 

I think you need to be careful that she is being given instructions than she doesnt understand and is becoming frustrated, or maybe there is someone at nursery who has been making her life difficult and biting is her defense strategy. I have learned (my 3rd son is autistic so we have had to learn a lot about behaviour) that we often expect children to understand quite complex statements - which they are not capable of understanding. She's only a year and a half old and they *all* go through a biting stage. A firm NO, and a distraction is all I would do to deal with it - wouldnt smack and wouldnt do time out at that age.

Hi Simone

Children do pick up parents anxiety sometimes but don't worry we all go through varying stages of it as it is all part of being a parent !

I would have a word with nursery and tell them exactly how you want her to be told off and if they seem reluctant to follow your request then I would have a word with somebody more senior. If that fails then I would look for an alternative nursery as they should be working with you when it comes to looking after your little one.

As for discipline at home I have always been a great believer in the word 'no' in a firm and audible way. I have never been one to child proof my house as have taught them what is acceptable to touch and what behaviour is acceptable and what isn't.

Also has she had a few colds over the winter as this may have been affecting her hearing and still could be so well worth getting her hearing checked out.

Hi Earl
When my son was 2yrs old he went to a small private nursery every morning. The nursery approched me and said he was biting the other children quite a lot,well as  you do i felt very upset by this,and i didnt know what to do.
I had his hearing tested as someone suggested and that was fine.
He never did this when he was at home with us,so was quite difficult to tell him off,as he wouldnt know what i was talking about at 2yrs old.

Next we recieved a letter from the nursery asking us to leave.....i was so upset i thought i had bred a monster.
He went to my best friends sons birthday party and bit her sons ear and made it bleed,she proceeded to tell him off very harshly,to which i said nothing,as i was pleased she did.
He then went onto big nursery at the main school and we never had any trouble again.
He is 24 now and only bites his girlfriends ear thankgoodness.

Dont worry im sure it will pass before you know it.

> She had a hearing test done when she was born and there was nothing picked up then

I don't know if it's different now but back in the 'olden days' of the 80's when I had my brood, all of my new babes had hearing tests and my youngest was found to be ok at that time, his hearing problem must have developed over the next few years. By the time he was 2yrs I had noticed that he didn't 'talk' as well as the other two had at a similar age, he couldn't say sharp sounds like tr for tree or c for cat and he shouted all the time. He used to get very frustrated when playing with his older brother and sister as they would gabble away nineteen to the dozen (like mother). If I were you I would insist on amother hearing check.

> Unfortunately, it's mostly while she's at nursery that this happens,

This seems to me also to be a very telling comment, I wonder as I've already said if perhaps your little on is missing mummy and is not ready for nursery.

I have to admit to being very old fashioned and I believe under 5's and especially under 2's need to be with mummy and not at nursery. I know this is difficult for some as they have to work, when mine were young we were not wealthy, money was very tight and I would have found that working helped things but I chose to stay at home until they started school.

If you do not work I would take little one out of nursery for a while, if you do work do you have any friends or relatives that could have little one so that she has more one to one contact rather than being one of a large number.

I have started not working on a Thursday to give her more time with me.  I think for Alix it's important that she goes to nursery, as she's going to be an only child and needs to learn how to socialise with other children.  She has recently bitten my friends kid when I've been there.

Very well, then how about getting some littlies around your house when you're home? Do you have any girl-friends that have smalls, perhaps you could teach her social skills in a smaller group with you monitoring her behaviour and being very firm when she over steps the mark and do this every week alongside her going to nursery, good excuse for coffee and a chin wag if nothing else :)

I would still get her ears re-checked though.

This is what I've been doing on a Thursday for the past few weeks and she still managed to bite one little boy.  He was on the chair and she climbed on and bit him on the arm for no apparant reason.  She didn't seem angry or upset, nor were any toys involved.  There was absolutely no reason I could see for her to bite him.  I put her out of the room for a minute or so.  When I let her back in, we ignored her and focused our attention on Calum for about a minute.  Then told her to come and say sorry to Calum for biting him, but, to be honest, she can't say sorry yet, so it was pretty much just going through the motion.

i know not one thing about children as they arent my cup of tea, but i was one once so....
maybe shes getting bullied herself at nursery and it hasnt been picked up on as it may be more subtle?
she may be taking her anger out on others. they do say bullies create bullies.
just a guess again i know not a thing about kids

> but, to be honest, she can't say sorry yet, so it was pretty much just going through the motion.

just because she can't say it doesn't mean she can't learn to feel it. if she sees that you, who she loves, are sad or angry or disappointed in her hopefully she'll learn. I'd say keep this up, every time you do it a little more understanding that biting is not ok will sink in.

Biting is a very common behaviour, although it's a bit like having a dog that eats its own poo - some people view it as a social stigma and don't talk about it!!  A friend of mine had a biter - she grew out of it, my neice was a bit inclined to chomp too but she also grew out of it. 

The general consensus is that they do grow out of it.  She isn't making a conscious decision to bite but her biting is getting a satisfactory response.  It can be an attention seeking behaviour but some kids are also more orally fixated than others.  One of the most important ways that very young children learn is to explore new objects with their mouths and to some degree the biting is a natural extension to this.

It sounds as if the nursery are managing things ok but I can understand how much this worries you.  You could visit your GP for some reassurance and you may get some good advice or pointed in the direction of some help groups.  Is your daughter still teething?  It's worth giving her gums and teeth a once over.

The need to bite and chew is as strong in some children as it is in puppies - it's not ok for them to bite other people but you also don't want it to become a big deal in your lives.  Time out and distractions whilst she is at nursery is the way to go but make sure you keep talking to the staff to ensure that they know you are concerned and doing your best to manage it too.  You do need to be vigilant and ready to deflect when she is with you.  In the meantime have you thought about offering her some chew toys?  It sounds daft but it does work for some children.  I'm not suggesting you give her a Kong but she must have some things that give her comfort to suck, hold or chew.  It may just help her when she is needing some comfort or feeling frustrated. 

Something Dogs A Babe said has just made a lightbulb go off in my head :-) 

Earl, does your daughter suck her thumb?  If so then what Babe says is quite true, your wee one could be an oral expresser.  My brother is a hand expresser (drums his hands and fingers constantly, very annoying).  Perhaps giving her finger foods such as carrot and apple etc to carry round and munch on might help her?  Certainly I sometimes need the comfort of putting something in my mouth and having a good old chew :-)  Like we do with puppies, you just make sure she bites into the right things.

Yes, she's sucks her thumb and she puts almost everything in her mouth.  She'll carry toys in her mouth if her hands are full - I don't know if she learnt this from the dog!

Something nursery mentioned is that she takes dummies out of the other kids mouths and puts them in her own (if she's not stopped in time).  She's never had a dummy and it's not something I'm keen to give her at this stage to be honest.

It's hard to get a kid off a dummy once they are on it.  Might be worth while giving her a packed lunch sort of thing with lots of finger foods?  As a child I was a chronic thumb sucker and now I am a chronic snacker lol!

> Yes, she's sucks her thumb and she puts almost everything in her mouth.  She'll carry toys in her mouth if her hands are full - I don't know if she learnt this from the dog!
>
> Something nursery mentioned is that she takes dummies out of the other kids mouths and puts them in her own (if she's not stopped in time).  She's never had a dummy and it's not something I'm keen to give her at this stage to be honest.

I don't like dummies either but consider: she is trying to tell you something.  Look for alternatives you feel comfortable with but remember that it may be worth following her choice - particularly when at nursery.  Whatever she likes may be better than biting :)

If she is allowed to regress a little now (oral comfort), she will most likely move forward faster in the long run, and don't panic she'll soon ditch the dummy when she's ready, and as soon as she notices that the 'big girls' don't have them...  (((((Mum, put the bottle of wine down!! :) )))))

AT 19 months she should still be registered to a health visitor, there is normally a drop in clinic at your local surgery, I found them a god send when mine were at that age.

> It's hard to get a kid off a dummy once they are on it.

No it's not - we 'left' our daughter's on holiday and that was that !!!!!  Others 'give' them to Father Christmas in return for a very exciting toy .