I was wondering on how you feel about using hamsters in satanic rituals? I have heard through the grape vine (another forum) that it is a common occurance in your household, how can you justify such gruesome goings on?

(before anyone starts this is a joke message so don't worry about the hamsters!)

TL, you need to have a look at the post about what we all look like (another question - I think).  I have already said that it is going well and I'm hoping that there might be a market for it soon.  Do you want to be the IoW representative?  I can let you have the franchise if you like.

;-) ;-) ;-)

Yes definately, that would be great. My set up costs would be cheaper for a start as I could use the live ones the cats bring in, the satanists wont mind if they are not 100% pure hamster. How do feel is best to market it?
Just seen your reply to original post. :-D

Keep going please PML

Glad you have seen the other post - I have only just sent it lol.

Hamsters, mice, rats, don't suppose it really matters!!  Try to make sure the cat doesn't mark them and then feed them well for a few days - I hear the hamster slayers like them fat!

You're right set up costs would be nominal - I have posted you an empty cardboard box as a start.  Don't forget to send me £10,000 tomorrow, will you?

I've put an advert in 'Hamster Rituals Magazine' and will do the same for next months 'Furry creature house', hopefully that will attract the right sort of clientele!

Thanks, do you accept cheques or would you prefer a bank transfer. wow you are really letting me in on this gold mine for as little as £10,000? You're a star Steph. And the magazine "your hamster and you" may be interested too, there is a complete section dedicated to satanic rituals I believe.

Thanks TL, a cheque will be fine but obviously I'll have to wait for it to clear before I send you the empty box.  I didn't know about 'Your hamster and you', thanks for that piece of info, I'll ring them tomorrow.

Don't forget that the white hamsters are the best but be careful that the fur isn't too long - it would be best if we could breed them hairless, what do you think?

I have found a supplier that makes hamster shackles, for holding the hamster still before the actual event (if you know what I mean - don't want to be too graphic).

;-) ;-) ;-)

I think it could be done, may take a few generations but with carefull gene poolimg we may be able to get them completely hairless. Leave it with me, I'll get that started as soon as the cats bring in 2 of the opposite sex.
I'll look forward to receiving the box, ooooh how exciting this is, we are going to make a fortune!!!
Would you like to borrow one of my cats? I can send her recorded delivery and she could be with you next day? Just an idea to bring in fresh genes.

Yeah send me one of the cats - get the postman to squash it throught the letterbox, it won't matter 'cos the dogs will open the parcel anyway - you know how they love to help.  I have two hamsters here already (a right breeding pair) and am now awaiting production of the first little ones.  You're right about the gene pool though, I'll have a go at waxing the offspring and hopefully the 'English Hairless hamster' will be in existence before we know it.

I look forward to doing business with you.

"English Hairless Hamster", do you think we could register it as a new breed? Does anyone else know anything about that?
Anyway I am so excited about this new business venture I am going to go out and hunt the furry little critters down myself.
Plus "fool around" is about to start and I like that program, really bitchy, well funny.
Speak soon business partner. :-)

Look foward to it.....

I shall report the pair of you! Along with Hamster abuse i am sure the RSPCA will be interested to learn about your poodle baiting, mole hunting and cat bottling sidelines! Those bonzai kittens tut tut. lol

No Tracy you can't! We are just setting up a business if you shut us down now we will lose all our outlay. The hamsters really don't mind, and as for the poodle baiting, can you prove it? No didn't think so. We are very secretive when we do that. The moles are very hard to catch so that isn't a problem anyway, the crowds were getting bored cos no moles were being caught and we were not making any money. Can we settle this with a payment or something? Francise of the hamster trade in your area?

Tracy,

As I know you are aware we stopped the cat bottling business earlier this year just after the explosion at the factory.  It is a sad state of affairs really, we are now very poor and are struggling to make ends meet.  The cheque for £10,000 has not been cashed yet but I have been approached by a television company who want us to take part in a new series called 'Ultimate Rodent Wrestling', it will involve hamsters as well as moles and any other rodents we can get our hands on.  It sounds very exciting.

So the shipment of degu's I am sending you via royal mail steph need to get to you asap???
Lea ;)

Defo on the Degus - how did you get them so fast!!   I tried to get them mail order but the company wouldn't sell them in bulk!

Do you think there might be a market for Degu Boxing then?

I have ways and means,
I know all the degu allies ;)
Nah the nude degu mud wrestling might catch on tho!!!!!!!!!
lea :)

Dunno about nude mud wrestling, what do you think about them wearing sparkly pink lycra bikinis? (even the boys) Don't want to go offending the kiddies do we. 

You are all nuts,LOL :D :D :D

I'm glad we're finally getting the recognition we deserve! ;-)

I have rabbits if you are interested, they breed like wild fire if you let em..... :D

I breed gremlins if your interested
I normally only sell them to the get rich quick puppy breeders how ever as
you seem to be  reliable caring person i can spare  few if your interested.
If you put them in a "bright light" they are evil little sods.

Wow I really think we are on the up Steph, what with Carolyn and Lea on board there is no stopping us, world domination of the rodent kind here we come!!!
The degus are great and will be very usefull, still don't know how you managed to get them so quick, maybe we don't want to know ;-) Anyway, the gremlins would bring a certain ferocious edge to it all and bring in the crowds who like a bit of spilt blood. Do they react to hallogen bulbs? My hubbie has got a few of those down the shed. Also do they still multiply with water? cos if they do a simple sprinkler system would be great.
The sparkling bikinis is already on the way to becoming reality, I have made a couple of prototypes that are currently being "tested" (on animals of cause) The first one kept gettting stuck in their opponants teeth, so i ditched the dangly bits and stuck to a more simpler pattern. I will send you some photos asap.
The tv company is definately worth considering, maybe a little too much too soon, but we can have a meeting about it.

Mason - yes please to the rabbits.  What sort of ears have they got, 'cos I'm looking into getting some protective hearwear for the animals.

Carolyn - defo to the gremlins. Do you know if you can keep them in the same cage at a pair of breeding Chinchillas - I'm just off to get some from the pet shop - really good quality too.

TL - thought we might have to rethink the bikini straps too.  What about an all in one lycra 'cat suit'(but not real cats 'cos they're too big and it wouldn't be fair)?   We could get them in a variety of colours.

I've phoned the TV company - they are prepared to wait to start production until we are ready, so that's good news isn't it?

What do you lot think about getting some chipmonks too?

Its ok steph, I am in the middle of breeding teacup cats that will be able to be used for the cat suits.
Theres 6 litters due today and another 10 tommorow. Will have to look up how many are due the day after. But should have a good stock for the cat suits by the end of next week :)
Whats the smallest size you need??
Lea ;)

Sorry Mason, didn't see your post on the rabbits. That would be great if you could keep breeding them for us, we will pay you a good price for the right rabbit.
The smallest size suit we need is for a vole I think but Steph will know more on that than me, best talk to the boss. If you could skin them all before they reach maturity as the pelt is softer.
As for the tv company that is briiliant news, at least we can get all the stock trained and suited up before we commit to anything. Good luck with the breedin guys and I'll speak to you all soon.

Lea, good to have some news on the 'cat suits'; I think the smallest we will need is vole sized or harvest mouse sized. Not really sure but will take some measurements later.  I hadn't realised that the teacup cats were so successful.  Could you possibly dye the cats before your skin them as I've heard the colour is purer.  I'm thinking of vibrant pink, yellow, dayglow green and royal blue.  You might have to use a colour stripper first to get the fur white.

I've had a phone call from GMTV about doing a promo but I've put them off for a bit as we're not quite ready yet.

Am taking Wilf to the woods later so if he catches any squirrels I'll put them in with the chipmonks.

Take care

The rabbits are Rex so have lovely straight ears (easier for fitting headgear) what colour would you like ? I have orange or black.  Let me know and I can get the bonking... I mean breeding program started ASAP. Velvet bunny fur would be great for costumes dont you think!!!!! :D

Mason

Fur trimmed cat suits sound delightful - what a fantastic idea.  Won't they smell delicious too.

Black would be favourite because it goes with everything.

If you glue the ears into a more wind resistant position that would be helpful or, failing that, have them cropped.

Cheers
Will be in touch soon.

Ok all the cats have been dunked in the die you have stipulated, and just putting into action the plan to get harvest mouse sized cats. Should have them in a few days.
Sorting out cats with long ears as well to overcome the rabbit situation.
Anything else you can think of ;)
Can get most things very quick :D We really are going to get rich quick out of this arnt we :D
And also think we should leave GMTV for a few weeks, at least until we get them all trained up and costumes sorted ;)
Lea :)
(who is hopeing the people reading this has realised it is a joke LOL)

OOh cats with long ears, lovely. what about tails. a cat with rabbit ears really needs to have a rabbit tail aswell just to keep it balanced,  dont you think??  Perhaps if I send you a few bunnies by express courior you could get started on a new spiecies. :D  ( nobody in their right mind could take this seriously, could they?) not that I am not deadly serious you understand

Ahh. Ok all good ideas. I can see that my haste to think about the welfare of the animals was hasty. Given the tremendous amounts of money involved I think I should join your consortium and accept the Midland franchise.
One thing you haven't considered is clearly "The Gerbil Factor". While I wholeheartedly agree with the prowess of the average hamster, and even applaud the agility of other rodent-type creatures that are similar, e.g the common guinea pig, I think as far as wrestling goes, the lesser spotted gerbil is dynamite in the ring! We can attribute this to its incredibly strong whip-like tail. Just like each of the ninja turtles have their weapon of choice...the gerbil can defeat even the trickiest of rodent quarry with its mighty tail. It is also small enough to run rings around even the fastest guinea pig, and quick witted enough to baffle even the cleverest squirrel (incidentally, it is an urban myth that squirrels are clever, they oven trip over their own fluffy tails as they chase them). In fact there is only one rodent that can defeat a gerbil in a genuine contest... the porcupine! But given their stubborn refusal to wear anything sparkly, I think we can rest assured that this opponent will never enter the ring.

:-D :-D :-D
See Tracy I knew we could win you round, you will be a valid member of the team and may I just say the gerbil thing is pure genious! Never thought about the gerbils, definately on a winner with that one. As for the midland franchise all you need to do is send Steph a cheque for £10000 and then she will send you your empty cardboard box to get you started. I am very pleased with mine, it came nice and quick and is very sturdy, not a cheap one.
You are so right about the porcupine, I had the same problem, they were having none of the sparkly outfits, so we had to forget them. You cannot have wrestlers without costumes, it is just not right.
The ring, we haven't sorted that out yet! My hubbie could make a wooden one as he is a chippie but i do feel they may feel the urge to "nibble" at it if it was made of wood, any other ideas?
Mason, keep the rabbits coming, they are great and are fiesty little critters when they have the cheer of an audience behind them , they really know how to work a crowd. And Lea, I received the first prototype catsuit today so I sent it straight to Steph who will see if it fits the voles, to me though it looks great and I just love the dayglow green witht the luminous pink.
Great work guys and keep it up.

Well done you lot - great idea about the gerbils Tracy.

Right, the costumes have arrived, thanks to all concerned.  They look really good on, but we need to do a couple of slight alterations for the harvest mice and the voles - they were chaffing a little around the wotsits area.  Some of them even had the cheek to complain that they were too tight.  The colours are fab though and the fur trim looks brilliant.

Steve said that when the ring is made he will fix up some lights so that the rodents can train 24 hours a day.  We need a website making, Tracy is your OH up fr doing that please.

I'm with you on bunny tails on the cats too, they do need to be correctly balanced.  We need to get the breeding sorted and decide on an overall name.

Tracy, thanks for the cheque, your empty box is in the post, you should get it tomorrow.
So we know only have the franchises for the north of england and all other countries available.  We ought to start advertising unless anyone here wants to take it on.

I've phoned GMTV and have put them off for a few weeks.

Speak soon

Cheque in the post for Scottish Franchise if its not taken already :D

Mason,

Glad to have you on board.  As soon as the cheque arrives I'll send you the empty box full of air.

Thats great :D Rabbit production has gone through the roof here, should be ready for shipping first thing in the morning.  Had to enlist a few wild bunnies from the fields  around here as I only have one buck and he was getting a bit tired if you know what Mean!!!  but the wild element has enhanced the over all behaviour.  All were screened for mixie before being used of course, also did the hip and eye tests just to be extra thorough. Has cost me an absolute mint, but only the best will do :D

I just made the cats run on a tread mill for 2 hours to check hips, and got them to read an eye chart to check eyes. More profit you see ;) ;)
Cats with rabbits tails will be ready soon, and the chaffing arund the bits will be sorted by breeding them with fur in the inside;)
Hope thats satisfactory, if not, let me know of the new plans and will put them into action asap
Lea ;)

Wow you guys this is going great. The wild rabbits must add a little extra ferociousness to the offspring which must be a bonus. The catsuit production is brilliant and as long as the chaffing is sorted then there are no more alterations needed I don't think.
I did have one small problem yesterday with the gerbils! One turned it into a fight to the death which was rather gruesome and totally uncalled for. The gerbil in question has been suspended for the time being and will only return to the ring on best behaviour. I can not see GMTV viewers being ammused watching that while eating their frosties in the morning. I hope I have it all under control now. Is it just the gerbils or are any of the other breeds taking this a bit too far?

So, has anybody given any thought to the venue for the first open to the paying public event? I thought NEC Birmingham would suit as its nice and central.  We should also start thinking about advetising, and shcedules for the events. Have now sorted my affix for breeding and have registered all the kits so they now have "proper" names, for example: Warrens Wee Beastie, Warrens bucked toothed Wizard. (LOL, Im not sure I can keep this up for much longer :D) Ooh, Forgot to say, received my box today, its sooo BIG, didnt expect it to be that big.  It was full of air like you said, funny thing though, it was hot air!!  dont know how you managed to do that, but I am impressed :D :D

"(LOL, Im not sure I can keep this up for much longer )" me to, but it is funny!

As for the venue I thought Earls Court, London. Very central then. Stephs boxes are great aren't they, mine was big and very sturdy, well worth the £10000.

I am in the middle of sorting out my affix, but having a few problems. All my first choices are already taken so I have the sneaky suspicion that someone else may be trying to cash in on it. "Wrestling Rodents" was taken unless that was by you Steph? So I think mine is going to be "Hellbent Rodent Wrestlers" fingers crossed.

Will it be a 'ticket' event? Can I pre book a few to beat the rush?

:D :D

Missie, yes it will be tickets only, I'll put your name down for front row seats but until we get the venue sorted we won't send anything in writing yet.  Hope that's OK.

Really pleased about the fur to stop the chaffing - fantastic idea.

Wild rabbit blood - brilliant, should give them a certain 'edge'.

Fighting to the death - a defo NO NO!

Venue - what about the Milennium Dome (or is parking still an issue), or NEC or Earls Court or de Montford or that place in Sheffield where they hold the snooker.

Advertising - anybody got any ideas except the magazines we have already mentioned.

You are all working really hard on this project.  Well done.

Steph
p.s Not sure if I can keep it up much longer either! ;-)

I AM SO SORRY EVERYONE! I have a confession to make, we were raided last night. Someone must have leaked the information. All the live stock was seized and they found my paperwork so I am afraid they will be round to your houses soon to seize whatever you have. All I can say is sorry and it is the end of what was to be a brilliant money making sceme. If you want to keep anything for personal use then I would hide it now! I don't know what else to say, I am distraught. They even took the costumes for analysing or something, they said it was very cruel and very wrong and we may be hearing from the law. Again, sorry and I will try my best to find out who leaked the information. Hope you are not too upset.xxx

Heading for the hills!!  Just putting tent in car and i'll be off!! See ya

Oh no :o
Anyone got a shed I sleep in?????????
Just trying to fl;ush all the evidence down the toilet, the the over large cats have got stuck in the U bend :( :(
Lea :)

:-D :-D :-D Sorry but it had to end ;-)

I've disposed of all the evidence this end too, I've sent all the livestock to a Mr B. Utcher, he promises to look after them all.;-)

I will return your cheques as soon as possible...

Urgh, just had a knock at the door, the Police, all my accounts have been frozen while they investigate, so I'll not be sending you your cheques back. 

See you all soon, when I get back from my round the world trip.

Byyyyyyyyeeeeeeeeeee!

Ive put the gremlins though the blender and the dogs have eaten the resulting goo.
I "think" I have one loose though as I keep hearing funny laughing sounds.