Hi everyone,

I know a bunch of you are adults with teenage kids. I'm 17 years old. Here's the story...

I have a really good guy friend who is 16 years old. He just got his first car about two months ago and also just got his first real job working at a burger drive-in in town. He works very, very hard and is an extremely honest young man. He works at this burger drive-in four to five times a week for usually eight hours at a time. He usually signs in at work around 2:00 PM and doesn't get back home until around 10:30-11:00 PM. This job is one that his parents were very excited for him to have.

This friend gets great grades at school, considering he is a 16 year old boy and loves spending time with his girlfriend. (Me. :)) He brings home an average of six "A"s and one "B" when report cards come out. And this is with his new job and everything. He turns in homework on time at school and is never in trouble with the teachers. In fact, he has only had one detention in his whole 12 years of school and that was only last year. He is actually very good friends with all of his teachers in school. You know, a silly joke here and there to make the teacher smile and laugh after he/she has had a tough class the hour before.

At home, my friend works honestly and does as he is told. His family bought a nice big swimming pool last summer and put it up again this summer. My friend is the only one who works and cleans this swimming pool, even though he hardly ever swims in it. He cleans the filter every morning and vaccuums the bottom of the pool twice a week. He makes sure the water is clean and not cloudy by putting the proper chemicals and shocks in it. He pretty much manages this swimming pool that he never uses all by himself.

He has also raised cows all of his life. He has sold them recently, but before the cows were sold, he took care of them by himself each morning and evening. He had three all together. He always made sure they had plenty of feed and water and heck, he even made sure he played with the young ones each day. He took pride in his young cows because they were just like dogs. They would run around the big field together, bouncing and chasing each other. Its a wonderful sight, I've seen them at it myself.

He owns his own dog, a two year old Siberian husky. He is sure to make sure his dog gets to run every day and makes sure he is fed twice a day every day. He takes very good care of his animals.

Around the house, he helps his mom and dad out by cleaning the living room and kitchen when it needs done. He tries his best to keep his room clean, but he doesn't get to spend very much time in there because he shares it with his 19 year old brother, who sleeps during the day as he works during the night hours.

Once a week, three hours are spent sitting on the lawn mower in the hot summer heat. My friend is also responsible for keeping the garden mowed and clean.

This young man, a 16 year old boy, sounds like the perfect teenager for a parent to have, right? Well, no doubt, he is. I'm proud to be a part of his life. I love him! He is honest, hard working, and is full of love and tries to make everyone he knows happy. He does a good job at keeping the world around him happy, except for two people. His parents.

His parents think he spends too much time away from home. They also believe he spends to much time with me. This is not true. He and I see each other maybe twice a week. We do talk on the phone every night, but that is no big deal. His parents get mad at him every day because he leaves for work in the afternoon and isn't back until late that evening. By then, everyone is sleeping. This is when he and I talk on the phone because we don't have to worry about anyone needing to use it.

Today, his mother and him had a huge fight. All because of nothing. His mom said that his car was being "driven too much". Of course it was driven a lot, he has to drive something to and from work! He also drives to my house on Sundays to meet for church. His mom also said that he is only going to be allowed to see me once a week, which is Sunday. That's no fun. Going to church with him is great, but its not really much fun at all. We don't get to talk.

My friend, who never blows up, got very angry. He tried to proove his innocents to his mom by explaining why his car was driven almost everyday and why he was mad that he was only going to be allowed to see me once a week. And its dumb, too, that a car is being driven too much. Isn't that what a car is for? It'll rust if it sits in the drive way all its car-life! That'd be a waste of money spent on it.

Believe it or not, his mom also chewed him out because he never does anything to help around the house. I'd say that is a false accusation. He does all he can to help out. He isn't able to really be much of a help when he is out working for someone else.

He was so mad, he grabbed his car keys and ran out the door. He came over to my house and has only just now left. He was crying. His heart was broken because his parents will never listen to his side of the story. They are "always right", in their minds. They get mad at him even worse when he tries to calm them down and get them to listen to what is on his mind. They claim he "back talks" them. Back talking is a bad thing to do to a parent or teacher around here.

I could go on and on, but I really needed to explain what is really happening. None of this is made up. Every bit of it is true.

What is my friend doing that is so wrong? Why are his parents so angry with him?

Oh, I did forget. He has a 13 year old sister and a 19 year old brother. These two do nothing but eat and sleep all day. They do nothing to provide help. Only my 16 year old friend does this. These two siblings have never once gotten in trouble for not helping out around the house. They are treated like royalty.

So anyways, can any of you who have teenagers tell me as a parent what might be wrong here? My friend tries his best to do his best but it isn't good enough. His young heart is broken and so is mine. There isn't really anything I can do to help him. He says though that I am the best thing that has ever happened to him because I actually have the patience to listen to him. I also provide a shoulder for him to lean and cry on if he needs. No one else in his family provide these things for him. They do for the other kids, just not my friend.

What is he doing that is so wrong?

Thanks for any advice or comments.

-Tara

Hi Tara. My son is 18 years old, so I have a bit of experience with teenage boys, but not much with girls (except that, back in the Dark Ages, I was one myself!). What you are saying happens all the time. I'm ashamed to say that we parents get jealous when our children start to prove themselves as adults. It's not admirable, but it's true - adults can be very childish at times. :o And very unreasonable. :o

My parents could be extremely unreasonable too - even as an adult I still think they were unreasonable, but as a parent myself I know where they were coming from.

From a parent's point of view, the best thing you and your boyfriend can do is go along with it for now. Yes, it's unreasonable. Yes, it's unfair. But prove that you are sensible and you'll get both sets of parents back onside soonest.

Good luck! You have just come head-to-head with Life!
:)

I think us mums can also say things in the heat of the moment :(

we get fed up too ;)

if he truely think his parents will not listen to him tell him to sit down and write them a letter. This gives him time to think and not yell/back talk and just write everything out. People say things when they are angry does not mean that they mean it. This will also give his parents time to read the letter and think about how their son feels..... A letter can do wonders cause there is no fighting/yelling ect only reading and quiet....

Good luck and I agree it just takes time and patience on both parts :)

Hi Tara, this boy sounds a real treasure, having had and still got teenagers myself, I didnt think boys like him existed! Seriously though, perhaps his mum and dad are feeling left out in his life, what with working and not seeing much of him, some parents can feel like that. I know with mine still at home, except one, I do get a tiny bit jealous when my daughter comes home from work, gets changed to go and sit with her mates then comes home only to get changed and go to bed. And then if she wants to go out at the weekend or stay at one of her aunties' I tend to nag her about never being in! Perhaps they miss him in that way but dont want to tell him the real reason they dont want him going out all the time. We parents can be hard to figure out sometimes and some find it hard to show their real feelings! I'm sure it will sort itself out soon, who knows if he spends more time with them they might let up on him. Can't you spend some time at his place? You are only 'youngsters' though so you have plenty of time.

Dee

hey tara,

I dont think i can give you prental advice as im only 14! but i argree with dollface that you should get him to write a letter, but what ever you do dont let this problem come between you and him. From reading your post i sound as is you have a really special person there and just make sure that you hold on to him. It nice that you care about him so much and he sound like a very responcable adult it just ashame that his parents need that pointing out to them.

Wish you both luck.

luv sarah xxxx

This sounds a bit like the 'middle child syndrom (sp)'. I am the youngest. I have 2 brothers. My eldest brother got everything he wanted, as did I.  Our brother, on the other hand, was always brought down by my parents. No matter what he did, it was wrong. He eventually rebelled against them and left home. My father, now 70, still doesn't approve of his life-style and complains about it. My brother is a  director of a company ;)

Just be there for your friend. His hormones will be adding to his problems as he is growing into a man, something his parents could be frightened of.

Hi

I would definately put every thing down in writing - particularly how he feels! it is very important to explain how someone's behaviour makes you feel.

I was a little concerned about the car though - he is not allowed to drive until he is 17???

Sadly parents do treat siblings differently, i know my mom worships my brother but i can do nothing right and am constantly critisised and i'm over 30!

But they need to know how he feels it is very important - more important that what he does or doesnt do.

Sharon

I think sibeluver03 is in the USA and driving laws are different there :)