On Tuesday I had a call from the ex-MIL who had heard about Ellie dying.  She got very upset and so did I, she loved Ellie.

Then I got a call from the vet asking me to go in and pick up Ellie's ashes.

THEN  I had a call from a woman renting a house at the back of us asking if she could keep our cat, Oliver!!  Apparently he's been pretty much living there and she loves him!  I knew someone was feeding him, as he hadn't been home as much as usual.  He's not really settled since we moved house and Sasha does have a tendency to hassle him.  This woman said there's only her and her husband and no other pets.  I was pretty upset, particularly after the day I'd had so I said I'd think about it and ring her back.  She said I could go round to check that he'd have a good home.

I just don't know what to do!!  I love him to bits, we've had him 6 years, he was a rescue kitten.  But on the other hand I can see that living with her would be better for him, but what if she moves away, she is only renting though she said they'd be here for at least another 2 years.  My FiL reckons I should go and get my cat and demand that she stop feeding him!

Any advice?

Tell your cat not to go around there?  :)

i would say yes, the lady asked in fairness so she seems to be ok, you know where she lives and has invited you to go round. and cats being cats it will most likely still pop to yours from time to time.
as everyone knows they are opportunistic and will go where they choose anyway, however that said you can only do what you feel is right.

The thing about cats is that they go where they like and you can't really stop it unless it becomes a house cat , however i would be concerned as to what this person is doing to entice the cat there , also what will she do if she moves ?
Does she realise that if she takes the cat on she must feed , worm , flea , vaccinate and pay ALL vet bills for the rest of the cats life?

If it was me i'd slap her across the face with a wet kipper and beat a hasty retreat with my cat firmly under my arm , and threaten her with cat napping !!!!

>If it was me i'd slap her across the face with a wet kipper and beat a hasty retreat with my cat firmly under my arm

Mental picture - classic :-D  :-D  :-D

I agree, cats that are allowed to roam will go where they please so if this cat's out and about at will there's not much you can do.  However very valid points re ongoing expenses for years to come and the possibility of this neighbour moving, becoming infirm, even dying......

Were this my call (and cat) I'd be inclined to politely but firmly request she ceased offering food and company to this wayward puss and then try to re-establish my own relationship with the cat :)

Why, oh why, do people feel the need to feed other peoples' cats?  I'd be furious. :(

If you get your cat back you need to make sure that the cat can enter the house , get to it's food and drink , and have a safe place to sleep where the dog can't get to it .
Maybe invest in some baby gates .    If the cat isn't happy it will go elsewhere .

She has said she'd take over paying for vet care.

I know, I'd never feed anyone elses cat.  She said she thought he'd been abandoned - yeah right, that's why he always has a collar and tag on!!

Why can't she just get her own flippin cat!!

I'm more upset than angry - I feel like I'm losing my pets one after the other!

If that's how you feel then tell her no, she can't keep your cat and could she please stop feeding him and letting him into her house.  And, as someone else said, then try and rebuild your relationship with said cat.  You love him and give him a good home.  Why should you be upset by all this?

I suppose the reason I'm upset is that part of me feels that Ollie will be happier there than here.  If I make him come back, I'll be doing it for me not him.

> part of me feels that Ollie will be happier there than here

Not so Paula - he's been coerced into thinking the grass is greener (or fish fishyierr - word? probably not :-D )

Chin up - get him a really special supper for a few weeks and bingo, he'll stay where he belongs.  In the meantime I think it's important that you ensure he has a safe haven when he's home and lots of personal attention from you to make him feel secure again :)

She's poaching your puddy tat Paula!

It would be a polite no from me and I'd explain that of course he'll come to her if she continues to feed him, it's not that he prefers her to you, he's a simple cat governed by his bellly!  :) 2 years is a short time too, cat could be back to square one again!

My long gone cat used to quite happily eat other people's offerings, I never really minded but I think I would have done if any of them wanted to keep her, its a difficult one because cats go where they like, if this does make you very unhappy just politely ask her not to feed your cat anymore as its your cat and you dont want him to live anywhere else.

I just wonder why she doesn't get her own cat though??

Odd.

my neighbours had 3 cats but they would still encourage mine round there.  My boy would go round for food then have a sleep on their bed ready to go out hunting at night which would really frustrate me because I wanted to keep them in at night and the only way to get them in was rumbling tummies.  I repeatedly asked them not to let him in and not to feed him, they denied feeding him.  My boy ended up getting run over one night :(

> It would be a polite no from me and I'd explain that of course he'll come to her if she continues to feed him, it's not that he prefers her to you, he's a simple cat governed by his bellly!  :-) 2 years is a short time too, cat could be back to square one again!

Say no Paula.  He's your cat

...although he does sound a bit like Six Dinner Sid!!  He should take care that his multi house multi meal habit doesn't get him multi vet trips too...

This was my kids favourite book when they were little as it reminded us of our cat.  Have a read, it'll cheer you up :)

Sometimes...... animals choose us before we choose them.

Paula,

I'm afraid I haven't come to tell you what you want to hear pumpkin...
I think you know already, deep down what to do..

I have had 2 experiences of this my own cat and someone else's.
In the instance of my own cat we asked the people down the lane to stop feeding him (he was actually lactose intolerant and coming home and yakking up!) They did and were very helpful and embarrassed.... he still went to them! and ended living with them (I asked them, not the other way round)

Second instance I was on the receiving end! I was on an overseas contract living in Benuos Aires, my neighbours cat always slipped through the window, for the first week I ignored him (knowing how it was to have a cat 'napped' ;)) I never fed him.. he stayed with me for 6 months and when I moved out and a colleaugue took over the apartment.... the cat visited and ended up staying with him...and he hated cats!!!!

I was devasted when I had to accept my cat was happier else where, but non the less I had to accept it.
Maybe you could explain your boy is much loved but a glutton would she mind not feeding him. (don't let her know you're considering it... or she'll cave and feed him.... but if she doesn't feed him and he still goes to them, then the decisions been made really.)

Good Luck xx
(((HUUUUGE HUG))))
I think boys are just big fat carpet baggers ;)

Our cat would sleep home at night then, when we left for work in the morning, he'd go next door; sit on our neighbours front doorstep to activate their security light and internal buzzer, whereupon they'd get up out of bed and let him in!

He'd hang out with them for the day but was always at home when we got back, ready for his next meal and his evening kip.  Luxury for him, security for us, and comfort for our elderly neighbours.  They had all the pleasure of cat owning without any of the responsibility.  We moved a long time ago and nearly 15 years later, they say they still miss him :)

Perhaps your neighbour would be happy with cat 'day care' services rather than full board and food.  It's nice to know that there is someone else to keep an eye on your chap but you musn't feel obliged to give him away for that.

> ...although he does sound a bit like Six Dinner Sid

Haha that's like our cat Smokey too - though he has a belly to go with the name. We discovered that this is one reason why his diets don't work, we have often had to ask people not to feed him, but have also discovered he lets himself in through their cat flaps and helps himself anyway...

One of my neighbours at our old house used to feed my cat and then asked if they could keep her as she obviously enjoyed their company! I said no so they got a kitten and when my cat started to bully it so they asked me to keep my cat out of their garden :-O

I made the mistake of taking another tom into my house when I had one already and a girl to.  The original boy went to live with an elderly couple at the end of the street and they loved him to bits.  Saw him nealy everday and he came to be stroked but he liked them better.

Cats are somtimes like that :-)

I agree with oldilocks and stdomingo.
Tell the cat he is not allowed round there and you will ground him if he does again,... and ....a kipper round the mush for her ;-)

> Why, oh why, do people feel the need to feed other peoples' cats? ; I'd be furious. :-(

Couldn't agree more,especially when it's evident that said moggy is not in the least under nourished.

I have had this problem in the past and came up with a cunning plan, my mogs are not allowed out until they have eaten and have full bellies, this serves several purposes, they are lazy by nature so just go to the loo and doss off somewhere, the hunting of small fur and feathered things is lessened because the sleepy full toad can't be bothered and they don't go house hunting for some 'kind' soul to feed them. Sorted.

Oh and the sharp end of my tongue was once used

She is renting so will most likely have it written into her contract NO PETS.  It's pretty standard for rental properties unless there is very special circumstances.

I'm with the majority here - he is YOUR cat and has been coerced (like any man!).  You need to drum it into his tiny pee-brain that you and you alone are the only one who will put up with his nonsense and commit to him.  This other woman is just that, the other woman. Grrrrrrr!!!  Like the slapping with a wet fish idea - for her and the cat.

if this lady does stop feeding and you decide to keep him, i would get him a new i.d tag with please do not feed me on the back!!

If the cat was a stray how on earth did she come to the conclusion that you own it. Was it by chance that she actually looked at his tag on his collar??? Shock horror.

If this was my cat and i wanted it to live with me and not head to the neighbours all the time i would explain that the cat requires daily medication(or something similar).. You know what you could get away with saying.

Ask them not to feed the cat and further explain in view you have not long moved here you are trying to settle down and the cat is never going to do so if they continue to feed it.

After what you have gone through, like you say you don't really want to loose another pet. Cats are still precious and i would be very upset if one of mine decided to live elsewhere because of another person feeding it, and probably more interesting richer foods than i was.

Awww thanks for your support everyone.  There's nothing I'd like more than slapping this woman with a kipper!!  I think I'm going to go round to see her at the weekend for a chat.

He came home to eat last night then scarpered again the little pest :-o.  I think I'm tending to agree with HG, that it doesn't matter what I do he's going to go there anyway as he prefers the peace and quiet there and he doesn't have to dodge dogs.

Sue, she did look at his collar and he is very well fed so how she came to the conclusion that he'd been abandoned I really can't imagine!

I may change my mind though!!

our cat has got DO NOT FEED_VET DIET in inch high letters arround his collar to try and stop some person in road behind us feeding him. it has not worked.
he now disappears for days : (
it is so upsetting. we have spent many hours searching for him fearing the worse and then he saunters in stinking of perfume with brush marks in his fur.
have given up now. can't keep him locked in as he will not use a litter tray and have tried talking to literally everyone in that street-still not 100% who is doing it so can do nothing.
I do not understand why they don't get their own cat-plenty in rescue centres desperate for a home.

I can understand what you are all saying. Yes, he is your cat, but cats are very independant animals and will go where they want to. I feed mine outside (the dogs eat his food otherwise ) and his mother has learnt this. She only lives 4 doors up from me so doesn't have far to travel ;-) I've have spoken to her owner (a good friend of mine - for now ;-) ) and we have come to the conclusion that as he goes up there to visit (and helps himself to mums food :-D ) then we will leave it as it is. I have started to stand outside, in the cold shed, with the door open, just to make sure that he does get enough to eat and that his mum doesn't try chasing him off. (I'm usually in the garden with the dogs when I feed him anyway :-) )

Ok, I'm rambling, but if your cat decides that he prefers the other home the only way you will be able to stop him is to keep him indoors as a house cat. :-(

That's what I'm thinking LindyLou.  Much as I want to keep him, he is definitely an outdoor cat - it really would be cruel to keep him in, knowing him as I do.  I'm not going to rush into making a decision, given how much I've had on my plate lately, but I am leaning towards letting her have him as this would be better for him, even though it wouldn't be better for me :(

I once had a beautiful long haired cat, he was very people friendly, always came home for his food and he always slept in the house on a night, but the rest of the time he would go in any house and to any person that would look at him, I had a couple in particular who's cat had died who took to him so much, they started to groom him when he went into their house (I didn't mind - less work for me :-D ) and I'm pretty sure that they fed him too on occassion.  I had 3 cats at the time, and I guess they also thought as he spent time with them that he was part their cat.

But, the fun stopped when they asked if they could have him, I told them I didn't mind him spending time with them but I wasn't giving him up, when they moved approx 3 miles away they even knocked on my door and asked if I had had a change of mind and said to call them if I did, (Little did they know he still went to their house and had befriended the new owners too) I often used to see their car, and they would say they had come back to see my cat!! I began to get increasingly worried that they were just going to take him.

It's beyond me that people think they can take on someone elses animal just because it visits them. Ollie is your cat Paula I would make it clear your not giving him up, also as they are letting, who knows where their next house could be, it could be on a main road or they may not be allowed to have animals.

This is your cat, you bought him, you raised him, he's found a couple of friends in these people, but he is yours. :-)

Thanks Carrington.  It is all a bit odd.  She rang me and asked for me (my name on his tag) then when I told her his name she said she didn't call him by it, because she thought it was my name!! Really my voice isn't so low as to be a mans!!  Then she was laughing and saying to him he couldn't play with the bit of paper she had while she was talking to me (which made me fed up too).

It think it worries me too that if they do move away, they'll just pinch him anyway!

I'm going to ring her today and tell her I'm keeping him for now as, after Ellies death, I'm just not feeling up to making a decision like that.

Thanks to everyone for your input, I really appreciate it, especially as I'm feeling a bit fragile at the moment. You're all fab!

In fact, I've just rung her (suddenly decided to be proactive!) and explained I wasn't willing to lose another animal so soon after Ellies death so wanted to keep her, she offered to discourage him from going to her house.  I also said that if he really was unhappy I would ring her and ask her to take him.  She also said he was being fed by other people too - so he's really turned into Six Dinner Sid, flippin cat!! :D

Feel much better now.

Phew!

I think you've done the right thing Paula.

Simone :)

He's just come home and had some food but (and this is very odd!) he absolutely stinks of perfume!!  Don't know why on earth she's done that!!!

Any suggestions??

She obviously doesn't like the smell of cat so don't see why she should want to keep him?  I'd phone her up and ask her to stop doing it - especially if it is cheap nasty stuff :-p  Just say it agravates your throat or a member of your households throat, anything to stop her "scentmarking" your cat.

she may wear a lot of perfume and maybe he had been sat on her lap or she had been making a fuss of him.

I had a cat when I was about 12 who used to go to my neighbours house all the time. We asked them to stop feeding her but they didn't, and every evening I would go round and collect my cat. The problem was instantly solved when they got their own cat, but until then she just kept going back. Maybe if you make a nuisance of yourself and keep going round to get your cat she'll get bored of the aggro and stop letting him in/feeding him. Good luck :-)

He's never smelled of it when he's come home before ClaireyS.  I wonder if she's sprayed him with something to discourage him from going in??

i think its maybe a cat feeder/thief thing to do.
my siamese (currently being bribed away from home by some pest) comes home stinking of cheap perfume.  he has never smelt like that when sat on pefume wearing friends laps so I am sure he is being sprayed.  whats worse is he is asthmatic so i really do not think it is doing him any good :(

It must be the "catnappers" way of scentmarking your cats?  Making them smell more like them because in their heads the cats already belong to them?

I'd start attaching wee notes to the collars - STOP STINKING UP MY CAT - lol!

:D :D :D

Have just been to Tesco and bought my secret weapon mwahahaha!!!

Got some even more yummy food than normal and as I was looking for extra special food, found some cat milk to try (hope if he gets a dire rear he does it in her garden ;) ).

Look out lady, my cat's coming home!!!

Oh and am buying a new stairgate to confine the dogs to the first two floors so Ollie can have free run upstairs.

well mine now has a new note round his collar:

BUY YOUR OWN CAT YOU THIEF

prehapse that will have more effect then the 'do not feed-vet diet' note

LOL!!!!! Brilliant!!!