By tanni
Date 04.04.04 11:06 UTC
ANGULATION: degree to which dog handlers will bend over backwards to impress the judge
BALANCE: how to arrange the checkbook so your husband won't know how much money you spent on dog shows las month. Usually done in the bathroom with the door locked.
BITCH: a) name for a lady dog; b) name often overheard at dog shows, not always to describe a lady dog
COAT: hairy covering of a dog that usually falls out about 1 week before the Specialty
DAM: a) a lady dog with children; b) expression frequently overheard at the dog show as losers leave the ring
ELBOW: method of gettin to ringside when late.
EXPRESSION: "Sweet" look adopted by dog while staring ravenously at chunks of liver
FANCIER: degree to which some gentlemen handlers dress more than others
FEATHERING: what winners are accused of doing to judges' nests
FRONT: part of the dog often stacked toward the outside of the ring
HEEL: a) you feel like when your dog beats the one you had just sold to an eager novice
b) expression often screamed to attract the attention of deaf dogs
HEIGHT: (as in "Maximum Allowed"): a measurement which all champions fall under by AT LEAST 1/8 inch
HOCK: a way of financing your dog shows by the use of jewelry such as wedding rings
KENNEL: where you go when the kids fight and your husband yells at you
LITTER: trash left all over the building and parkig lot after a dog show
MASK: what to wear when you have to show the pet you sold six months ago
MUZZLE: what to put on your kids at dog shows to prevent them from calling your competition what they overheard you call him last night.
NOSEPRINTS: cute marks left all over your French doors
OUTCROSSING: what your husband tells the minister you are doing out in the kennel with the dog and the bitch.
POINTS: minute, invisible awards for winning which you cannot convince your spouse are more important than cash prizes.
PUPPIES: small, dog-like food processing machines with the ability to stink up an entire house and collectively deafen a band of magpie. These creatures have not yet been perfected, as they come with a leaky system and can also be dangerous to weak hearts and bank accounts.