Hi everyone. I feel like I have post partum blues over this puppy. Has anyone ever felt like this? I look at the puppy and I don't even like it. And I absolutely love dogs. I can't understand why I'm feeling like this. He doesn't like coming inside and nipped me rather hard as he was squirming, trying to get down. Everyone's been saying enjoy your puppy!!! But I can't. Can anyone offer me some help with this. And my husband is allergic - his eyes hurt all the time and his nose is all plugged up.

Feeling so sad.

Butter

Oh what a shame :( I discovered I was allergic to Holly after she'd had her 1st bath, I was sneezing for about a week until I found the right anti-histamine to take.

Tell him to have a look for one containing Acrivastine. In the UK we have a product called Benadryl and it's wonderful. My doctor recommends it to those who suffer animal allergies and it works very quickly.

Good luck,

Fiona
x x x

Butter

I sympathise so much I really do !!! I campaigned for 6 years against an anti dog old man to get my puppy and finally in December he arrived (Dobe - Jake aka The mockodile :p) I don't know whether it was because I've never had kids and always had older dogs, never a puppy but frequently his behaviour had me at the end of my tether. I used to collapse regularly in a hysterical heap in the kitchen and just cry and wonder whether I'd made a huge mistake. I guess I just hadn't realised how hard it could be (particularly first time round !!!!:D) I think it just takes time to bond and to grow to like your puppy - it MUST be like children. Not everyone takes to it like a duck to water !!!!! I think it's even worse, if you're constantly comparing it to a previously owned, well loved dog.

I was so worried about this when Jake was about 5 months and called in "my angel" (who I won't name but she is on this board and she knows who she is). I felt completely comfortable admitting to her that I just wasn't getting on with it well and where was I going wrong and would we ever sort it out and maybe I should even part company with my Jake. :( She just listened as I sobbed my eyes out and then made very practical suggestions (including a crate) which made things better instantaneously, she didn't judge, she didn't criticise and she didn't say I was being silly, I didn't even know here that well and I feel so blessed that I happened to come across her........ BUT.......I can tell you that Jake is now just 8 months old, and it is only now that I feel like I love him (and incidentally feel loved and appreciated BY him.) He has moments where I can totally see what a marvellous dog he will, with time, turn out to be ! He has finally calmed down a bit and things that he does, make me laugh not cry, a completely different situation to two months ago !!!! I have to say that I can't wait until my boy is an adult (yes, sure I may miss the cuteness of him being a puppy) but I think the mutual respect and liking for each other comes much later. I understand how hard it is and I hope you make it through this because, I can promise you (and I'm sorry that it seems like such a long time away !!) at some point, you will suddenly realise that you can't imagine life without them. For me, it took 6 months of him being with us and in a way, I feel lucky as I know with some it can take longer.

Please don't feel silly and beat yourself up about it, there ARE people who understand and I for one am always here if you need me, as if "that person" had not been there for me, I fully appreciate that maybe I would not have had the chance to get the fleeting moments of joy, that I now get from Jake.

Hoping this doesn't sound patronising, just wanted to tell you, you're soooooooooo not alone.
Beth xx

Butter

Forgot to say, can't help with the husbands allergy although Jake set me off something awful when we first got him (i'm allergic to cats, horse and dogs - and own two out of those three !!!!) I think the best way is to live with them as it wears off. When I first met the boy's cats, I hated them as my face balloned, I couldn't breathe and they brought me up in great weals (SP?), now most of the time it's fine. If they get wet and brush against me, that's a different matter. Same with Jake, it wore off after about 4 months !! I'm afraid if you love animals and are allergic to them, that's the price you pay.
Horse are the worse for me and I used to ride once a week, couldn't do more as it took at least 5 days to recover from the previous ride !!
Beth

Hello Butter,

When anyone is waiting and looking forward to getting their puppy, it is a very exciting and wonderful time, all the planning and thinking how it will be with your youngster - cute bundle of lovable fun - everyone oohing and ahhing about how lucky you are to be having a puppy, and the enjoyment and pleasure he/she will bring you.......................... Then the reality! Sometimes, they are NOT cute bundles of lovable fun, except when they are ASLEEP! You discover they disrupt your life, home and routine! You think you might have the ONLY 'puppy from hell'!!

Your bubble has burst, all your expectations have been shattered .... but don't worry, believe it or not this is almost normal!!

A puppy is afterall an animal not a little person, and he/she has not learned any manners yet! Give it time you will get there (we all do).

Having experienced the mayhem a puppy can bring, you wonder why folk REPEAT the performance, (it must be like child birth - the memories lessen of the difficulties, and you KNOW it will be WORTH IT)!

Take a day at a time, try not to get uptight with him (easier said than done sometimes - but this just makes matters worse.

If he is still small, consider a puppy crate (Argos) - put a cosy bed inside, with a bowl of water, at one end some newspapers (in case of a wee) and when you need a bit of peace and quiet you can pop the puppy inside. Get the puppy used to it though. When he/she flops down to doze, pick up gently and place inside, perhaps even leave the door open, so when he wakes he is comfortable in the Pen. You could always feed him in there too!

Puppies learn and grow very quickly. Have you borrowed any books from the library on rearing puppies, i.e. titles like "How to Have a Well Mannered Puppy" (not very expensive either). "Whose the Boss" by Val Bonney (probably need to order that one). But get your hands on a couple of similar books for some general guidance.

Do not despair - you will look back and laugh at this one day, while gazing into the eyes of your beloved dog - HONESTLY!

If you need specific advice we will try to help you.

By the way, if the puppy does not use the Pen, YOU could always curl up inside for some peace and quiet instead!

Kind regards,
Denise.

Hey Butter,
Just to agree with everything denise and the others have said. When i got solo i had gone through cleo losing her pups and everything that involved, then found a pup and waited the 4 months, and bought round my mum (who had to be on board for holiday duty!) and my partner who lept saying that everything would change - where i thought it'd all remain the same for ever!!! and i was so excited, Then we got him, and he was lovely - but he bullied cleo and she was miserable, he bit and nipped every peice of exposed flesh - it was like eveil pup who wouldn't even let us stroke him... But nearly 4 weeks have passed and he and cleo get on wonderfully, he has learnt manners and knows what no means which means we even get to have a cuddle - but only a very short one!
Things are so different for you now - things that you dont consider before you get the pup, and the same for him - you both need to settle and once he has and learned the boundaries that you set him ASAP and in a couple of weeks everything will be great and you will have the dog that you always wanted - really... Its just all about laying down the law, but allowing both of you space to relax ;)

Chin up Butter - most people go through this - although most won't admit it. There are times when they are young when they can be quite horrible. Everything seems to go wrong. It's not about wishing their life away - but wanting that well behaved little pal at your side that everyone else seems to have. Why is it only us that have the badly behaved dogs? We donlt - it's just how it seems. It will get better - but you do have to put the work in if it is to get better.

Look at what he's doing that you don't like and then think why? If he doesn't like coming in - have a nice tasty treat ready for him for when he does. My boys did the same - a bit of dried liver and they were there everytime.Think of the funny things he does, how cute he looked when you picked him up and how fantastic he's gonna be when you've done all your hard work.

The allergy thing is harder though. Try the anti allergy remedies but it may just be a period of building up resilience, if he can.

Good look

Pam n the boys

Hi Butter,Not all puppies are bundles of fun and Im the first to admit that I was in a pickle last year when I got Minnie and Harry almost immediatly I realised I had made a big mistake and I was in for a massive shock,Harry was the most vocal pup imaginable and as soon as the dawn broke he was yapping and howling,he was the only dog ive been in trouble with my neighbour for,I admit that I actualy ended up disliking him a lot,I felt very guilty,also he was very destructive,I had actually bought the pups for showing and had decided if he wasnt good enough to show I would let him go,anyway I knew of someone looking for a decent well bred lab pup and I let him go I felt terrible at first but he is loved and cherished in his new home and he is just what he wanted to be an only dog.Minnie is fine now a wonderful lab and my home returned to a semblance of peace and tranquility ( thats a Joke)
Thats why I try not to judge people too harshly who bring their dogs in rescue,trying to see both sides but mainly just doing whats best for the dog.
Dont feel too bad we have nearly all been through a similar thing.
Chin Up and good luck with what you decide. xx

Hi Butter,
I went through the post partem blues so bad with my first shelties. I had gotten two 6 week old female litter mates. It was Febuary cold and ugly out. I was trying to do the potty training thing religiously. They had been my first puppies. I had a two year old daughter and a 6 year old daughter. I was miserable trying to devote enough time to properly raise these two pups into great dogs. I was literally crying everyday about it. I was constantly double guessing everything I was doing with them. I was driving myself and those around me crazy! But, I read up a little on training, talked to their breeder and others with shelties, and learned to relax. Shelties are quick learners do not sweat the small stuff, it will eventually fall into place, just try to be consistent. The not wanting to come inside is typical sheltie. Is he playing keep away from you? We sheltie breeders call it sheltie keep away. Best way to deal with it is make him chase you. When he gets you praise him, give him a treat. Shelties need lots of praise, in a high voice. Physical responses to miss behavior will only give you a sheltie who runs and cowers under furniture. Usually a deep sharp voice will let them know you aren't happy. It doesn't take them long to learn what you like and don't like. Shelties puppies act quite different from many other puppy breeds. Please talk to other sheltie owners or the breeder. They will have much more advice on how to raise a sheltie.
As to me I so got over my post partem blues ( couple weeks...after you get into the routine) that I became a breeder. I wouldn't lie about how worth it they really are. They are so excellent with my kids it's a dream come true.
Hubby can take some allergy medicine.
If you want to e-mail me please do, I'm rootin for a sucess story!

Carissa

Hi Everyone:

I read all your messages through my tears. They really helped. I still feel like crying and wishing he was gone, but it will get better.

What do I do about the pup whizzing around with teeth flailing? He doesn't hurt us, but he scares us a little, especially the kids. They love the dog, by the way. This is probably the worst thing about him. I've tried "No, ACCCHHHH, holding muzzle. They just get him crazier and more bitier with barking added. I've tried "OWWW" and leaving - he doesn't seem to care.

He is crate trained. He sleeps through the night dry and with no barking or howling. I put him in the crate for when we're gone - no problem. We got him Saturday and he knows what "go whizzy" means and does it in the right spot (when I catch him in time). No mistakes today and I left him uncrated for 1 1/2 hours. He did poo once in the house today. He comes (with treat), he sits (for meals, toys), he is leash trained (for the most part). What more can I ask for????

I asked two people that I know who have the most calm dogs I have ever seen, and they both said that crates make dogs hyper. So I have him in the crate for night and barricaded for the day (even when we go out). I want to see if this calms him down.

He doesn't like to be brushed (he's a sheltie so I need to get him comfortable with it).

Our backyard is dirt and weeds. I hate being back there - he just digs and wanders. I follow him, he follows me. He won't chase balls back there. If we could at least go for walks - that would be fun.

Thanks Pam n the boys for the idea of a treat for coming in. That's good. As for allergies, my husband (the angel) said he could stand anything if it would make me happy.

Cleopatra - that's what our puppy is like - can only pet him when he's just waking up.

Beth - my husband was an anti-dog man too. He is trying his best to love the dog (for me), and I think he's really come around. So I feel so guilty bringing this dog into our family, when he didn't want a dog. But 8 months before we feel bonded seems so hard to deal with.

Thanks everyone. I'm too stressed to read anyone else's mail right now. It took me awhile just to get back on this to send my last message. I just hated everything dog. But I'll come back to see your helpful answers. It's nice to know I'm not the only person who feels like this. I feel so neurotic.

Butter

Hi All:

Bumblebee Acres - it's nice to know that my Sheltie will eventually be a treasure. I thought he would love me by know, but he doesn't seem to. Sigh.

I tend to want to do the most that I can for any issue that arises. I want to be the best mom, the best wife, the best whatever. Now I want to be the best for this puppy. So I'm driving myself crazy when I'm not with him, thinking that he's bored and unhappy. I find myself just sitting beside him while he gnaws on a toy. I don't really want to be doing that - but I feel that I should devote a lot of myt time to him. How much time should I be devoting to him. I know that's a ridiculuous question - but there it is.

Thanks guys, don't know what I'd do without all of you :)

Butter

Hey Butter,
How old did you say he is? About crates I think they're awesome traing tools, just make sure you're using it right. For instance, I don't put water or paper in it. Purina.com has great advice on training. I don't agree that crates make dogs hyper when used correctly.
Take it easy with trying to be perfect. Spend as much time as you want to with him.If your worried about him being bored without you don't, give him some toys in a barred off location that's puppy proof. He can be alone for a couple hours at a time, but do take advantage of 10-15 min. intervals to snuggle him. I make the kids spend a lot of time too. Get them to let him out during the day. Have them try and do the brushing. Let them watch TV with him on their lap. Don't force it but encourage it. My 5 year old is great with the 10 week old male we just got. The running around with teeth barred is because he's excited to be by you, he's teething, and trying to herd you. What I do is tell mine easy. I grab him and hold him in my arms on his back stroking his chest telling him easy in a calm drawn out way and do this until he settles for a bit then tell him good boy and let him go. Sometimes it will have to be repeated. It's a phase he will grow out of it. Just remember consistancy for the first 6 months pays off for the rest of theirs and your life.
Also make sure you enroll in a puppy kindergarten soon because this is needed to properly socialize him. Take him in the car, by the train station, etc. (of course be careful if he hasn't gotten all his puppy shots yet). this will also help make him a great dog.
I think you're doing a great job already, pat yourself on the back.
I promise it won't take 8 months before you bond.

Carissa

Hi All:

It's me again. I have yet another problem. Sigh. Toast (my sheltie) has dried poo on his bum (probably from my interrupting hi poo so he would go in a more appropriate spot. I tried to comb it out, shampoo it out and vaseline it out - nothing helped. Any ideas?

I'm having one of those few good moments. I'm typing this with one hand with the puppy st aring at my keyboard. How sweet. Keep those answers coming. :D

Butter (my what an improvement - a happy face)

snip snip! Get used to it. Some reason this is a sheltie quirk that you need to learn to live with. When I had my two pups at once, I put up a little garden fencing in a circle, and would put them in that for potty. That way they had to go where I wanted, and the other good thing it cut down on sheltie keep away games. They are awfully fast at a very young age.

Carissa

I would hazard a guess that he is displaying puppy excitability (a little like the Border terrier pup mentioned recently), try to move and speak slowly and quietly. when you do catch him, move your hands very slowly when you pet him and speak in a soothing sing song voice, this should calm him. when he is rushing around like a mad thing have the children stand completely still with arms folded ignoring him (Iassume they aren't in shorts), when he clams down they can talk to him low and quiet, but move their hands about as little as possible, if he nips they should stand up and leave his presense. Hwe will learn that calm behaviour is good. Let him have a mad dash around the garden with a toy when he waskes up, this is letting off steam, but once he comes for his treat, all calmness and chilled out!

HI Butter,

Within the 1st 2 weeks i must have thought about sending solo back to his breeder everyday, and that that was the best thing for him. I could have sworn he was evil incarnate! There was no bond, i wanted to try and cuddle he snapped at faces and wiggled! Being a staff we became quite firm with him, and layed down the law and he improved considerably!
If he snapped or nipped, attention stopped, then attacked trousers so moved him away with a forcful no - thought big game, shouted no and stared in face, realised not fun anymore, sulked! This went on continuously for a couple of days, and then it just seemed to click! We would have a play then toy put away, sit, stroke (if he bit then stroking stopped immediately rest 10 seconds then start again), if let stroke twice, toy came out and play for 5 mins - did this continuously, and now he will actually come over for a cuddle!
Think you are definately being too hard on yourself, hes not yet been with you a week, and doesn't know the boudaries yet. Many people say that you shouldn't say no to a pup too often, but i find thats all i ever seem to be saying, and only in the last 10 days has he really wroked out what it means... Now it all, solo no leave, or solo no outside! adding up vocabulary, but the most important thing he needs to know now is that no means STOP RIGHT NOW, and this can be hard, but once they have that things become almost easy (note that i said almost :D)
Chin up Butter, in such a little while you'll be on here saying how wonderful he is, and how clever!
x Alex

Hi

I have 8 dogs all together and love them all. However when I got Ebony I really took a dislike to her and found that everything she did annoyed me. It was so bad that if one of the other dogs did something wrong I'd blame Ebony. We had no bond whatsoever and I believed that she disliked me (looking back I can't blame her). Ebony would do anything for anyone other than me!!! I felt really awful and nearly rehomed her.
She is now 13 months old and I wouldn't part with her for the world. She has gone from a very indifferent dog to a dog who will do anything to please me. In 6 weeks she has managed to become the top gundog in the basic training class. She has also passed 2 obedience classes.
It's very difficult to admit you don't like your dog but I feel it is the first step to curing the problem. Work with your dog and it will come.
Imagine how you would feel if you lost him in an accident or something and I think you will find that you really do love him, your just finding him extremely hard work at the moment.

Goodluck

Hi Butter- I don't know what to say really- but I felt I still wanted to come on and offer you my sympathy anyway:) I think you're very brave for posting this and wish you the very best of luck- I hope he gets better soon for you and I hope you can both begin to enjoy each other more soon- when is he allowed out?- maybe that'll help? The only thing I can think of saying is that Kassie is a sod (that's quite mild actually). I don't know if you can remember or not but I cleared the utility room out and made it into a little room for her (not that little though 2m long X 2m wide complete with window, back door etc-before I have the RSPCA phoned on me;)) I have a childs safety gate across the door way rather than close the door and it works great when you're cooking etc so she isn't tripping you up when you're carrying hot pans etc but I found that when I let her out she was like a dog possesed:(- I've now started leaving her out more often and in the space of a week she is much better- a lot calmer now as it's the 'normal' thing to do:) So much for not having much to say eh;) Seriously though I wish you the very best of luck:)

Stacey x x x

Hi butter, I too think you were very brave to post your original message, and say........Well Done You. You are trying to find some help for your problems from people who know about dogs, and many who have been in your position. Things WILL get better, I promise, and in a few months time you will be able to smile at all this:) Just think to yourself..." soon I wouldnt be able to bear the thought of NOT having toast with us" It will come true.honest!!

Awww, all you guys have been wonderful. :) :)

After reading your messages, I have done a complete turnabout. He's much, much more calm and we get along so well. He gives me kisses now, and I actually feel the dog-owner bond. I am so surprised that it worked out. I was convinced that dog was gone!!! Yesterday when I was out, I actually met 3 people who had shelties (one I met who was looking at her just developed pictures and my kids noticed they had a sheltie). They all said (just like bumblebee acres) that they felt the same way, but now their dogs are the best dogs in the world. I was actually dry-heaving in the mornings, but now that's gone. I am so happy!!! I wouldn't be where I am now if not for you guys, because I would have felt that it was something fundamentally wrong with me being a dog owner. It's not all 100%, but now I know that Toast is staying in our family.

Thanks ever so much!!!

Butter :)

Really pleased to hear your news Butter, you are almost there.xxxxx

i only read all of this tonight/morning, i felt so sorry for you, i think most of us have had dogs we've not got on with for quite a while but it usually mends, you have to learn to relax, stop giving yourself a hard time, yopu really dont have to be glued to the pups side while it chews a bone, infact all of that could make it clingy------as far as cages go,!! theyre a godsend, ive used them for years and not once did it make any of my dogs hyper, --good luck with the pup, hope it works out for you-[BOTH] :D

Great news Butter, now you will start learning and developing together. You will now start to find you can manage your pup and what he does. Yes, you will probably feel exasperated at times, but not helpless as before. You will 'dive in' and deal with whatever, and notice and enjoy the best bits most!!

By the way dogs do not need to be 'constantly entertained'! - They enjoy amusing themselves or just resting. (By the way, when the puppy is sleeping don't let the children disturb him, like babies they NEED their sleep).

Keep a good eye on a puppy though, cos it is surprising the mischief they can manage at times! - but then you already know that ;)

With all kind wishes,
Denise.

Hey Butter!
I'm so very glad that things are starting to work out. Don't be discouraged if you have a set back here and there. I think we all go through those days when we go "why am I doing this?". Just take a deep breath and have a good laugh, they are only puppies once and it doesn't last very long. I'm also happy to hear that you've run into other sheltie owners, it can help a lot to talk to them, shelties are kind of different.
Have a great weekend! The kids and I are going to wash the dogs in the baby pool today what fun!

Carissa

Hi Butter
Just wondering how everything is going for you?

Hi,

I felt the same as you when I got my pup about a year ago. This was my second pup, and I have to say, I was prepared for these feelings this time around, because I felt exactly the same when I got my whippet pup six years ago.

The build up and excitement was great, but when you actually bring the pup home, it's so different. I went thought the motions of caring and looking after him, but I was so depressed, and almost burst into tears a couple of times. I would wake up early in the morning sick with worry and that would be the worst time. I felt really tied down and the thought of caring for my dog for the next 12-16 years really weighed heavily upon me. There were so many times when I thought, "I can't do this, this just isn't going to work out. If only I could go back to the way things were before!". Suddenly after a week, when we were getting into a routine and getting used to each other, it just clicked and I fell completely in love with my pup, and everything felt right again. Little problems can feel like huge ones at first, but you will overcome them honestly. I worried myself sick about how I was going to master the grooming side of things, but after a few phone calls, I found someone to help. I think what you went through was quite natural, and I'm glad you've turned that corner and are feeling better now.