I was invited to a hen night tonight, never been to one before, and I'm not great at social occasions but this was someone from my agility club so I thought it would be good. Usually I avoid anything where I have to get dressed up, I feel so awkward - a fish out of water. Anyway, I thought this sounded like fun, I like the people from the club so I'd make myself go. I got a whole new outfit and managed to get the night off work, I was so nervous I started getting ready about 5 o'clock then left the house early as I didn't want to get 'doggled'. I drove around for a while and arrived at the place at 7.10 (we were to meet 7.30). I sat outside in the car park for a few minutes, took a deep breath and went in. I didn't recognise anyone inside so made for the loo to hide there. I couldn't stay in there all night so had to come out, I went and sat at the bar and ordered a diet coke. I couldn't see the door from the bar, but didn't want to move so just peeked at people out the corner of my eye as they came in - all the time feeling very self-conscious. Anyway, lots of people came in, two groups of women but I didn't recognise any of the ones that turned my way. My coke was finished so I left! I sat outside in the car for a bit but it was dark and raining so I'd no chance of recognising anyone getting out their cars either, by this time it was 7.45 so I drove away :(   I went to the KFC drive through for some serious comfort eating then I got a text from the person who's hen night it was asking if I was almost there. They were either a few minutes late or I didn't see them, either way I felt really awful. I texted back saying I was in KFC, that I had waited for a half hour and have a good night. Of course that doesn't sound at all the way I meant it and I felt really bad. I've behaved like a 12 year old, I've possibly annoyed/upset someone on their special night and I feel a fool. I have to see these people tomorrow at agility and have no idea how to explain myself :(

Can't you go back now?

thats what i would hae said. go back :D :D :D :D :D
Lea :)

Oh don't worry :) I am sure they will be fine ;)

They will have had a good night out and I am sure they will be concerned that you weren't with them rather than being funny with you ;)

Be honest and say how nervous you felt

If they are funny then they aren't what you would consider friends ;)

Lucy
xx

Hey - don't worry!  I know exactly how you feel - I have to confess it's something I've done before too, so you're not on your own. :) It's the stress of the social situation, and then the adrenaline gets to you, and you can't just sit and wait.

They'll still be out - what about texting and finding where they are, then going and joining them now? In a lot of ways it's easier when everyone else has arrived, you can just sit down next to someone you know, and start talking to them, then you feel so much more relaxed. After all, if they're from agility they'll be happy to talk dogs :) And I know from past experience you'll feel SOOO much better if you do that and go, even just for a little bit, and it'll save you sitting and worrying too :) Go on girl, you can do it :) :)

Go, Go, Go, now!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I wish I could :(

I can't explain it but I just can't bring myself to go back out. And anyway now I've been crying and look awful, and I'm covered in dog hairs having been hugging the dogs.

I just need to think about how to explain tomorrow why I didn't go back - or stay in the first place :rolleyes:

I think you should be really forthright with them tomorrow and tell them how you felt. I was extremely shy when young and people misunderstand me; some thought I was stuck up and thought I was too good to talk to them. The reality was I thought I was too boring to say anything. Things were much better when that all came out! They may even help you crawl out of the shell a bit.

I can't offer any advice, but I know how you feel - done the same thing myself numerous times!  I'm not good in social situations, but am getting better, it's a matter of forcing myself to do things!

Please don't feel dissapointed in yourself - just try and explain to the person/people, I'm sure they'll be fine about it.

Lisa

Here is a hug for you.  I have done this before and it isn't nice to feel like this but I am sure they will understand

Linda

Tell the truth sweetheart, we've all been in the same situation and I'm sure they'll understand. It takes a lot of gutz to go into a pub by yourself anyway, let alone sit there sipping coke like billy loner. Next time, try to go out with some-one else in tow, ask if you can bring a friend/sister etc. Everyone loves a hen night once it gets going and you'll wish tomorrow that you'd gone, but ah.... that's life, never mind.

These people obviously care enough that they were missing you I am sure they will understand if you tell them of the anxieties you experienced and perhaps you could all have another go at a lower key social event :)

Don't worry I'm sure when you explain how you were feeling it'll be fine. I did this once having not been out for ages and ages. I arrived at the pub, parked outside then sat there for over half and hour, not having the courage to get out the car and go in! I gave up on myself and went home, same as you - it was a hen night and I too got a text asking where I'd got to on the way home. I explained to them how I'd felt but they were just worried about me! Went out with the same lot a few weeks later and it was fine. So don't worry.
:)
Here, have a hug.. ((())) xx

Oh please don't be disappointed with yourself. We all have times when we aren't so good at dealing with situations :) 

If you tell them what happened I am sure they will understand - not everybody finds it easy to deal with social occasions but at least you tried.

Sending hugs to you :) :)

You know this reminded me SO much of myself. Every little bit of it. So I don't have any advice but I can well imagine how you feel and you can't HELP it. Try not beating yourself up.

Text them back telling them how it was.  Sometimes it is easier than face to face.

Yes, I'd just be honest and don't feel too bad - it is just one of those awful things that can happen when we are in a social situation we aren't certain of. It's really not easy to go into a pub on your own, and feel conspicuous!

Be kind to yourself and maybe next time ask if you can meet outside the pub at the door or something like that...:)

Lindsay
x

oh hun, dont feel bad that must have been AWFUL. id not have been able to go back after...esp after the KFC.

Its a shame one of them didnt offer to pick you up so you could have gone into the pub together

Don't beat yourself up about it mate.  You made the first big step which was actually going there in the first place.  Don't let this put you off going out again, just try and forget about it.  Don't worry about the text either.  You can explain it all when you see them next :)

Debs

I've been in that position too. If someone says to me they are going to be there at 7.30 I'm there at least 15mins early. In my case it was a xmas do from work. I was there early as usual, know one showed until at least 30 mins after the meeting time. I was ready to go, when they turned up all happy, they'd been for a quick drink! I wasn't a happy puppy & it ruined my eveing & I left early. Don't worry, we all get narked & feel like we're the only one feeling low & pi**ed off. Perhaps if you have another outing, arrange to meet or pick someone up before hand so you're not waiting alone. Aren't our dogs just the comfort we need....

I think you were really brave going into the pub on your own I could never do that and probably wouldn't have agreed to go at all unless I was meeting everyone at somebodys house so I knew were everyone was I am forever knocking back invitations to go out cos I am a coward at least you made the effort.

Thanks for your support everyone :) 

Isn't it amazing how many of us are awful in social situations, clearly we weren't socialised enough as puppies :D

I sent an email last night to the person whos hen night it was, and got a lovely reply back today, so all sorted :)

>got a lovely reply back today, so all sorted<
             :)   :)   :)
I'm so relieved..... ooooh Chaums!! isnt it funny how protective we get of each other (;) ) my heart was breaking for you reading your first post.
(oone of those 'want to burst through the screen and hug you' moments ;) )

Hope you've stopped being sooo hard on yourself about this, you know.. even those of us that have enough 'Chutzpah' to power the national grid have wobbles of confidence, and I'd say walking into any bar/resteraunt/event on your own is one of the toughest things.
   OH and I were at a wedding evening reception last night were I knew no one, and even though I can stand in the boxing room at Hendon police training school and holler at 40 recruits I didnt let OH go to the toilet all night as I didnt want to be left on my own!!!!!!!! :D :D
   Aaaaaaaand when I finally did let him go, the Bride staggered up to me (verrrrrry drunk!) and said "I have absolutely nooooooo idea who you are" in a very accusing tone! :O ......horrrrrendous!
   So if I'd known you were at KFC..I'd have come and joined ya!!!!! :D

{{Hugs}} now, stop thinking about it!! and guess who will now be top on the list for my Hen night :D  (well, actually do you mind being joint top with Missie, as she's a terrible sulker if she reads this!! ;) ;) )

I'm glad it's all sorted out for you.  :-)

Lisa

Chaumsong you will have to make an excuse not to go to HG's hen night - she keeps putting links to these time consuming quizzes on here so you will sit down to play one, forget the time and end up feeling bad because you missed her night out :D :D

Wanna Newfie as a ring bearer and a very very very mad woman on crutches, or scooter, or firemans lift over hubbys shoulders(poor b****r would collapse after one step!) ;)

Just caught your post, so glad all turned out well. Poor you.
Have you had a laugh about it yet. :-)

It's the one thing I won't ever do, meet people inside a pub, club, restaurant now, I always arrange to meet one of them at their home or outside the place.  It's hard for anyone going in a place alone, I wouldn't want to do it either, you feel everyone is looking at you for just being alone, (which they are not, but it feels like it.)

Just to make you laugh, I started a new job in a new area when a teen and all the staff invited me to meet them at a pub, they gave me the High St and time etc.  Well I turned up waited outside, waited, eventually went inside, waited, back outside I actually hung around for an hour (had loads of drunken men asking to buy me a drink and felt like a real twit so eventually I called a cab and then went home really confused.  Turns out I was at the wrong pub there was another one about two miles up the high street with the same name.:rolleyes:

But even now thinking about it, (a good few years ago ;-) ) I can still feel that horrible feeling of abandonment and how self conscious I felt being there alone, so I really do sympathies and I was a very well socialised puppy. :-D

Hi

I wish that I had seen this before last night and I would have given you a big hug.  I am sure that the person concerned will think nothing of it.  Just a shame that you missed what sounded like a good night.

I think you were really brave to go on your own in the first place, and like what was said earlier, they must think alot of you to ask where you were. I feel like this sometimes, I chicken out alot of the time in going, or I turn up late and make excuses!!! Everything will be fine!! Or you could organize a night out? This might be a good idea

Maybe you are a "Highly Sensitive Person".  No kidding, there is such a thing.  Do an internet search for highly sensitive people and you will find many sites devoted to explaining this.  Some of the symptoms are discomfort in crowds, sensitivity to loud noise and the appearance of being quiet, introverted, timid or shy.  I have been told I appear this way and the first time someone said "sensitive" I thought, yeah, right that's just another way of saying self-centred.  But, it is an acknowledged personality trait.   Here is a link to one site that has a self test you can do.  http://www.hsperson.com/index.html