Our neighbour has 6 weeks ago rehomed a Cocker Spaniel.
He is delightful, aged 4, fully housetrained, loves company etc etc ..... basically the perfect pet you could want if you don't want to go through the pup stage.
However, she is finding it very difficult to bond with him.
She takes him out every day for a good hour or so, plays with him and so on but she has said to me that she finds it difficult to give him a cuddle.
IMO i think she LIKES the idea of having a dog but in reality not sure it's what she really wants. Her little boy is smitten by him and maybe she feels she has to keep going with him in case her son is upset, but i have told her that it's not fair on the spaniel, her and her son. (Feel like an agony aunt for her).
Do you naturally bond instantly with your pet (I did with mine) or have other people felt like this.
Any comments or ideas that i can pass on to her.

It can take a long time for a dog to bond fully with its owner - rescue dogs especially.  They are in a new environment with new rules, people and experiences - it can be overwhelming.  Some dogs bond quite quickly - my brother's dog developed SA when away from him after being home for around a month - others take a long, long time; my tutor's rescue took at least a year I believe, but he did have serious emotional issues to get over.

Your neighbour needs to be patient, as long as she treats the dog with kindness and doesn't yell at him, hit him or handle him roughly he'll come around.  She could try hand feeding him his meals while she strokes him slowly, that will help build a good association in his mind with both her and being touched.  Training him - tricks, fun stuff - will also help strengthen the bond, as she'd be working his mind and he'd see that great things come from mum!

Not to worry! ;-)

I am a complete dog nut so I'll bond with anything on four legs :-D  However hubby is the complete opposite he has never yet bonded with a pup or dog initially, it takes about 6 months for him to go dog soppy but when he does they are then his world too.

It is probably the same with your neighbour, she has to get to know her dog, has to start to feel for him with her it is also not instant.  If she has a loving dog, well trained, and loved by her boy personally I feel it would be a mistake for her to re-home the dog, I expect if this dog were to cut it's paw or have a bad meeting with another dog her maternal instinct would kick in.

I once had a potential puppy owner come with her hubby who was the dog nut, the wife was very honest with me and freely admitted that it took her 7 years! to bond with her old dog, this is something I have never, ever, heard of but when this dog became incontinant she cared for him and loved him for the rest of his life she carried him around and was the best mum in the world, she was worried it would take her another 7 years to bond with a pup.

To be honest I took two weeks to decide whether or not I would let my pup go to this home as the wife would have been the main carer, it was something I had never heard of and have not since, she was willing to care and train the pup but was worried she may not love her.  The husband brought me photo's of their old dog and showed me how his wife had looked after him. He had contacted me just after my last litter and been on my waiting list for a whole year, he was so keen to have this pup.

In the end I took the risk as I thought to myself well hubby will dote on the pup, the wife will be there all day she will clean, play, train and walk the pup even if it is done on automatic pilot with no real emotion the pup will get all it needs plus the cuddles and love from the husband, who was madly in love with her.

I took the risk, the wife very kindly wrote to me every single week to let me know how things were and just incase things went wrong. She stuck with it and I am happy to say she loves her girl very much, I made the right decision.

For now, as long as your neighbour feeds, walks and cares for the dog and the dog is getting cuddles from the boy that is all she needs to do for now as long as she harbours no ill will to the dog and is just complacant about him I would give it a good 6 months, love is not always instant, even mothers and their babies can feel that way, she does not have to love him yet, perhaps if she knows that it will take the pressure off her.

I am a complete dog nut so I'll bond with anything on four legs   However hubby is the complete opposite he has never yet bonded with a pup or dog initially, it takes about 6 months for him to go dog soppy but when he does they are then his world too.

Exactly the same here! I brought in an 11 month old Yorkie and my hubby said that she wasn't a 'proper dog' - I was really worried that he wouldn't like her but after a couple of months when I told him she'd sniffed his shoes and wagged her tail they became inseparable! After 10 years he still calls her his 'wife'  :) I also took on an eight year old toy Poodle 3 years ago - hubby was not best pleased! But now she's wife number 2!! I think I come a close 3rd! :rolleyes:

I would happily have given my dog back to the breeder at any point in the first month as she was a total nightmare but so glad I persisted as she is now (nearly 4 years later) the apple of my eye.

I can say I bonded well with Missie (rspca) approx 7 years ago (she was about 6 at the time) It was just that she looked so sad in the kennels and so pleased for the freedom :) and she follows me about everywhere, even waiting outside the loo!
My first leo, Maddie, well again it was love at first sight and I would give my life for her. Now, my second leo took a bit more time. Don't get me wrong I wanted her and wanted to love her but just couldn't at first, don't know why? well I could put it down to maddie becoming ill around the same time and needing all my attention which went on for 11 months so I suppose I could put it down to that :( but even though it took a while I feel I have now bonded with her aswell and wouldn't change anything. My 3rd leo, she is only 14 weeks and a little demon but I love her to bits too :)
You'd have to have a hard heart not to love any of them. Even if I could turn the clock back 7 years I'd still do it all over again with the same dogs :)

I'm sure your neighbour loves the dog and maybe just needs time?

I thought I wasnt bonding with Angel at first, although her and OH had no problems. Then I took her in to be spayed and cried all the way home. Didn't do much all day, picked her up all drunk and cried all the way home. I think because it feels different with different dogs, sometimes you are not aware of what those feelings are. Also she was a bit of a pain on walks, so that made them stressful,which is probably another reason I didnt recognise my feelings.

I've only ever acquired one dog as an adult, the rest have all been puppies, although some as old as 10 months. The adult dog I bought was 2, he was a real sweetie, very loving and soppy and he done very well for me in the ring, becoming a champion quickly and with lots of open show best in shows. He was a succesful stud dog, you would think he was the perfect dog - certainly many others thought so. I never bonded with him - and to be honest never really liked him :(  Obviously I looked after him well, and saw to his every need, but he's the only dog I've ever owned that I haven't loved. I would never take on another adult dog now, for fear of not being able to bond with it either. No help to your neighbour I know, but just to say that I think it is much harder to connect with an adult dog.

I would expect it to take longr than 6 Weeks for a dog to start to really feel at home ad longer than that to bond with them myself, depending on how attached I was to th previous dog.

Actually it sort of creeps up on you.

I know it took me six months to really bond with my Elkhound puppy after I lost my 3 year old Groenendael bitch.  Until then it just felt like I was going through the motions.

I know it took me six months to really bond with my Elkhound puppy after I lost my 3 year old Groenendael bitch.  Until then it just felt like I was going through the motions.

Know exactly what you mean about going through the motions, then one day it just kicked in. 

Plus surely the fact that it's bonding with the child is good enough.  We all know that many of our dogs bond with one of us more than the rest of the family.

a real bond is something very personal, and very subtle. it took me and flo about 2/3 months.

from the outset my oh and the dog look closest- always playing, and cuddling etc.
but when Flo is worried or injured etc, she seeks myself. and she is so close to my heart even though on the outside i seem the strict one - the one whos 'boss' , really she is very special- its a bond that will never die even when she is gone. a bond between a person and a dog is meant to be protected and never jeopardised.

when you rescue a dog, you must realise that the dog may have bonded extremely closely to his last owner, and will need time and patience to learn to trust another human completely.

i felt extremely privileged that Flo would accept me and love me as much as i love her.xxx

(sorry for going on, feeling very hormonal!)

We have a similar thing - I have bonded much more closely with my Cavs than with the American cocker, though I do love him and care for him. He was the breed my OH wanted, and I wanted a Cav, and we got one of each in the end (though now have 2 Cavs!). My Cav's breeder once said she would not have sold him to us if I hadn't been so gooey over the puppies, as my OH, being rather shy and it not being the breed he wanted, just sat there showing very little interest. But he has bonded with all three now, though is still less keen on the 1st Cav. It took months to persuade him to let me buy the 2nd Cav, but I caught him recently whispering to her 'sometimes you're my favourite'! Aww, cute! :-)

The harder work a dog is, the greater the bond will be. Strange I know, but that's how it has gone for me. Time and dedication factors + demanding attention and focus= love.

One of our dogs has finally acknowledged my existence after 7½ years. We'll never be 'cuddly-close' - that's not how he works. Each relationship is different.

I have labs and about 5 years ago brought in a chocolate girl who was from the same kennel  as my original lab Beth. Beth is my best friend and everything I want in a lab. Breeze the chocolate was thick and basically a dog you would say something to and the face never changed it was like there was just no one home.
I have dogs here too that I have bred myself in between Beth and Breeze.
I could never take to Breeze and in a group of 8 she was like the child who just sits at the back. Everyone else would say how lovely she was but I just couldn't see it. At 2 years old I let Breeze go and live with a friend of mine as SHE KNEW i didn't like her. Not that I was ever nasty to her there was just nothing between us. She is now settled and happy and if we see each other she is all over me and I actually prefer her now.
Looking back I think I was expecting another Beth which no dog ever will be, not even Beth's children although very very similar in every way,will obviously ever be Beth!!! Also my labs have very big personalities which Breeze didn't and I think that probably added to the fact that she just didn't fit in with my lot.
I always felt awful not liking Breeze but I guess it is just one of those things. Interestingly enough she did come back and have a litter for me and the whelping went wrong and we nearly lost her and the pain and stress I went though that day showed me just how much I really did love and care for her. I kept 2 pups from her and I worked really really hard to make sure they turned out to have a lot more personality than their mum. The pups are now 18 months old, happy, outgoing and full of fun, and I will always be grateful to Breeze for such lovely dogs.

Bit of track, but I have found when my girls have become Mums the relationship between us becomes much deeper.  Then even more than  normal they are just so totally dependent on you, and grateful I think for the support they get and need.

I have found when my girls have become Mums the relationship between us becomes much deeper.

Very true in my experience. There is just that much more after a litter.

So true :)

I had a rescue girl called Cassie and she was the same :)

She had been throughly spoilt and was like a telly tubby when we got her :rolleyes:

We spent six months of getting her weight down and trying our best to make her feel at home and however hard we tried she wouldn't settle :(

It became a battle of wills in the end and I really started to resent her as I just couldn't get through :(

I decided in the end to get her rehomed to a one dog family and she never looked back :)

The thing that made it so hard is that she was rehomed to me as both her owners had terminal illnesses :(

I felt although I had failed them but now know I did the right thing for her and at least I got the weight off her which meant it gave her a few more years :)

Lucy
xx

"The harder work a dog is, the greater the bond will be" ...........if thats the case then me and mine are joined at the hip with cement!

It took me several months to bond with a puppy I bought from a breeder at the age of 9 weeks.  He would always happily go anywhere with anyone who showed any interest in him and never looked back at me.  In fact it was over a year before I became aware that he was worming his way into my heart.  This was a deliberate act on his part.  He would sit on my lap (he's a small papillon), lean back against me and look up at my face, bending his neck backwards to do so.

If a puppy who's never had any other home can take that long, it's not surprising an older dog with a chequered past isn't bonding after only 6 weeks.  The poor thing probably thinks he'll be moved on again soon.  Real bonding can take time.  OK, I know my daughter and her whippet bonded almost instantly but then he chose her, not vice versa.

If I am honest I wasn't to happy when i brought Cindyloo home we had recently lost Charlie and when I looked at the scrawny little bitch she just wasn't the big dumb cav I had lost and missed I fed her walked her and cared for her but admitted to one friend I didn't love her.  I don't know when that changed but when i went on my honeymoon i cried at the idea of leaving her we had to pick her up on the way home from the airport.  I don't think you bond with anything straight away but in all honesty I love Cindyloo and Milo now that I am a bit to protective no one can in my opinion look after them as well as me and I am as protective of them as I would be of a child they are my babies.  And for all my flaws they seem to adore me to

Although i dont like to admit it having had dogs all my life and bred dogs i bought one lab bitch from a breeder who was 15 months old was and is still completely nuts never been trained no recall cant tell you the number of times she has ran away and we have chased her for 2 or 3 hours on quad bikes on foot in cars shes one of these really bounce labs and i just couldnt love her like the rest of my dogs as with the rest id put them before anybody there life and all although i looked after this lab fed her walked her tried to love her it took me nearly a year its always been love at first site with the rest but for some reason i couldnt with this girl i think i expect to much from her id expected her to be like my other labs faithful loving loyal quite calm well trained easy to handle we have got there in the end it just took longer for unknown reason maybe because she was so naughty and i didnt think i could control her bearing in mind i have danes and have no problems with them( being 17-18 stone in weight) i think it annoyed me more because i couldnt but a nearly a year later i love her to bits

i can't speak for having a rescue dog, but when we got out second dog (Bu), it seemed like a great idea at the time. We took Teka with us when we went to pick him up, and he was smitten as soon as they met, even though he was only 8 and a bit weeks at the time-she wasn't fussed to be honest. Rich sat in the back and had him on his knee, but Bu just wanted to get in the boot with Teka, so he did in the end. When we were driving home, i couldn't help but think that maybe we'd made a mistake, and i was really worried about how Teka would be. Would she feel left out? Would she be jealous? Would she hate me?. I pretty much disowned him for the first week-only doing the bare minimum of training, playing etc-i was hoping he'd become a daddy's boy and we'd each have "our own" dog, but it never worked out like that-the fat little podger wormed his way in my heart, and after a couple of weeks, i was smitten-as was Teka (i think she was smitten from day one-a live in playmate who was happy being pinned to floor and rolled on-you should see some of the camcorder footage from the first few days!!!). She didn't like me that much thoguh. Each time i spent time with him, she'd have this look on her face, and always went to Rich. Unless it was walkies time. Or time for food..... Nothings changed really-she goes to her dad for a cuddle, and comes to me for food, play and walking!