Sorry to be a  misery - it's not normally my way, but I really just need to hammer this out, sigh, make a coffee, eat some chocolate and then bounce back....

To cut a long story as short as possible...  When I had my 12 week scan with my first pregnancy in 2003 the nurse noticed I had a massive ovarian cyst on the left which was endangering the lives of me and my baby.  I had been going to my doctors with symptoms for 18 months, but they faffed around and decided it was all in my head....  I had an emergency op, they removed my left ovary and the cyst and luckily I made it through and Mia was safely delivered 6 months later.

Since Mia was born, I've always said "never say never" when people have asked if we'll have any more, but OH always said "no way".  Recently I've been getting broody and asked OH to consider having another baby.  He promised to think about it.

A few weeks ago I began feeling unwell and getting symptoms of another cyst.  So off I trot to the doctors (a new practice by the way) and he says yes he can feel something on the right and will send me for a scan to get it confirmed.  He then asked if I was planning more children so I answered honestly.  He advised OH make his mind up very soon as if the scan confirms a similar cyst they will have to remove the right ovary as well - and if we do want children they will have to take what eggs they can to freeze before they operate.

When I told OH, he was obviously worried about me having to go through everything again, but he really didn't seem to care that it might mean we definitely can't have more children.  He almost seemed like this was making the decision for him...

Now a lot of this is Ifs and Maybes, but today I've been really depressed about the whole thing.  Silly I know as the cyst may not be so serious this time round and the ovary may be saved, or they could freeze my eggs and OH might decide he does want another child and we could go down the IVF route.  But I can't seem to drag myself out of feeling sad.  Stupid really, I've got a lovely daughter already - more that a lot of couples could wish for.  So I'm going to go and give myself a good kicking and stop being a misery.

Thanks for listening, no need to reply, I already feel a little better.
Helen

Ah Helen I understand why you are feeling low, you probably expected a bit more encouragement from your OH but his dismissal probably shocked and saddened you - of course you have the right to feel down because even though you are blessed with one daughter there is nothing to say you should not want a sibling for her.

Try not to let it get you too down until you know the outcome, I would also have another chat with your OH to discuss your reasons for wanting another baby - I am sure he would then understand ;)

Hope you feel better x

I understand - it sounds as though decisions are being taken out of your control, and that makes us feel helpless and unhappy. There's nothing I can say that'll make you feel better - telling you to stop being a misery certainly wouldn't, and wouldn't be fair either! You have a right to feel sad, so don't fight it. Acknowledge it, let it happen and you'll come to terms with it sooner than if you try to pretend everything's fine.

I am sorry for you. Not being able to have children, whether or not you want them, is a big deal no matter what some people might say. To have the choice taken away, after all the propoganda about "A woman's right to choose" is upsetting, and you're OH's apparent inability to understand is hurtful. Talk it through with him - he may not know what reaction would hurt you least. (Men aren't very bright when it comes to emotions! ;)) I hope it all works out all right and the cyst isn't as bad as the previous one. Good luck.

Hi Helen
I'm so sorry to hear this, and it's completeley normal that you feel so sad.
Don't be too hard on your husband. It is very hard for men to understand feelings that us girls have. It may be that he is really sad that there may not be another baby, but if he told you he might worry that he'd upset you more - it could be a brave face he's putting on. Plus, the problems you had before, well that might have scared him more than he'll let on and he might not want to encourage you to go through anything. Men are big softies - honestly !.
We were unable to have children and I'd be lying if I said it was easy to deal with. Even now, after all these years, something occasionally sets me off and I get very low. My husband appears ok, but it's not something that we ever discuss now (both 43 - enjoying life - doing what we want - when we want.....getting very selfish......and why not ?!!).
You have a wonderful daughter already but that can't stop the natural feelings of wanting more so don't feel guilty.
Talking is the best thing, or if it's easier, write your thoughts and feelings down for him to read so that he really understands you.
Whatever happens, you will feel happy again - I promise.
Val

Can't you take control for yourself again but having the eggs frozen anyway or are they suggesting they are fertilised first?  I don't think you have to have OH permission if they are not fertilised do you?
If you do that you could have this tussle with OH later when you are feeling stronger which after all would be the same niggle that any couple could have if they were not quite in agreement about whether the family is complete except that they would be then going off to concieve in a rather more straightforward fashion :) 

Thanks all.  My OH is a wonderful hubby and an amazing Dad - whatever happens I know I have so much to be grateful for.

Whatever happens, if it comes to it, I will definitely have any eggs frozen (not sure if they would be fertilised first or not, the doctor and I didn't go that far down the road seeing as we haven't had the scan yet).

I was just wallowing in self pity and after reading my own post I've made a concerted effort to cheer up, and to put everything aside until after the scan (hopefully the wait wont be too long).  Will broach the subject again with OH tomorrow!

Thanks again,
Helen

You wallow, the beauty of this place is we can get it off our chests, be told what we really know already, and smile at the positives that are still there.
It allows us to pick ourselves up and dust ourselves down if you like.
Good luck to you :-)