A LETTER TO MY PETS

Dear Dogs and Cats:

When I say to move, it means go someplace else,
not switch positions with each other so there are
still two of you in the way.

The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain
your food. The other dishes are mine and contain
my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle
of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it
becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that
aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is
not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the
object. Tripping me doesn't help, because I fall
faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king size bed.
I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue
to sleep on the couch to ensure your comfort. Look
at videos of dogs and cats sleeping, they can actually
curl up in a ball. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular
to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible.
I also know that sticking tails straight out and having
tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space
used is nothing but sarcasm.

My compact discs are not miniature Frisbees.

For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the
bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage
to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, try
to turn the knob, or get your paw under the edge and try
to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I
entered. In addition, I have been using bathrooms for years,
canine attendance is not mandatory.

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other
dogs' butt. I cannot stress this enough. It would be such
a simple change for you. To pacify you I have posted the
following message on our front door...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Rules for Non-Pet Owners Who Visit and
Like to Complain About Our Pets:

1. They live here. You don't.

2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes,
stay off the furniture.

3. I like my pet a lot better than I like most people.

4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an
adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks
on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.

5. Dogs and cats are better than kids. They eat
less, don't ask for money all the time, are easier
to train, usually come when called, never drive
your car, don't hang out with drug-using friends,
don't smoke or drink, don't worry about buying
the latest fashions, don't wear your clothes,
don't need a gazillion dollars for college, and if
they get pregnant, you can sell the offspring.

:D :D :D

Excellent!!!!!!

:)

Donna and charliex

So funny yet so true.  excellent

So true BUT I do have a dog that drinks, we cannot leave alcohol (normally beer) lying around!!!

Rox