Just after other mums advice really (and any dads out there too of course :D). 

My 3 daughters all go to a RC school 5 mins drive away (we're not catholics but the school had a really good reputation etc etc:rolleyes:).  Two of them are in year 2 and the other in reception.  Last year one of my twins was really quiet for a few days and she told me that a boy was bullying her so I obviously spoke with the teachers etc and it was sorted out/apologies etc etc.   :(  I have since found out that the same boy along with another in their year, indecently exposed themselves a couple of months ago to a reception child and then asked to see her (you know what I am getting at). The response from the school was ok (not brilliant) with the bullying child seeing a counsellor and the other was temporary excluded - he is now back.  Two other girls from years 4 and 5 have also been bullied recently and not a lot seems to have been done.  One of the girls was taken out of the school through lack of support from the headmistress etc and the other stayed at home a few days and went back after the parents practically had to threaten to make a lot of noise to news/LEA etc etc.

Also, the reception teacher teaching my youngest got me confused with my SIL who picked my daughter up one day as I was out and struggled to remember who my daughter was???!!!! and started talking to my SIL as if she was me (incidently, the teacher taught my twins the whole of the previous year :rolleyes: and struggled to remember who they were and what year they were in - combined reception/year 1 class at the time).

What would you do in these circumstances?  I am feeling really unhappy with the school as a whole and the way they teach and how they have reacted to all the incidences etc   I have started looking around for a new school (just getting info at the moment) Is it me be paranoid and maybe expecting too much from the school? Moving to a new school would obviously mean the girls leaving their friends and finding a new school that would have places for all 3 is quite difficult:rolleyes:.

I don't know how your school is run, but I assume they have Governors? Who probably have children at the school? I would write a letter of concern to them pointing out that it isn't just your children that are being targeted. Can the parents of the other children get together and visit the school and speak to the head teacher about it?

I don't think that you are being silly, or paranoid. Your children have to feel happy in any environment to grow and develop normally. I'd carry on looking for a new school, but let the new school know what is going on, and why you want to move your children.

Kerri, I think that you should contact the school Governors as Lindy Lou has suggested.  They should be made aware of the situation and given the chance to sort things out.  If you move your children to another school, you could come across problems there too and then what do you do? Also, I know that your main concern is your own children but what about the children who are left in the school?  In my experience, Catholic Schools are generally very good at sorting out problems of the type you describe  (I am not a Catholic nor did my children go to Catholic schools!)

Yes the school has governors.  Unfortunately one of them is also unhappy about the school and is on a waiting list for another school!!  Several parents have already approached the school but unfortunately most of the problems seem to rest with the headmistress.

The school was an extremely good school in the area a few years ago but then the current HM came in and has just ridden/relied on the success of previous years without actually keeping up the good work herself.  The fact that it took one parent to threaten to take her children from the school with a big fuss by talking to the LEA and reporting the school before anything was done alarms me a little.

The girls do seem happy with the school - well their friends anyway - and generally seem settled but there have been a few incidents where I question their policy on bullying/teaching etc.  Luckily my daughter seems to have forgotten what happened, (she was pushed over several times and called some really nasty names - and some words that I wouldn't even use - by the boy over a few day period) but it was enough for her to say she didn't want to go to school anymore and was extremely quiet and cried at the slightest thing.  Luckily (and hopefully) I have taught them that they can come to me and talk about anything they want - even if they think it insignificant, so I found out pretty early on what was going on.  Thinking back I remember that I went in and explained that a boy was doing this but I never said who and they knew straight away what/who I was on about - but obviously hadn't done anything at the time!!

I have some school prospectus (sp) being sent to me so will have the school hols to look through them.

It has made me really upset now especially as my children are my life and we may not have our own house or money to splash out all the time but they will always come first as they are only young for a short time and I just want them to have a good start in life .........
x

I had an unpleasant incident to deal with at my sons school. The school did not resolve it to my satisfaction so I moved him. Bit further away but small village school - more traditional. I haven't looked back.

Unfortunately it is the frying pan or the fire around here when it comes to secondary schools, better choice in Primary, but the kid of thing you describe is more a symptom of society than the schools sadly.

At least the year is coming to an end, your child will be coming out of reception class. You have to look at how happy the children are and whether they are 'coming on'. To think of moving them is a really serious action in terms of disrupting them, is it worth being a pushy parent and try to be there almost daily to see teachers etc...? They will know you and your children well and maybe realise you wont go away....I have one left at R.C primary and these problems do crop up but we are losing our fantastic head at the nd of the year, and dont know who will replace her!
Karen

How did you manage to get them into an RC school as a matter of interest? We are Catholics and had to prove that both children had been baptized Catholic before them being allowed in

I have no idea why people choose to send their children to Catholic schools when they don't follow the faith ...*baffled* (not knocking you by the way ...just don't understand)

As to the children, be assured that moving schools does children very little damage ..speaking as an RAF child who moved schools every 2 years until the age of 13 :D My own children moved schools when we shifted from Hayes to Lincolnshire without any problems :)

Usually Catholic schools will take non-Catholic children if they have places left after they've taken Catholic applicants.  My primary school was like this.  What really got up my nose was that the Catholic secondary school I went to was also one of the few state grammar schools left in the late 80s: entry was hence very competitive and  I later found out that some of my classmates' parents had actually converted to Catholicism just so that their kids would stand a chance of getting into the school  

Funnily enough, just been chatting to my neighbour (none Catholic) who says her oldest son starts at the local RC infants in September ;)

Pssst ...we have Grammar schools here still :D :D None denominational ones

Interesting article in today's Guardian on this subject as coincidence would have it.
http://education.guardian.co.uk/faithschools/story/0,,1820138,00.html
I'm sure this sort of thing will become even more widespread, and competition for church schools even more intense as the standards of the state education system plummet yet further in the coming years.

we have non-demoninational grammar schools here too, and very successful and popular they are. The sooner the 'powers that be' realise that the 'one size fits all' principle of education simply doesn't work, and children are sent to the school which is most suited to their abilities, the better off they'll all be.

Yep. My children moved schools with their dad being in the army and it didn't bother them at all. When I moved Zack he settled in straightaway!

kerrib I know how you feel, went through this with both my kids :(

A long story short lol

I went through alot of school with my kids, due to them being bullied and picked on by teachers. My son was moved to a school in the rich area so to speak and the teachers are lovely there :) My daughter they would not let me move her said she was running away from her problems after a year going onto the second year of the same crap we got the school board involved, first I called my sons school and asked if I could transfer my daughter there because she is being bullied and I had enough --- She got the ball running. I Threatened to take it to the news since bullying is not tolerated here at all and well I was yelling at the school board person and asking him how he would feel if I was beating him up ect ect I said u wouldn't want to come either now would you. He went as far as saying my daughter would not fit in ect ect and well we got her in to the same school as my son. My son was taxied everyday and I was told even though my daughter would be taking the same cab we would have to pay -- well have not paid a cent I think because he realized he couldn't charge us because she was being bullied. She loves it and neither are bullied, they have plenty of friends and actually look foreward to going to school. My daughter was put into a grade 7/8 split class and since there were only 4 grade 8's in her class she made friends more so with the grade 7's. She asked to stay and redue grade 8 which is totally fine with me since she is not ready for grade 9. The principle is more then happy because she feels this will help her with her self esteem and her school work because she has improved so much over the short time she has been there, she's come more out of her shell and actually shines alot more -- Still has an attitude though don't think that will ever change, and I too have seen a great difference in her... All the schools were catholic but we sure went through a sh** load of crap before all of this.... I was talking about it awhile back on here since I was at a great loss on what to do and just glad its over know. It does effect their self esteem, their school work and their every day life.

2 of the schools were community schools and I swear to this day I will never put my kids into another one, I had nothing but problems :( The education lacks big time.... !st school my daughter was in a community was picked on, 2nd school both kids went to she was picked on by teachers -  he was picked on by other kids and teachers didn't believe him so he challenged auhtorities and they moved him to a school for troubled kids  grrrr then he just turned awful cause the only way he got respect from them kids is if he acted like them so he was real bad. We moved house and also moved school another community school and well daughter was picked on to no end,  son after 2 weeks said I couldn't just pull him out of that so called trouble school and they put him back in and things got worse. School board decided to give fresh start and put him in the richy type school and wow what a change, finally daughter there now.

Hang in there and do what you feel is right, if it means getting the media, news ect involved then thats what you have to do because no one should be bullied... I was worried that I would have come home one day and that would have been the last day I would have seen my daughter, I told them I did not want her to become another statistic (sp) and thats when she would hit the news and this will get looked into, Don't think so!

Best of luck :) I know its hard and I feel for you and what your children are going through.

Just a couple of months ago I think they passed a bill for no bullying :) hurray

Perhaps it has more to do with the standard of education and reputation of a school than the denomination?  We're RC and my daughter's all girl RC High School had in the region of 40% Muslim intake - my understanding from chatting to daughter's friends and some of their parents was the reason being the school had such a high profile of achievers and was also more attractive to Muslim families because it was girls only :)

regards, Teri

  

Oh I disagree :) I think that a  moral understanding and firm belief based system is what gives the pupils the groundwork for achievement in a lot of cases...which in turn makes them popular .... Same goes for the strict C of E schools.

So the RC school with around 40% Muslim intake would be due to

Acording to my Catholic and Co E schools (son went to both) people of other faiths like the faith/moral based ethos of a church school over a standard state school.  Also as I understand it church schools enjoy more autonomy and the Governors have more power over how the school is run.

Muslims are also usually very strong in their faith Teri ;) It is based on respect and love just as Christianity is...so the same thing applies

I agree - but as they are not RC nor do they follow that faith there must be some other reason for the high proportion of Muslim parents wishing their daughters to attend - which was my point in the first place :)

2 of the schools my children went to were perdomintaly native (I'm not prejiduce at all, one of our best friends is) and well my daughter was picked on because she was white - they even said it to her I told the school prejiduce can run both ways The community schools here have lunch programs because half the time the kids never got fed at home so they put alot into that more so then the education, half the time the kids would leave at rescess or not even come to school. My daughter got picked on for her clothes - name brands and she stopped wearing them because they got stollen ect ect. Where we use to live in the hood the kids were as young as grade 8 doing tricks, you would even see them out with their mothers just sad all the way around :(

>native

I thought WE were the natives? Very offensive term used in that context IMHO 

Dollface lives in Canada

Native? As you live in Canada, anybody born in Canada would be a 'native' - including your own children. ;)

We are native to Canada but we are not considered native :)

Actually what my children were taught and have taught me Aboriginal is more respectful, my daughter just gave me heck cause she said NOT native mom Aboriginal :) appologies :)

I agree, changing schools is as big a deal as the parents make it. As an army child, I changed schools at least every 2 years, sometimes more often.

I understand completely and I am certainly no expert on the matter, but I believe the government have this new piffle, paffle, rubbish called Inclusion, which is especially made for children with behavioural problems and makes it extremely hard for schools to exclude badly behaved children.

So even though as parents we feel that bullies should be cast out, expelled, suspended and seperated at playtimes from our children schools hands are very tied.

Personally you will have the same problems in all schools, the headmaster/mistress can only do so much, the majority of what they can do is to constantly contact the bullies parents and recommend sending the children to school councillors, and compile files on the said child.  So although we all are blaming the schools, the headteachers, the teachers, it is the government that are enforcing these rules.

Continue to complain, continue to fight for your children but sending them to a different school is nothing more than a chance, in hoping there is not a similar child/children there as the same scenarios will be in effect in all schools.

We use the word native here, instead of Indian. I wouldn't want to be called a honky lol out of respect. My children are taught no matter your race, color or what have you we are all people and should be treated as such, neither are better then the other or make you any less of a human ---  we are all the same :)

With this school she was outcasted because she was white and she did have a couple of friends but they too started to get picked on because they were her friends - so they in return so they would not get picked on started to pick on her They had a native councelor come in to talk with these children and they would stop for maybe a week or two and that was about it. They even wrote notes and asked her to meet them in the core area (now thats 3-6 kids on one come on) so they could beat her up. She was told if she told anyone or showed any one they would kill her! She did show the teachers but nothing really happened and she also stopped tattling because it made things worse. They pushed her down in the hallway and spit on her and she got up to leave and they pushed her again and grabbed her hair, this time she fought back and she got in trouble. I said I was proud of her because she is not a punching bag and the more she allowed them to push her around the more they would. Now this is like 5 girls on just her and she got in trouble, I said I give full right for my child to defend herself and she should not be punished because of it. They got in school suspension and well since they couldn't expel them and make all these kids move school we got the ball rolling and got her out of there.... If they just maybe expelled the child that started everything since the rest followed I think things would have been different, because when she moved school for maybe a month things were fine till she came back again thats when her friends picked on her.... Yes in some cases it may just be removing the trouble maker may make a huge difference.... Alot should be looked at home as well, look at how they are raised cause alot comes from there on how the child behaves.....

Appologies more respectful is Aboriginals sorry I should have used that word since the other 2 are rude :(

Aboriginals are native Australians to us :)

>Aboriginals are native Australians to us<

Thats what i've always thought too But then i asked my walking encyclopedia hubby,and he reckons the term aborigine/al means anyone of colour native to a country,like indians in Canada,aboriginals in Australia etc

This is what my arcaic dictionary says: Aborigine-Any of the first known inhabitants of a region.

Yup, that is the dictionary definition but in the UK we only call native Australians Aborigines.

How terrible, your poor daughter, my post above will probably make no sense to you in Canada and Inclusion may not exist over there, but I just wanted to say, I applaud you for teaching your daughter to fight back, I know it is not the done thing, and we are taught not to, but unfortunately turning the other cheek (with children especially) and reporting to adults is seen as weakness and does not stop bullying. I have always taught my boys if someone hits you, hit them back, never to instigate but always to stand up for themselves, as schools can not protect children as well due to the Inclusion rule.

My boys and one is autistic, have never been picked on because of my backing in this and are confident and not afraid to stand up for themselves.  But I have to admit they have always gone to good schools where there is not much trouble if any.

I truly feel for those children being bullied, it truly does scare their lives.

You could write to the Ofsted inspectors expressing your concerns. They may bring the inspection of the school forward. You could also complain to the Education authority and Her Majesty's inspectors. It sounds like you have weak leadership at the school.

It sounds like you have weak leadership at the school

That seems to be the general thinking about the HM.  I spoke with a mum this afternoon who is one of the govs and she has said that there is a review under way of some of the school policies etc and a reorg of some of the staff planned following the ofsted inspection this year (it wasn't a particularly good one - wasn't bad but most of the areas had slipped from the previous one)

In answer to a previous poster re sending them to a RC school when we are not catholics.  OH is C of E, although I have never been baptised etc nor have the children.  My parents are C of S but my dad is completely against any form of religion so my upbringing resulted in only attending church for one wedding and 2 funerals.  RE at school didn't result in alot either and my OH and I felt that the girls and eventually our son as well would be in a better position to decide their own religion when they were old enough and would have our backing whatever they decided. 

The RC school is our local school as well and their policy is at least 10% of each intake to be non-catholic.  The preschool attached to the school is non-dom which all our children have attended with 90% of the preschools intake going to the RC school so did obviously most of their friends (with the twins I think only 2 children from their class never went to the preschool beforehand).

I do hope all gets sorted out for you and your children, best of luck :)

To the OP...a really good place to contact is kidscape. They are online, and have telephone advisors who are really good and supportive. You need a copy of the schools anti bully and behavioural policies, which they have to give you. if you wish, you can request a copy of your childs complete school record, which you apply for in writing and they have have to comply with even if you are charged for the cost of copying. This may make interesting reading, because you may find that what they have written about you and your child may not be as you remember it....

To complain about the school this needs to be in writing. Send a letter to the Head teacher, by recorded delivery, and another to the Chair of Goveners again by recorded post (this goes to the school and is passed on) outlining in both letters what has been happening. You need to keep a diary of everything that happens at the school, noting both what letters you send and what your child tells you, noting any injuries which should be seen and recorded by your GP. If you have any telephone conversations note then, if any action is required do it by letter refering to the phone conversation. Putting it in writing makes it official, and no one can dispute at a later date what has been said like they can with verbal interactions. The complaint will be heard and dealt with at a later date. Should you not be happy with the decision you can then complain to the LEA and they can investigate the school. Until you have done the first steps the LEA will not be able to become involved (in my area anyway, I think its the same everywhere).

If you feel a school move is the best way forward, do it. If you can't get into the school of choice, then appeal. get your GP involved, he/she can vouch for your childs mental health and that a move is the best way forward. There is bullying in all schools, its the way the school deal with it that makes the difference. Just because your child had problems caused by other pupils this does not mean the same will happen at a different school. I have experienced bullying problems with my child, so if you want to pm me please do. Just don't give up, don't allow the school to make this problem the fault of your child, they may try this but dont stand for it. Believe your child. Please have a look at Kidscape, it really is an excellent site.

Take care :)