I have had the bad luck of attending 2 funerals last week for close members of my family, must admit I have been lucky so far managed to get to 25 with both sets of grandparents!  As you do me & the OH have had the discussion about what we'd like when it comes to the time & I said I'd prefer just one spray of flowers & donations to a charity as I did notice that a lot of the flowers, as beautiful as they are, when there is a cremation are left to die which seems such a waste & was wondering what everyone else thought?  Morbid topic I know, I'm just interested.....

We too have been unlucky enough to go to 2 funerals as well. We gave a donation so the families could give to a charity of there choice!
as you said sooo many flowers just piled up after funerals, what a waste!
Alyson x

I would definatly want donations. Maybe flowers from OH or my kids, a small bunch, nothing huge and expensive. I also don't want people to be dressed in black, I would want it to be a celebration of my life, even though I realise its very emotive and the kids and OH (if he outlives me) will be devestated. I think donations are far better than the money spent on flowers, but the family usually indicate what they want?

I've also said to my parents if anything happened to me I wouldn't want people in black.  Don't think that they are happy about it, especially as I've said that if I ever get married I don't want to get married in a church, even though I like the vows etc in church I am not a religious person and don't feel right about getting married in a church.  

They are not happy with either, but that's what I would want.

Always said tht I wd. get married at Leeds Champ Show at Harewood house so that I could rush straight in the ring in my wedding dress :d :d

LOL..........love to see that......please let me know if you do get married :D They always said about me that if I got married I'd be wearing my wellies under my dress.....and my wonderful friend just had to check :D

Oh woe betide my nearest and dearest if there isnt a major melodrama for my Funeral!! I want Elton John proportions of flowers!!!!!!!!! (but no flowers in the shape of my name) Just ooodles of Lillies and snow drops and white roses!!! strewn throught the streets of Surrey!! cant get the church gate open for all the flowers!! and my bestfriend has already solemnly sworn that he will throw himself on the casket and scream "no!!no!! take me instead!' ( he is of the Flambouyance/ melodramatics of Elton John too ;) )
   I never take life tooo seriously..dont intead to start on my death ;)

LOL!! Love it!

I want a purple velvet coffin, pulled to the church by 2 black Friesan horses with plumes. I want "By My Side" by INXS played on my entry into the crem and "I want to break free" by Queen on the way out :D I'd like flowers from my nearest and dearest and donations to my favourite horse sanctuaries.

And on my gravestone (and I will be donating ALL my organs so there is no fear of being buried alive ) I want:

She drank good ale,
good whisky and wine
And lived to the age of 99 (or 49 LOL)

:D

or even: See, I told you I was SICK!

:D ROFL!! :D

(or...I knew I shouldnt have had that last wafer theeen mint!! Kabooom!)

I was looking at funny epitaphs recently - another one was: He lived. He died. By Suicide.

LOL :D

I would want donations being split between the breed rescues of the dogs I have owned and shown :) and cancer research :)

I don't like flowers that much anyway so why give them to me when I'm dead.

I know the compasionate and humble thing to do is say that you want donations, but I can't help it, every funeral I have been to where instructions have been left to leave a charitable donation and not flowers have left me feeling upset, I want to give flowers as a parting gift from me to someone I cared about, it makes me feel better, giving a donation to a load of strangers means nothing to me, I know it is to show the hospice or chosen charity a thankyou from the recently deceased, but from my point of view I don't like it.

Before anyone thinks me mean spirited I do give to a lot of charities all the time, I just personally want to send off loved ones and friends my way, and don't like being told where to put my money and farewell thoughts.

When my time comes, I want lots of flowers so that I feel loved. :-) And if I want to thank a hospice or charity I will do so with my own money.

When my mum died, my dad had it put in her obituary sp? flowers or donation he wanted to give people the choice.  My mum received 178 floral tributes, now it was comforting to know so many people cared about mum.  That is an awful amount of money spent on flowers though that could have been donated to her chosen charity (cancer research).  Some people sent both others either or.  I know the trouble and time it took me to find a floral tribute for my mum.  I ended up getting 1 single long stemmed red rose because it was the only thing I felt appropriate.  I got slated for this by some family members who said I was being tight, but to me it was the most fitting tribute and had the most sentiment.  I personally would want family flowers and donation to my chosen charities. 

I know its a morbid subject but the other thing I would like to add is to have it written in to your will tell loved ones etc what type of service you would like .  I had to go to a very dear friends funeral who had not done anything like this (she told me and other friends what she wanted) but not her husband family will etc and the service was awful it was so heartbreaking.

id probably give people the choice to either give a donation or flowers . Like you say sometimes you do want to give that person flowers I think it can help people feel a little better on the actual day.

HI

when my step dad died my mum said only family flowers.  I wanted to send a small arrangement from me hubby and kids but my sister and step brother and sister wanted a huge DAD made out of flowers. I hate these and know he would of to I had to go along with it and pay I think it was about £80 towards my share. I dont begrudge him the money but it did upset me as I felt I was forced into it and would rather have given the money to the cancer charity he wanted.

My mum wanted a arrangment with red and white flowers like they had at there wedding and the florist had a few left over when it was finished so she made a little bone out of them as he loved his dog. That simple little freebee was the most talked about and had the most reaction than any of the others.

I have to admit I do hate being asked for a donation as i never know how much to give and would hate to cause offence by not giveing enough. I would much rather give a singe flower as some one already said a single rose is lovely and to me speaks volumes. I said I dont want anything flash and I will come back and haunt anyone who does the name in flowers carry on. A lovely bunch of daffodiles will be enough as they are my fav flower. That was until someone pointed out I would have to die in spring to get them

Wendy

I hate those floral arrangements that spell out names too. I'm so sorry you were coerced into joining in, and I can understand how much pressure you were under not to make a scene and rock the boat - the run-up to a funeral is a very tense and emotional time. For the sake of family unity I think you did the right thing, but I appreciate how much you resent it. :( (I've threatened my family with longterm haunting as well if they dare to organise one of the monstrosities when they wave me off!)

I've attended many funerals and I've always thought that floral tributes have provided a lot of comfort for the bereaved.  Particularly after cremations when people can mingle together outside, looking at the flowers and reading the messages - it provides an important focus as well as a gentle ending to the proceedings.

My husbands aunt died recently, before she died she requested that if people wanted to bring flowers, they must be sprays only - no wreaths, then after the funeral for them to be taken to either the local hospital or old peoples home.

I completely agree with the comment about after cremations, both the funerals I attended recently were cremations & it was nice to look at the flowers after the service, esp with the 2nd funeral as it was held at the same place & the flowers from my grandad's funeral were still there.  I'm not a big fan of the name in flowers thing, although there were lots of them around, we had a cricket bat made out of chrysthanamums for my grandad as he used to be an umpire which I thought was a bit more meaningful than a traditional spray etc...

At my grandads funeral, all the grandchildren clubbed together to get flowers made into the shape of an anchor as he was a fisherman and was also part of the RNLI lifeboat crew for 44 years.  The lifeboat crew even did a tribute with guard of honour as we came out of the church which my grandad would have loved.  At the time I only had 3 children and as these were his only great grandchildren, I bought 3 single red roses which I tied together with his RNLI tie and my grannie said was such a simple touch that she only wanted them on his coffin during the service and hers to be on the floor.  All the funerals I have been to, it has been family flowers only with donations to charity, ie RNLI or cancer charity.  I want this too with donations to Breast Cancer, my OH wants his to go to RNLI.

Hi,
Donation to the cause that they  died of, help the research.

I'm trying to sort out arrangements for my funeral now - I know it sounds morbid, but if people know what I want, then there isn't that sort of worry for anyone left behind - I've been to a couple of funerals that were so over the top - one person would have loved it, the other certainly wouldn't.     I certainly don't want loads of wreaths - to have one saying MUM or WIFE would give me the heebie-jeebies - I'd rather just have a bunch of flowers from the grandchildren - and anyone who wants to remember me can plant a plant/tree somewhere & call it Margot's plant.

I think I shall state quite categorically that if I get any wreaths, I shall make sure that I come back & haunt the donar!

Margot

When my sister died we decided on family flowers only.  We requested donations to the Royal Marsden in Fulham from other people if they wanted.  She was only 39 when she died of breast cancer and over 250/300 people came to her funeral and I believe Royal Marsden received lots of money.    The family flowers were sent to the local hospital after her cremation.

As some of you may remember, my Mum died last month.  Despite us (Me, sister and Mum) saying over the years that we thought it was a waste of flowers at a funeral, when the time came, my sister and myself found tremendous comfort in the amount of flowers Mum received and the thoughts on the cards with them.  To us it showed how many people thought alot of our Mum in a way nothing else did. One group of friends had a huge dog made in flowers.

Other people donated to charity, and although we obviously appreciated that too (and recognise it did more good for others), the flowers were very important to us. I love flowers and want loads at my funeral (although I will probably tell my children not to spend their money on me :) ).

We were lucky in that my sister and I both agreed on the flowers we wanted ourselves - Mums favourite red roses the length of the coffin, and a 'kiss' from all of us.  We did also go in for the 'NAN' and 'MUM', although we didn't have the traditional type for "MUM" we had a much more natural looking type with no ribbon but with leaves, mixed flowers, etc - very tasteful.  Our six children between them wanted the 'NAN'.  We agreed that we would do whatever made us (as individuals) happy, but luckily what we wanted was the same for all of us.

In addition, when we went to see Mum at the Chapel of rest, we all took a single red rose and laid it in the coffin with her.

When it comes to my funeral, I now realise that it is better not to stipulate what you want beforehand (unless you have something you particularly want done) as we took great comfort in arranging the funeral.  Choosing the music (Mum's favourite 'I believe' by Boyzone going in and 'Wind beneath your wings' by Bette Midler because that put into words everything we wanted to say/felt for Mum).  Took us a whole morning of tears to choose it, but it was still nice.

We also gave Mum a traditional send off - she always said how all funerals when she was young had horses and that was a funeral to her, so we had the two black horses with plumes - and what a fantastic hurse!  We even had a VERY personal service - everyone commented on how lovely it was.  All in all we can look back on that day with comfort, knowing we gave our darling Mum the best send off we could.

Sorry to have gone on a bit :)

Fiona

I have had to go to three funerals in the last year all of which were family. I was the same as you got to 26 without losing anyone and then it seems to all happen at once. The last one was a cremation and i know all the flowers went to a local hospital for patients who don't get any visitors so it wasn't such a waste.

Having thought about this more , when were gone it realy wont matter to us what happens if you want to write something in huge writing on mine I dont care. My spirit will know that the person who bought of it /thought of it ment well ;)  so id just say to everyone do as you feel what ever is going to make you feel happy and more comfortable , I know most of the funerals ive been to people have given flowers and a donation to a chairty .
Ive been to a funeral which was sooo lovely a  glass carrage carried the coffin and 4 black horses with feathers on there heads it was just beautiful and pipers piping along the way and everyone said that was a lovely ending to have something that will really stick in peoples memories .

My spirit will know that the person who bought of it /thought of it ment well

That's my thinking too and so I never buy flowers at funerals.  Cut flowers are just going to die like the person! :(  I buy a tree for the garden or a rose in a pot and give it to the partner left behind, so that it will keep growing and be a living reminder of the person who's gone. :)