Hi

I dont know if any of you remenber me. I used to come on last year and talk about woody our young brown lab.

I dont really know how to put this, or Even If im in the right place.

But 8 weeks ago my husband chris died. he was 42, and we have a little boy morgan who is nearly 6.

Since chris died. I literally have no energy for woody. I take him for his walks and feed him. but that is it. I have nothing left for him, not a pat, stroke, word.

I rely on morgan to give him the attention he needs. which i know is wrong. I feel so guilty over woody, but I just cant give him anything.

I dont want to get rid of him. In fact i wont. So please dont suggest that.

Alix

:( so sorry about your husband.
Don't feel guilty over woody, no one is going to suggest you get rid of him, you need time to grieve and to keep going for the sake of your little boy. And I'm sure they both love you very much.

<<<<hugs >>>>>>> to you, morgan and woody

Dee

Yes, I remember you :)

I'm so very sorry to hear of your husband's death at such a young age. You must still be in a very sad place and it will take many many months to feel anything like "normal" ... perhaps Woody could help you if you both go out for walks and so on. Action and exercise is supposed to be very helpful for deep sadness :)

Best wishes
Lindsay
x

Hello Alix

Firstly, I would like to tell you how sad I am to hear about your loss. I can't begin to understand your grief.

You are being too hard on yourself, it's all so recent - you must be exhausted. The fact that you are showing such concern for Woody proves that you do need him, and he needs you. Give yourself time. I'm sure that he senses your sadness and he'll wait for you.
Can you get somebody to take him on the occasional walk for you ?. It might make it seem less of a chore when you take him, you'd look forward to the excercise, the fresh air and being with him.
Give him a cuddle, although without it he still knows you love him, with it you'll be comforting eachother.

Thinking of you.
Val

Alix

I'm so sorry to hear about your husband.

These are still such early days for you and your son and you mustn't worry about neglecting your dog.  You are taking care of the practical needs and your son is taking care of the emotional ones.  All your emotional energy is being taken up by your grieving and caring for your son.  As this process moves on, as it surely will, you will start to feel differently and start to enjoy the dog again, even if it only to see the joy and companionship that he brings to your son.

X

Hi Alix, I'm so very sorry for your loss.  You must be devastated and I can't imagine how you're coping at all.

Don't concern yourself over Woody just now - I'm sure he's fine as long as his basic needs are being met.  You have a mountain to climb before you can expect to adjust to this enormous loss in your life and feelings of guilt will only make things more difficult for you.

I'm sure in time you will be glad of Woody and find taking him for a long walk an escape from the pressures you must be under - but it will take time.  You'll probably find that eventually having him around and needing to care for him gives you a little normality in life.  We're all different and none of us can second guess how we would cope in your situation but you'll find your way ;)  I'm sure Morgan is glad of his company right now - Woody is probably "someone" to tell his troubles to when he doesn't want to worry you.

God bless you both, you're in my prayers.
Teri xxx

   

Hi Alix, I am so sorry to hear about your OH

I can't even begin to imagine how your feeling

But i just wanted to send you lots of big {{{HUGS}}}

God Bless you xx

Alix, I'm so very sorry to hear of your tragic loss. Please don't think anyone's going to suggest you rehome Woody. Between you and your son his needs are being met; he's also helping you both although you probably don't realise it at the moment. Morgan has an outlet for emotions which he could feel might upset you; you have another reason to get out of the house, keeping to a routine, which is important in bereavement.

You're not doing anything wrong, so please don't add guilt to your burden. Time will change things and get them closer to 'normal', but it can't be rushed. You're in an impossibly hard place at the moment, but please be assured this awful numbness won't last forever.

Be kind to yourself, and your poor son. You'll be in my prayers.

Yes I also remember you Alix,

I am so sorry you have lost your husband, and at such a young age, it just doesnt seem fair...

I too, lost my husband nearly 20 years ago, when I was only 29 with 2 young children to care for....and 3 Labradors. Grieving is a strange process and affects us all very differently....dont feel guilty about Woody, sometimes just getting through each day is difficult...It also gives Morgan a focus, children are more inclined to tell a dog their innermost thoughts and secrets...I found my two girls, cuddling the dogs and crying telling them all sorts of things they felt they couldnt burden me with...and to begin with I actually resented the dogs for this....

It is quite difficult to remember now, but like you, I found it very difficult to cope with anything other than what was absolutely neccessary but somewhere along the line, life slowly began to return to normal and strange as it may seem, I actually began talking to the dogs...I was very angry, and they gave me an outlet to vent...but it did take many months before I could feel that my dogs were part of my everyday life and they needed me too....

It is a gradual process, dont punish yourself or try to question yourself...allow yourself time...Nothing will be the same....But I promise you, it will get better

Big {{{{{hugs}}}}} to you and Morgan

God Bless

Kay

Hi Alix,

So very sorry to hear about your husband. Don't be too hard on yourself, grief affects us all in different ways, giving attention to your dog is not a priority to you at the moment and I dare say you are feeling devoid of many emotions right now. As long as you are still caring for him with regards to food and water and walking and he is getting attention from your son that is all you can do at the moment.

He will be able to pick up on your sadness and either stay away or try to be near you to cheer you up, look upon him as a friend, a friend that you can sit and talk to if you need to unburden your feelings, make him your confidant.  When the veil of sadness lifts things will look different, just don't rush it, let everything come at it's own pace.

I'm glad that you have Morgan to focus on and Woody will force you to go out and get fresh air and walk,  if some days you do not feel like going out ask a neighbour or friend if they can walk Woody, grief does drain the body, let your emotions out, eventually you will physically feel more like your old self.

Hi

Thank you for all your reply's. Kayc 3 labs. I was beginning to think coping with 1 was bad enough. I was out walking with him in the fields last week. We had bumped into one of woody's pals. When his owner out of the blue offered me another lab. It was 12 months old, and his owner couldnt cope. I think I nearly ripped his head. Telling him, it was taking all i had just seeing to woody never mind another. The horrible thing is me and chris where actually starting to look for another lab. When woody turns 2 in september. We thought that after next xmas, it would have been a good time with woody just over 2. But that aint gonna happen now. cause I may have to get a dog walker in if i have to go back to work full time. unless I want to spend the rest of morgan's childhood, completely skint.

Morgan does love woody to bits, and its funny, cause Im trying to as open and honest to morgan as I can be, without being overburdening. Morgan doesnt really talk, let alone cry, so I try and talk too him for both of us. like I really miss his dad,  I bet his dad is missing him stuff like that. Just to try and get morgan to open up a bit. (I'll call morgan mogs if that is ok) It is what everyone calls him). But then Ill be out of the room, go back in and i can hear our mogs, literally having the same conversation with woody, that I have had with him. He's asking woody if he misses his dad, has he spoke to him today. (in his head) stuff like that.

Woody is picking up on my sadness. That bloody stupid labrador sad look. is even more pathetic  now.

Chris died at home. He'd only been home from work an hour. Luckily for me and chris Our mogs, had gone to a neigbours house about 15 mins after chris got home to play with their boys. When chris went upstairs and collapsed, While i was doing cpr on him, woody came flying upstairs and started licking chris all over. He wouldnt go away, I had to literally pick him up and shove him downstairs. So he definetly knew something was wrong.

That dog of ours aint bloody stupid. He is very protective of me and morgan now. If any stranger comes near when we are out now. He is barking his head off at them. He did this a bit before. But now it is all the time.

Alix

Poor Alix, life is hell for you right now, isn't it? Please be assured that it won't be as bad as this for ever. {{{{{hug}}}}}

im sorry to hear about your husband. As for your dog do you have dog walkers in your local area erhaps they could take your dog to the park until you are feeling better but also your dog would notice him missing to and probably is grieving to so it may not be bothering him that you arnt entertaining him so much maybe he would be satisfied with just some cuddles for a while until you are feeling better

I cant say anything that will make you feel better, but ive just read this thread and it has brought tears to my eyes. I am so sorry for you and all i can offer you is my thoughts and i hope the future gets brighter for you xxxx

Alix - re your comment:

> Morgan does love woody to bits, and its funny, cause Im trying to as open and honest to morgan as I can be, without being overburdening. Morgan doesnt really talk, let alone cry, so I try and talk too him for both of us. like I really miss his dad,  I bet his dad is missing him stuff like that. Just to try and get morgan to open up a bit. (I'll call morgan mogs if that is ok) It is what everyone calls him). But then Ill be out of the room, go back in and i can hear our mogs, literally having the same conversation with woody, that I have had with him. He's asking woody if he misses his dad, has he spoke to him today. (in his head) stuff like that.

My dad died when I was young (just 12) and I couldn't have talked to my Mum about it either.  From my experiance he is at an age where he finds it difficult to talk to people especially about how he is feeling, he almost certainly will not want to breakdown in front of someone most of all you who he probably feels has been put through enough.  He will eventually grow out of this and feel more able to talk about it, but this may take a long time.  I have really only talked about my Dad to my wife and that was 7 or 8 years later.  He probably sees woody as a safe sounding board, and if he does breakdown it's only Woody there to see it and Woody won't try and comfort him etc etc and make him feel worse. 

I would give him the space to grieve and not worry too much if he doesn't want to talk. Just give him the opportunity to talk if he wants to.  It sounds like you are doing very well in this respect.

And as others have said don't worry too much about Woody, he'll be ok and when you start to feel better (which you will) he'll be there for you.

Steve

I am so sorry to here of your loss.

Dont feel guilty, you have enough to deal with, with out feeling guilty too.  i am sure Woody understand, dogs are very sensetive.  Give yourself time.  I lost my dad to cancer Aug 2004, my mam and dad were seperated and I felt I could not really talk to my o/h, so my staffy Bandit was the one who I talked to and cryed on, he was always their for me when I needed a good cry. and i dont know how I would have gotten through those dark months without him. i feel you son is finding the same kind of comfort from Woody.

In the meantime try and get a dog walker to take woody out now and again until you have the strenth to take him yourself.

Sending you all a cyber hug.

Sheli
xxx