A good honest post,
And good advice given by all Members
Please act on the advice given and contact
the Breeder.

Thank you to everyone who has responded here, the support has been phenomenal.  I took the puppy back to breeder yesterday and my husband is very very bitter towards me and sad.  He is really upset and blames me for the entire mess.  Said I did not give the puppy enough time etc and that I turned the children against puppy.  I would have persevered if my children were interested but tha fact is they were not and on that basis I was not prepared to look after pup from 7am to 8pm or later every day single handedly.  It was not the soft sweet puppy they expected but a jumpy, bitey full on in your face pup.  He was a beauty and very good but very very active.  I feel I wasnt as prepared as I should have been and for the kids the dream was not the reality.  My husband is convinced it is all my fault and is going to punish me big time for this, I dont even know if he will stay with me, so strong are his feelings on this issue he cant hardly bring himself to speak to me and said he doesnt even LIKE me.  I feel sick, worried, hurt, sad and VERY GUILTY for backing down in the 1st place.  Its one horrible mess and I could put it down to a bad experience since the kids are not bothered but his hurt is killing me because although I just did not want the dog I really do care how he feels, but I was unable to raise a puppy JUST for him, that hurts him beacuse he knows I would do it for my daughter but at least I would have had her input and help. I just wish he could understand that the happiness of me and the kids are more important than a dog. I don't have time to do this on my own AND raise two children.  On reflection, what does a 10yr old know (she was desperate for this) and I went along with it for her. Has anybody got any suggestions how I can make this up to my husband, I am so sad for him.

I am so sorry Guilty -you have done nothing wrong whatsoever, in fact you've been responsible, and your husband is being very childish -he wanted a puppy but none of the work.   What I could see working for you would be if you managed to get an adult dog that was already house trained and generally well behaved -such as for instance a dog from Guide Dogs that didn't make the grade as a guide dog, but will have had all the basic training. Worth looking into perhaps?

Presambly you went and looked at these puppies before you got one.  If you wanted a cuddly lap dog why on earth did you go for such a lively breed.  For the life of me I dont get people like you and quite honestly I think your husband as got every reason to be really angry with you although either you are a good actress or he wasnt listening to what you were saying as I know exactly what my husband means and if he really wants something and if he doesnt and vice versa. 

I live with the beagle from hell.  She has certainly not turned out to be like the sweet little things you see at discover dogs in crufts.  Would I swap her would I hell as it is not her fault that I made mistakes.  I just hope this poor puppy finds a responsible owner next time and not somebody who has bought it in the hope that they might grow to love it.

Sorry if its not what you want to hear but buying a puppy is something you make sure of before you buy it not after.

Hi TTS,

>For the life of me I dont get people like you and quite honestly I think your husband as got every reason to be really angry with you

This girl is really beating herself up about things, has already done the responsible thing under the circumstances and has a husband who's making her life a misery.  If you feel the need to "get people like her" just read her posts - particularly the ones most recent prior to your input :rolleyes:  Unlike many posters who "complain" their pups don't live up to expectations, there's no shortage of info on this thread!

It's never acceptable IMO for any spouse to bully their partner, whether emotionally, mentally or physically into doing something they're unhappy with - the fact this brow beating meant taking on and then relinquishing a puppy is, frankly, neither here nor there in this instance   

Teri, thanks for being so supportive, I like your style.

No worries!

Now we need to sort you out with a "name change" - you're officially NOT GUILTY, right?

And then a personal image change ;)   But we can work on that over time!  Start off though by the requisite retail therapy - even if it's on a budget (not my strong point ) Buy something or spend more on something for yourself, alone that you wouldn't normally do.  Even if it's only a lipstick, eye, nail or body product - or all four and matching perfume - move up a few ranges from your normal budget, get the one that you think is just not good value for money - they're always the best value for self confidence!

If you're not into that sort of stuff then go discover it girl - or something else that floats your boat - but not for his sake, for your own!

Teri
ps I could be your personal shopper ........... I lurv shopping  

If only you knew me!  He actually suggested I wanted the dog to go in case it was spoiling my shopping trips!  I am the worst shopaholic and sadly no expense spared, BUT despite this I WAS willing to stay home and dog sit.  Life is a bitch sometimes.

Ok, forget the lip gloss - how about a Ferrari :P

Teri I cannot believe you are giving sympathy to someone who by their own admission never wanted a dog.  She has said her husband has waited 35 years for a dog and just because it behaves like a normal puppy she cant cope.  Quite frankly if that was my partner I wouldnt stay either but then my husband and I have a partnership.  As I see it her husband and daughter havent had any say in this matter.  If you dont like my view tough but quite honestly people like this make my blood boil.  Nobody forced her to have a puppy and she obviously not that bothered about upsetting him as she dumped the dog.

>Teri I cannot believe you are giving sympathy to someone who by their own admission never wanted a dog

Well believe it, because I am :)

>If you dont like my view tough

Ditto :)

>Nobody forced her to have a puppy and she obviously not that bothered about upsetting him as she dumped the dog.

Really studied this thread and thought it through then :rolleyes:

Ditti Teri , " not guilty"  ;-) was too soft in the first place, the puppy going back is the best move.

The husband errr send him to me :-))) he will come back well trained. ;-)

>he will come back well trained

Let me help, pleeeeeaaaaazzzzzzzzze  

I am just clearing a space in the shed for him  :-)  and a new duvet cover in the spare room for you :-D

TTS, I don't think you are qualified to actually dis me like this.  My daughter made it quite clear to me she would prefer the dog to go back to breeder, she is/was very upset, the puppy was too much and too active for her.  My little boy aged 6 was afraid and ran away all the time, my daughter took to the study for three consecutive days to avoid the dog!.  She was more than 50% of the reason WHY I gave in and got a dog.  I was prepared to try and accommodate my husband and daughter despite him really knowing deep down I had no REAL DESIRE for a dog, so don't let your blood boil on my account and in fact I'll say no more , I don't actually need to justify myself to you.  Read this notice board, if only to see you are very much in the MINORITY.  That puppy did not deserve to stay here and be half heartedly cared for.

TTS, have you never agreed to something that your husband wanted, even though you weren't keen, whether it's breed of dog, make of car, colour of curtains, what to do at the weekend? I know I have. But then I'm not expected to do it all by myself without him joining in - that's the problem here. If 'guilty's' husband had done the sensible thing, ie taking time off work to settle the puppy in, do the feeding, mopping up, training etc, and the children had been more amenable to the reality of a puppy, then poor guilty would no doubt have come to terms with the situation and probably even have grown fond of the dog as time went by. However he wasn't prepared to pull his weight and work as a team with her. Not good news.

>TTS, have you never agreed to something that your husband wanted, even though you weren't keen, whether it's >breed of dog, make of car, colour of curtains, what to do at the weekend? I know I have. But then I'm not >expected to do it all by myself without him joining in - that's the problem here.

My husband wanted a Maine Coon cat, its not my type of cat at all, but I said okay. He now has two, as he got a rescue as well this year. I make sure he does all the grooming of them himself, and he always has done. :)  (Only trouble is, those 2 cats get a kiss each when he comes on from work BEFORE I do!!)

Maybe this'll cheer you up
       Husbands
The dog can go to obedience lessons,
With the kids, there's a choice of schools,
But what do you do with the husband,
When he starts to flout the rules?
There should definitely be an exam,
A test which he must pass,
To make him a perfect husband,
Instead of a perfect pain in the ass,
In this he should be graded,
With a mark from 1-10,
And this of course should be reviewed,
Every now and then,
Then he should be branded,
And tattooed with his score,
So that his new owner,
Can tell what's she's in store,
Then he should be registered,
His details kept on file,
And of course he'll need replacing,
If you've had him for a while,
But if he ever starts to malfunction,
Or upsets in any way,
He may just need an overhaul,
To take the rust away,
There might come a day,
When you need a replacement,
Cos things have gone wrong,
With his bits in the basement,
And when this can't be fixed ,
With a dose of Viagra,
This poor sod has bit the dust,
He's lost his Abra Cadabra,
Or he might be O.K.,
And just might need upgrading,
Because his physical attributes,
Are very quickly fading,
If you can just remember,
Not to get too attached,
You can leave your options open,
For a little mix and match,
So take this as a warning,
And look before you leap,
If the one that you are marrying
Is the one you want to keep.

I wrote this when I was in a strop with mine xx
 

*claps hands* LOL Love it! :D :D :D

Ace shanti, :D 

Can see this going world-wide on emails very soon (you'll probably end up with a copy ) :P

I don't think you should be made to feel that you need to "make this up" with your husband.

You (the family) made a mistake.  The person who never made a mistake, never made anything.  You will have made mistakes before and you will make more in the future, as individuals and as a couple and as a family.

NOBODY DIED!

You recognised the mistake quickly and did your utmost to rectify things  before even more mistakes were made.

Well done you!

It is human nature to blame someone or something else when things do not work out as we planned, rather than taking some of the responsibility on yourself.  Your husband does have some responsibility for this and probably feels that he could well do without the drama of the situation.

It might be better to avoid recriminations and just admit that the decision to have a dog at this particular time (and maybe of this particular breed) was not the right one; however this does not necessarily mean that you may not review it in the future or perhaps make a compromise and have a steadier, older, dog that does not have the issues the puppy had.  Might be something to think over.

It is hard to look at things objectively from a clinical perspective whilst you are actually IN the situation  but this WILL pass and you will all have learned some valuable lessons from this experience, not just related to dogs either.

You feel upset and guilty which is making you feel TOTALLY responsible for a situation which was not solely down to you.  Both of you have to admit that the basic cause of this problem was failure to prepare and move on.

I think you were extremely  brave coming on here and asking for help....

Thanks Tohme, I actively searched for a vizsla puppy for over a year and thus had time to get used to the idea of having a dog.  We visited the puppy 3 weeks before bringing him home and to a degree I too was looking forward to owning a BEAUTIFUL dog, (although only because THEY TRUELY WANTED a dog). Once pup was home, and kids were not into it thats when I spoke up because I knew then it would be down to me 95% of time.  This is where I am coming from in all my guilt.  I gave in.  I actively searched for the dog I believed I would want. Thats the big mistake in all of this and that is why OH is so sad, cross and bitter.  I  should have been stronger and refused but I gave in and started the ball rolling.  Thanks for your support

Don't know much about vizslas but I think gundogs can be pretty active as puppies. I like the idea of looking for an older dog that's settled down and housetrained. Your OH is being totally unfair - why should you look after a dog you didn't want (even if you did choose the particular breed, you didn't want any dog to begin with). I would suggest the older dog idea to him and see how that goes.

I think you have done the right thing all round.  I don't think your soldiering on would have been very good for your relationship either.  I don't know how to advise you on how to placate your husband as I don't really know him or you but I would say I think it is him behaving unreasonably so I don't think you need feel at all guilty.  I hope he will just get over it and realise when he calms down that he put much more onto you than he was entitled to do.  I do hope things settle down for you again, I'm sure if he loves you he will get over this and if he doesn't, well you have to doubt his need for you other than as a puppy minder :(. 

What have you got to make up to your husband for ? If he was so desperate for a dog he should have taken full responsiblity for it as he knew you were not keen. Sorry, but IMHO the days of the subserviant wife should have ended a long time ago.

You wanted a nice cuddly puppy ? sorry puppies are not nice & cuddly 24/7 not even my cavaliers & yes they nip etc it's part of being a puppy

When I wanted a puppy aged 7(my dad had his dog)I was made to research the breed, train other people's dogs of the same breed & also help looking after my father's GSD. When I had shown that I was serious & aged eight I had saved up for, contacted the breeder(with parental supervision of course) & bought my first GSD puppy. As it turned out I spent the summer in hospital & my brother took her over & although I did train her, walk her etc after I came out of hospital she wasn't ever my dog & it was some 8 years before I had another dog of my own, the daughter of a bitch I trained & completed with that belonged to a family friend

What I am saying is if you really don't want a puppy that you are going to have to look after than don't get one, if your husband & daughter want another dog let them take full responsibility for the acquistion & care of one. About time your husband took responsiliblity IMHO

I think letting him read your words should make him realise how much you love him and your children and maybe he will be able to calm down and see it from all sides :)

I am sure if he really loves you then he will be able to put this behind you and get on with life and maybe at some stage in the future when you are all ready, a dog may come into your lives :)

If he is not willing to listen then I think some big decisions need to be made as it would seem to me that there are maybe some more deep seated problems that this may have brought to a head :) I do hope I am totally wrong on that one ;)

What ever happens I think you did the right thing and wish you luck and hope things all work out :)

Lucy
xx

Hi Guilty,

Don't beat yourself up about things - you've done what's best for the puppy and if your relationship was good before this incident then also the best thing for that too ;)  If you'd been physically and emotionally drained and filled with resentment at being a slave to a dog that you didn't want but had sole responsibility for it would have affected your own personality and maybe even health - which would have had negative consequences to being a happy and contented mum and wife :)

Your husband is hopefully having a "tantrum" here that when he thinks about it in the cold light of day will wear off.  In the meantime don't beat yourself up about worrying how to make HIM feel better - equality and all that!  Nobody seems to have considered your feelings before brow beating you into this situation.

Hold your head up - you've made a very sensible decision under difficult circumstances.  We don't all have the presence of mind or strength of character to do that ;)

Best wishes, Teri

Thanks Teri, I just thought I could have coped because the dog was so beautiful, but since my daughter did not show interest it cleared a path for me to speak up.  Husband is sick and bitter and cross because I GAVE IN and then took the puppy AWAY.  He says at least his mother did not give in and that was better!  I just tried to do the right thing as I didnt want him to resent me by denying him a dog the way he resented his mother.  Now he resents me even more than he obviously did his mother. 

Oh, mothers and their sons what's that all about????   (So glad I had a girl - couldn't be doing with having to eat my own words all the time :D )

If he's harping back to what "mummy" did/didn't allow he's probably going to be appeased by something equally child friendly (popcorn at the cinema) or just needs a good telling off ;)

Stand firm, proud, and take no BS off any of them!

Teri x    

guilty, you made a mistake in giving in - sure, I agree with that.  Looking at a beautiful puppy and admiring it is one thing.  Looking after it, training it etc when you have no knowledge of what you've taken on, is definitely another.  But you recognised it as a mistake and rectified it.

Your husband - he's got a problem.  Apoligise for making tha mistake by all means, but then stand tall and behave as you did before, being a good Mother and wife! :)

Thanks Val, and a good mother I certainly am, a good wife?  I dont think he would agree!

You were before - you can be again!! :)

If trying to make your husband happy isn't being a good wife, I don't know what is. You tried - okay, so it didn't work out. That's not the point - you tried. That's what matters.

It doesn't sound as though he tried very hard to help. :(

Ditto - what a shame the OP picked "Guilty" as an ID - hope she stays around (don't NEED to have a dog :) ) and changes her user name to something more positive "Iron Lady" sounds good :D

As well as being a good mum and wife, the OP should be and deserves to be a confident and contented individual ;)  

Teri
we could train her for the Crabby Club :P

Of course we could put a naughty conotaion on Guilty and gie ehr a mysterious air :D

We have dome silly threads on here quite often too!!!  Foo and idle chat give us our light releif :D

Ooh, naughty connotations - imagine you coming up with that before me :D

What is crabby club???????????

Ah, nothing to worry about :D  Just a congregation of us ladies (jury's still out on admitting the guys :rolleyes: ) who want to have a good old moan ;)  Mutual support when we're in kill mode but don't want to actually get our hands bloody!

Teri :)

Hi Guilty,

I still think you have shown enormous courage and responsibility in acting as you did. And yes, your husband will be upset but he must take his share of the consequences and not look to put all the blame on your shoulders.  Right now he is behaving like a child and I'd be inclined to treat his current attitude in the same way one treats any child throwing a wobbly - by mainly ignoring it because it will pass. Do not, however, take his harsh words too seriously and seriously don't take them as evidence of any shortcomings of yours. As I said before, you have shown the courage of your convictions so please don't let him chip away at your self-esteem although I realise this is much easier for me to say than for you to cope with!

If he cannot get over his disappointment over the next couple of days and continues to bear a grudge then, with respect, this may be evidence of more deep seated issues in your relationship which need talking through since they will re-occur in different and quite unrelated circumstances.

best wishes to you.

I am hurting for his sadness but also, and he seems to forgotten all about my daughter so desperate for a dog, I am sad for my daughter.  She is so disappointed, she cried her heart out because she didnt have a little cute puppy like she had dreamed off.  She is again without her longed for pet but at 10 years old even she knew the puppy was not right for her.  Just wish he could see things from our point of view, although he does acknowledge the puppy was BETTER OFF going back to breeder, he is sorry for himself and I do understand and empathise with his pain.  He wanted to leave me 2 years ago and I KNOW what real pain is.

I think you are being enormously perceptive and thoughtful, guilty and your little girl is showing a deal of mature understanding for her age. However, I think your last sentence says an awful lot. Your husband clearly has "issues", and I think you need better counselling than I could hope to offer.

I think the puppy might be the tip of the iceberg if hubby's this upset about it. Either that or he will calm down in a few days. I do think he's being unreasonable myself, but hey, it's your relationship and you know him best. Yes, you've made a big mistake - you're human like the rest of us and I'm sure your husband's made a few in his time too - but in the long run you've done the best thing as you know this puppy was not right for you and your family.

For his Christmas present, have you thought of sponsoring a dog from your nearest Dogs Trust in your husband's name? Ifyou go to their website, they have a list of dogs and centres. http://www.dogstrust.org.uk/sponsor_a_dog/ You can regularly visit the dog as a family and it may give you all a 'reality check' (I don't mean that in a bad way) as these dogs are the ones that can't be adopted out for various reasons. Your husband might eventually realize that this is what fate you've saved the Viszla puppy from as he WAS the wrong dog. And maybe once you get to know some of the staff to chat to, they may be able to find you a rescue dog that is ideally suited to your whole family. Even cute, fluffy, well behaved dogs sometimes end up in rescue! Don't rule out trying again in the future just because this dog didn't work out, but you need to forget about the looks of the breed and conentrate more on the history and temperament traits they have. The best behaved dog I had was a mutt I bought from a local petshop when I was 17 (and you think you're having family discord at the moment - I could tell you a story about the trouble I caused doing that believe me!). And maybe consider an older dog rather than a puppy.

Guilty
If you ever find yourself in position of giving it another try as a dog owner, could you not suggest that your husband takes as much annual leave from work as he is allowed, to be with the new dog for it's first 2 or 3 weeks in your home?  I feel for you, I truly do, and for your husband, but it sounds to me as though there are other issues to be addressed here.  Don't ever feel guilty now about the puppy.  He is fine and I am sure the breeder will ensure he will go on to another home more prepared for him.

Aww Guilty, what a sad thread.  I think I would be inclined to get the dog back and ditch the husband!

My ex waited years for a dog too.  He always wanted one since losing his as a child.  After 11yrs we lived in a suitable house, waited 12 months for the right dog.  4 months later he (husband) was gone.  I've still got the dog too and he's been the best anyone could wish for - unlike the husband!

I think you did the right thing, but I do wish you didn't have all that guilt hanging over you when you've been the strong and sensible one without anything to be sorry for.

Good luck.

Thanks Jackyjat, the thought of us not staying together and me being left with dog was a thought that did actually  cross my mind and one I took into consideration when I returned the pup due to childrens lack of interest. Thanks for support

bless you guilty. i think (you may not realise this) you acted in the best interests of that puppy.if you had kept him (& couldnt cope /heart wasnt in it) he could have ended up with all sorts of problems,at least now the pup has a second chance. good on you!

i feel for your hubby (as we all are devoted to our dogs on here) however i CANT understand that if HE wanted a dog so much...WHERE was he? i always take time (as much as i can,bout two weeks) off of work when i get a new puppy. Do you think he could infact be feeling guilty too? that he didnt try? & hes just taking it out on you?

best wishes,thinking of you.

No, I dont think it even occured to him to take time off to help out.  He runs his very successful business and is a workaholic.  He doesn't even take time out to holiday with me and the children, well not more than one week per year!  He is always too busy for one reason or another. He just wanted a dog and assumed once here, that would be that.

If he was that bad why did you get one in the first place.  God I feel sorry for your husband.

There but for the grace of God - sound familiar?  Probably not :(

Well I'm on the ladies side, have already posted a husband poem for her earlier in this thread, now it's time for the big one!!! LOL do'nt let the bugger get you down guilty - read this, again I wrote this for my OH x
Men

It's an interesting fact, that every man alive,
Was given life by woman, they need us to survive,
A man is woman's creation, a sight to behold,
And it is our main aim in life to keep one till we're old,
But training a man takes skill and cunning,
And you have to be careful you don't send them running,
Once they are caught, there is no way out,
You have to be strong, and give it some clout,
And once you've taken on this lifelong task,
It's only 50/50 they'll do as you ask,
But a woman will never give up, we constantly scheme,
That man will be perfect, it's part of the dream,
We will remain steadfast, it will be our aim,
Because you men, really are all the same,
We'll nag and we'll scam and try hard to change,
What we first fell in love with, isn't that strange?
It's hard for them, they don't understand,
But we ask them, we tell them, then have to demand,
But still we make allowances, they're not as bright as us,
Why can't they just behave? It would save a lot of fuss,
We will never give up our dream of perfection,
We will carry on with the task of correction,   
The best advice we can give to men as a race,
See Woman knows best and give in with grace,
But we will get there in the end, through thick and thin,
We are strong, we are Woman and we never give in.