Pleease somebody, can you help.  My husband wanted a dog and then my daughter, althougth I did not want a dog a gave in to pressure and now just 3 short days into being a puppy owner I am so stressed and crying all the time.  I made a big mistake to give in and now even my daughter is dissapointed as the dog is not behaving as she thought and she is not giving it any attention it is a vizsla and very beautiful but even that is not helping.  I really want to return to breeder but my husband wants it, plase can anyone help tell me what to do in this awful mess.

Personally I would take the puppy back and if I was the breeder I would want the puppy back but you will have to sort this out yourself as it is your husband and your relationship with him.

Guest, it's very VERY early days -compare it to coming home with a new baby from the hospital for the first time. You will be overwhelmed. It's fair to say it is best only to get a dog if ALL the family is in agreement, and if you are not sure the best bet is for the pup to go back to the breeder sooner rather than later. However if your husband is determined HE needs to take main responsibility for the pup. Maybe if you join you can tell us exactly what problems you are having and we can help you find solutions? Most problems that are encountered by first time puppy owners are actually quite easy to solve once you know how. :)

Don't forget Guest never did want the puppy.  I know it's hard for us on here to contemplate but some people don't really like dogs .  I think every puppy deserves to go to a home when all will be waiting in eager anticipation but if Guest wants to make a go of it then, yes, she should register and I'm sure will get plenty of advise to make the early days easier and hopefully she could grow to love the pup.

That's why I said that all the family should want it Isabel. :)

Well done for admiting you can't cope.  Have a talk with your hubby about the situation and explain you think it's best for the dog if it goes back to the breeder.  Talk to the breeder and again admit you cannot cope and do not want this puppy.

I can see both sides - I feel sorry for you having to deal with a puppy you didn't want, and you should either insist your husband and daughter take most of the responsibility for it, or rehome it. But in my case, although I had wanted the puppies and had talked my OH into it, I too felt utterly overwhelmed by the responsibility I had given myself for the first few days or weeks, and if either breeder had phoned me at that point I would have handed them the puppies back like a shot! And then I would have missed out on 3 1/2 wonderful years with them. If the people who wanted the puppy will look after it until you are able to cope, give it a go. Otherwise it's best to give it back now rather than later.

my husband gets up in the morning the relieve the dog and also get breakfast, after that i am on my own until he returns around 8/9pm.  the kids show no interest after school and therefore i am not getting the break there that i anticipated

If you really can't cope and the two family members that wanted the dog are not taking any responsibility (which is exactly what it sounds like), take the poor little thing back to the breeders a.s.a.p. That way he/she can be rehomed to somebody who really wants the puppy and will be prepare for the commitment before it gets too messed up in the head. Vizsla's are a very energetic breed and are a bad choice for a first time dog owner. Is your husband or daughter going to be prepared for a bare minimum of an hour's exercise every day of the week when the dog is older? Probably not by the sound of it.

Get your daughter a copy of Nintendogs and tell her to knock herself out - that kind of puppy won't end up in the RSPCA if it doesn't live up to expectations.

my daughter is 10 and my son 6, maybe thet are just not ready.  i feel sick as i have told breeder i am returninghim tomorrow.  cant eat, feel ill and my husband is really p***d off with me.

For what it's worth, I think you're doing the right thing. I know that, as a breeder, I would rather a pup was returned to me than stayed where he wasn't truly wanted, and would have the utmost respect for an owner who was brave and honest enough to admit that they'd made a mistake. Good for you.

thanks jeangenie but i feel so low and cant stop crying, i feel so sick with myself and my husband is disgusted with me and said we have not given enough time, how long is enough time?????????????

Sometimes you know straight away that something won't work. I know you must be feeling terribly guilty, but it takes enormous courage to admit a mistake has been made, and many people aren't up to facing the truth. You're one of the few, so please hold that thought.

Edit: you gave it more time than your children - who were mad keen to have the puppy - did. And if your husband truly wants to make it work, suggest he takes two weeks' holiday (paid or unpaid) to look after the puppy while you get used to the idea. I wonder how much he wants the reality of it, or just the idea?

husband wants the puppy big time and tells me i am selfish and its my fault my daughter is not interested, he cannot understand how I feel emotionally and how i feel in knots over this.  Pathetic as it may seem i am so stressed i have not eaten all day.  he is staying out tonite so he does not see the pup again, he is desperately unhappy, but at the end of the day, i have to give prioirty to my health and the happiness of kids.  He knows I would persevere if my daughter was interested but just for him I cannot.

Your HUSBAND is the one who needs to feel guilty here, and i think you should make him read tihs!

Its one thing to take on a pup when your OH isnt keen when YOU are doing the work, its totally out of order to get a dog that your partner doesnt want and ten expect THEM to do all the work.

Puppies are incredibly hard work, and a breed like the visla even more so. IF your husband wanted a dog that badly, then he should have made sure HE had the time to toilet train it, train it to behave in the house and be a nice easy dog to live with.

I think he should have been the one to take the pup back and to admit that he was wrong to pressure you into going along wih the idea, and i tink NOW he ought to be apologising to you enormously and grovelling!!!

Em

i know he should not have put pressure on me, but he reminds me he has waited 35yrs for a dog and his mum would not agree.  I used to say when we had a bigger house, garden etc, but he still knew I did not really want a dog in the house.  He is going to make me pay for this big time, they are a loose transcript of his feelings.

If he wants a dog so badly, it's up to him to look after it.

I really did want this to work, I know how important it is to him, but I suppose i feel "easier" to expresshow i feel as my daughter is not interested. even so he thinks I have put her off by doing or saying something when in reality I have given her every chnace to keep the pup,again at age 10yrs thats a burden i dont think she should be put on

Have to agree your husband is acting like3 a spoilt child here.

I do think though like a parent that puts a child off thinking they will give up on the idea it wasn't a wise move to give excuses and promise a dog later. 

Be straight with hubbie that you do not want a dog and never have.  Yopu were only willing to make sacriufices for him and the kids, but that as you were going to be left doing the dirty work, and their interest/input was minimal that it was just not on.

Now if hubbie were in a position to look after the dog and you were just required to tolerate it maybe he woudl have a point.

I Can't imagine life without the dogs, and prefer them over a man and the kids know that as they are growing up and leading increasingly their own lives, the dogs will stay regardless of the fact that they get hair on their clothes when they leave their things lying about, or that their snacks get pinched when left in reach :D

It's a difficult situation.  Some years ago, after 2 visits before collecting their puppy, and easily fullfilling the requirements that I look for when homing a puppy, I had a phone call from the husband to tell me that the wife had mental health problems and was not coping with the puppy.  I can't, in all honest, say that I wasn't cross that they hadn't told me beforehand, but they obviously thought that they could cope and wanted to give it a try. 
I asked for the puppy back and they brought it back the following day.  It did present me with a problem because I still had puppies waiting to go to their new homes and there was the risk of bringing infection in, but I went to a lot of trouble to disinfect etc and all was well.
Whilst I agree that these few days are not very long, if your heart isn't in it, and you are on your own trying to train a small puppy that you don't really want all day, then I think it would be best to return it to the breeder as soon as possible.

just took the pup out to relieve himself and tried to play with him when we got back in.  he is so bouncy and lunges at you and sad and pathetic to say he makes me shiver and back off like you think he will bite, do you suppose he knows this already and so i would never get upperhand.  guess this is why kids are not going to him

I think that you are very brave and are certainly doing the right thing!

my breeder is having him back but is not pleased with me.  Said my daughter is spoilt, but what does she know at age 10 apart from she expected a cute little bundle to stroke.  I blame myself in all this as I did give in and agree to a puppy albeit against my true choice and the breed i chose was obviously a bad choice for us.

thanks for understanding me, but how can i make it right with my husband, i am sick with all the worry of it.

Ooh I got rid of mine 15 years ago, as wasn't worth keeping so can't advise :D

I got rid of mine 25 years ago!!  Prefer dogs anytime.  Sorry can't help with that one! :)

>thanks for understanding me, but how can i make it right with my husband, i am sick with all the worry of it.<

If you're determined to keep the husband... thought it's still not too late to send him back to his breeder too :D just explain to him you think it was the wrong breed at the wrong time and it's actually in the pup's best interest more than anything. Maybe wait a few more years till the kids are older and go for a breed you're personally going to be more comfortable with and will fit into your lifestyle better. He's probably going to drag it up at every opportunity for several years, but just go deaf as you're doing the right thing not only for yourself, but for the puppy. Far better now than struggling on till the puppy is 6 months old and you're all miserable and finally admit defeat.

Your husband probably has an unrealistic and romantic notion of dog ownership and judging by his brattish tantrum and no compunction to leave you with the dirty end of the stick, it's no wonder his mum wouldn't let him have a dog! Staying out overnight so he doesn't have to see the pup - what's that about? Big child! A nice little Cavalier King Charles would have probably been a better choice for your household, but I don't suppose it would have massaged the husband's ego the same as a big gundog he seems to think would come ready trained.

>thanks for understanding me, but how can i make it right with my husband, i am sick with all the worry of it

Could you print off all these replies and let him read them....?   It might help him understand, maybe a little, of how you are really feeling...Some people are stronger than others when it comes to speaking up, and you should never have to be backed into a corner like this....I do hope he see's things in a different light.

>my breeder is having him back but is not pleased with me

I would feel the same, but, better you have done this now, than a few months down the line. It's never an easy thing to stand up and admit something is wrong, and I commend your courage to do this..

As for your husband.. I am sorry, but I could never tolerate this kind of attitude....I have been happily single for the last 19 years, with a housefull of dogs...

I do hope you can work things out
Sounds like you really need a big {{{{{{hug}}}}}}

thank you for your kindness, but the truth is "I" chose this breed.  I thought because it was so beautiful, it would melt me and I would just be able to get on with it.  I am so guilty of this and yes I got it wrong, probably at the expense of both my husband and my daughter.  My husband wanted a GSP or else a poodle and as I thought a  pretty dog would be ok to me I chose the vizsla.  Hes a beauty but thats where it ends.  He is bitter because I got the dog and am now taking it away from him.

Ok so you want to keep the husband... If he is so set on having a dog, and you're not, how about this idea?

There are lots of rescue kennels around and many like to have volunteers to go and play with the dogs and walk them. So to give you a chance to meet dogs of all ages and for your husband to have a dog to care for but not at your house, leaving all the work to you, try asking at kennels if they could use extra volunteers.

You never know, hubby might learn a lot more about the responsibility of looking after a dog and you get the chance to handle dogs. The obvious advantage is it is an activity you might both get something out of, and may even end up giving a disadvantaged dog a loving home. There are many older dogs in need of homes and with Christmas coming up these homes will be full to bursting

Do you really need to start with a puppy? Some organisations such as Hearing Dogs and Customs rehome well trained dogs who haven't quite made the grade necessary for the roles they were trained for, but they make wonderful pets.

What a great idea.  Also if you find a dog that you just fall for you will ahve a chance at getting to know it and forming a relationship first.  If not no harm done and he can still have dogs in his life.  It may also get you to feel more comoftable with the species and you never know one day dog ownership may be right for you too.

Really good idea Polly but it wont be a dog to curl up at his feet in front of tv each night at the end of a hard days work.

You can get stuffed ones that do that better than real ones. Real dogs need attention! ;)

True it won't curl up at his feet while he watches TV, but being a good dog owner is about more than having a dog to curl up at your feet. That "right" has to be earned!

Any dog will make you earn it's respect by caring for it, feeding it, and walking it, so even if you did have a dog you would be the one caring for it, feeding it and walking it, therefore it would curl up at your feet NOT his! Hence my comment about doing this volunteer work at weekends and summer evenings would teach your husband how to earn the respect and love of a dog, and it would teach you how to handle a dog and how much fun a dog can be.

If your husband has waited for so long, surely a few months learning through volunteering won't make much difference to having a dog right now. It would be better for you, for your children, your husband and most importantly the dog you might eventually own! It would make your children responsible towards dog owning, and they would be the better for it, as it would be a good introduction to taking responsibility for something other than themselves.

Thank you Polly, that really is such very good advice, certainly I think I would consider this.

He's behaving like a normal puppy. Human babies learn about the world first by using their mouths and then using their hands. Puppies don't have hands, so stick with using their mouths. It takes several months for them to learn what silly softy wimps humans are, and how gentle they have to be with us, as opposed to their littermates. It doesn't help that their teeth are like little needles. Children often find the idea of a puppy (cute, fluffy, cuddly) much nicer than the reality (all sharp teeth and messes). And people honestly don't need to 'get the upper hand' - they just need to meet the pup halfway.

I do understand where you are coming from.  My two boys (who are now 15 and 19) desperately wanted a dog, they had wanted one for years, we had always said no.  We now have our dog, he is 22 months old, but I have had a bit of a battle with my husband.  It was myself and boys who wanted the dog.  My husband said okay but that it would be nothing to do with him.  Well that's fine because I knew that it wouldn't anyway.  But my boys now occasionally play with my dog, but other than that it is all down to me.  I do everything for my dog, and I must admit we do all love him to bits - even my husband!!  But my husband moans about him - but I take no notice now - he just calls him a "string" meaning a pest.  In your case it will be different as it is your husband who wants the dog, and it will be you that will be the main carer of the dog.  Not good.   It will be terrible for you, you probably will end up not liking the puppy very much, better for him to go back to his breeder!!!

Thanks for your words and to everyone here who has responded to me.  It doesnt change anything I know but I guess it helps to know from others that I am not just being MEAN.  This is a real issue and causing me untold stress.  Thank you to everyone.  I just pray my husband will come to forgive me.

You've made a mistake.  You're human aren't you?  But you're also brave enough to own up to it and sort it out.  I admire that! :)

If your husband and children were going to play a big part in caring for the puppy, I would encourage you to give it time.  Some anti dog people have melted in the past........  But if you are going to be the primary carer for this puppy and your heart isn't in it (a gundog needs a lot of time, training and exercise to be a content family pet) then he is better in a more suitable home, and your family would be better with a pet that needs less time and attention.

Good Luck Guilty :-) Whatever you decide to do.

I wanted a beagle for ages but we waited until my work allowed time to accomodate a pup and until my daughter was nine and we all wanted a dog.

Beagle boy pup arrived and as others have said children are not prepared for the rough and tumble of pups, the jumping up the incredibly sharp puppy teeth, the piles of poo and wee when toilet training.

She used to get upset and would go upstairs to escape him as he was too much.

My husband loved the idea of having a dog but the reality and sheer hard work of caring for a puppy amazed him.  As it was my dog I happily did all the caring for the pup and now as a result me and my boy beagle have a lovely bond and he is a faithful friend and wont leave my side.

Daughter and husband both got used to life with a dog and what a "hands-on" experience it is and pup became another much loved member of the family!!!

We (gluttons for punishment) rescued a little girl beagle pup this year and she and my daughter are best buddies and my daughter claimed her as "her" dog.  Although the everyday stuff like the regular feeding and poop collecting is still my job.  My daughter at 11 will play with the dog, does training with her (as she came along and helped train boy puppy) and spends a lot of time with her!

All members of the family need to want the dog.  especially the main carer, if its you who are caring for a dog you did not particularly 100 per cent want and your heart isnt in it please return the pup to the breeder where the pup can be rehomed to more suitable people.

I am sure your husband will be upset but as he put you in the main carers position without you wanting the role I think you are being brave and noble returning the pup.  Well done for doing the right thing.

There were times with both my dogs I could strangle them but they are worth it!

What a difficult situation you are in, guilty. But I think you've shown considerable courage in recognising that you aren't up to the responsibility of having this pup right now. Indeed, you seem to have been taking responsibility for issues that your husband should have been sharing with you since it simply isn't good enough to want a dog and then expect to come home for the best bits while you do all the difficult work!!

And yes, he will be upset but - and I say this carefully since of course I don't know him - I think he has been very selfish in pressurising you to get a pup in the first place so don't let him put this burden of guilt onto you. It's always difficult when one half of a partnership wants something more than the other but it is almost certainly easier if you are the person who wants the dog and who has willingly accepted the responsibility that comes with it. In this case, everyone else seems to be sidestepping their responsibility and leaving you to suffer the guilt for their irresponsibility.

In a few years time things may be different and you might be ready to give a wholehearted welcome to a new puppy. But don't let anyone push you into this situation before you feel ready. Because it's not just you who will suffer, the dog deserves better too!

I know that before we got our new pup we sat down and, instead of listing the reasons why we wanted him, we tried to find reasons why it wasn't a good time to get him. Being quite unable to find a single one, home he was home by teatime that very evening! Despite our joint decision, the reality of our lifestyle still means I'm his main carer though and this was always accepted as going to be the case.

I sound as though i'm in the minority but i feel sorry for your hubby.It does sound as though your husband does his bit when he is at home.But if he is the wage earner in the house he is not able to be main carer to the pup,so it's been left up to you.He's waited 35 years for a dog and now may have to wait until he retires before he gets a dog so you have to expect him to be upset.

My hubby was not into dogs at all when we first met and i just couldn't understand him not being a dog lover.But in my situation i was the main carer so it was easier and he is now converted.

I think if you are that distressed by the puppy it should go back to the breeder.It's probably in the pups best interest.I think it was unrealistic to expect a 10 year old to take much responsibility they are usually more interested in the fun bits.You may also find as the pups at the unpredictable bitey stage the kids are bit wary of it.I agree with what someone else has said that perhaps a vizla wasn't the right breed for your family.

Good luck!

I'm with you Jonty.

I waited years for horses AND dogs, and whilst my OH didn't really want dogs or horses he has supported me and grown to love them as much as I do. He is very supportive, because, he knows how important they are to me. He's gone from never being anywhere near a horse, to feeding, tacking up etc - and he was nervous at first. But he made the effort to overcome it for me...

I don't think he would have been quite so supportive if you'd wanted all the animals then left him to do all the work with them while you went out, though! ;) I get the impression the OP would learn to accept the puppy if all the work wasn't dumped on her, when she wasn't the one who wanted it in the first place.

But I did really, I was working and would often be late back when I had to go out on the road. Admittedly, he wasn't there every day - my mum was - but she loves dogs. even Willis :D :D

Guilty,

I do believe it really has to be the main carer who wants the puppy, after all they will be doing all the hard work of caring for the pup and clearing the messes.  No matter how much you want a puppy, or how many you've had, it always comes as a big shock when the puppy is home and reality kicks in ;)  No end of people have come on here and said they'd had many dogs and pups over the years but they'd forgotten how much hard work it is ;)

You've been incredibly brave in admitting that you can't cope, and IMHO your OH has been incredibly unfair (insert any word you like here ;) ) to pressure you like this and expect you to cope with a pup alone :(   Even when its something you have always wanted its still incredibly difficult sometimes, especially if you're coping with pup and children alone for most of the day :(  I felt like you at first, despite wanting and waiting for my dream dog for 40 years ;)  I would never have coped if I hadn't ever owned a dog or wanted a dog :(

Perhaps if your OH reads this thread he'll understand what you are going thru ;)

Well put Dill :)

I can understand the OPs dilemma but when we got our first family pet I knew regardless of the fact that the whole family was on board, that the house-training, behaviour "adjustments" , freezing to death in the middle of the night in PJs and slippers in the rain and then in later months & years all the exercising, feeding and grooming would be down to me and me alone and I was fully prepared to take that on - but not everyone is if they look into it fully.

If the OP feels it's an impossible strain then better to confess to that now - it won't get any easier physically or emotionally.

Regards, Teri

I had to wait 25 years to get my dog.  I always wanted one but my OH never had pets as a child and didn't want one as an adult.  There were phases throughout when I thought it would have been good to own one but he always said no.  I am not known for taking no for an answer and if I put my mind to it I will get what I want but on this particular issue I had to respect his wishes because I know what a commitment and responsibility dogs are and what a disruption they can be.  I have got my dog now so my patience paid off but I had to wait until I knew he would be supportive, although he said he wouldn't be the one to clear up, take for walks etc, that would be down to me.  I agreed to that because to me that is fair enough.  Our dog is also a gundog and she was quite a challenging puppy up to about 15/16 months old and I felt at times that I had made a terrible mistake but we seem to be through those times now and she has settled down although she is still loopy lou :D

As it is our dog adores OH and shows so much affection that he can't help but respond to her.  Although I do all the training, cleaning up, feeding etc OH disappears for hours and hours at the weekends walking her.

I am in the position your OH was in but I'm afraid I think he underestimated your reluctance to have the puppy.  He really should have made sure that you were going to be ok with this.  Even going to pick our pup up I checked if it was still ok with OH and although he wasn't 100% sure what it would mean he was happy to go ahead.  If he had said no at the last minute I think I would have killed him or something worse ;) but would have had to have pulled out of the buy because at the end of the day the dog is coming into our home and family and everyone has to be happy with that.

I woudn't b praying for forgiveness to be honest. What a selfish person thinking he could get a dog be out the house till 8-9 at night and away all night. I think you may be being a bit soft on the husband