my friend who is terminally ill & been in hospital some weeks now, is due to come out & go home in a few days.
Her OH is big burly farmer who wouldnt even know where a duster or hoover lived.or if they even owned one...which is fine  whilst OH is up & about but now she is so ill it has to be said that the house is in a fair state. I really want to go & give it all a hoover, dust, polish & put some flowers about for her for when she comes home.... but have no idea how to breach the subject tactfuly & without making him think he hasnt been doing a good job on his own these last few weeks...hes very proud & would be mortified to think I had noticed it needed a clean..so come on all you tactful folk you always seem to know the right things to say....any ideas please?

Can you ring to find out exactly when she's coming home and then say that you would like to do something nice for her to welcome her home and to make things special for her and, knowing of course how busy he is working, would it be all right if you came in and made the house all homely?

How about adding the female touch for when she comes home????  Very sexist but if he's a burly farmer who doesn't know where the duster is, it may be talking his language! ;)

The people I know with terminally ill spouses really struggled with managing the house and spending quality time with their loved ones. Could you say you understand how much he has on his plate and would like to help by taking some of the drudgery off his hands so he can concentrate on her. My MIL would have loved to have someone offer to help with the chores when her husband was ill and she's a cracking good cleaner.

The best way would be to make sure he understands its normal to get behind with housework when he's busy and his wife is seriously ill and to offer to come around and help him tidy up, even if you and he both know he won't be helping.

Or ask him if he is doing anything special for when she comes home and that you would like to buy some flowers for her, make/buy a cake (even if she isn't up to eating it) and when you go round just tidy a bit without asking.

Or offer to help in a couple of ways and hope he takes you up on it, I know you must be really busy getting ready for wife to come home, I'd like to help, could I fetch shopping for you or tidy up or something?