I was promoted at work and a condition of the promotion was I spend most of this year abroad.   My husband can visit, but cannot go with me because of stupid immigration regulations which limit the amount of time he can spend.  I will come back home as often as I can as well.  Got it all worked out on a spreadsheet so we are only apart for 3 to 3-1/2 weeks at a time.  The flight to see each other is a long haul flight, so visiting more often is not possible.

I am totally miserable and feel as if accepting this new position was one of the stupidest thing I have ever done in my life (so far).  I am going to miss my home and my dog.   I am worried about leaving husband alone for such long periods of time, his health is not great (but I'd worry about that at home too) and I would never forgive myself if he got ill while I was away.  I will need to live in an apartment - and miss my garden as well. 

I am so stressed out by this that I am almost ready to tell them to take their promotion and shove it - or to quit.  Has anyone handled long seperations because of job requirements?  So far I'm not handling it very well - and it hasn't even happened yet :-(

Stacey

Hi Stacey

I was an army wife, and it can be tough. It was particularly tough for my ex as he was the one leaving us, and his life would feel extremely empty whilst he was away - however, that was for 6 months at a time...although he was frequently away for up to 3 weeks on exercise (he would sneak home as much as he could :rolleyes: )

Personally, I would go with my instincts. If you are not 95% happy then don't do it. Life is too short to be desperately unhappy and miserable. If you are in 2 minds, then give it a go maybe :) You could always pack it in then, and not wanting to be away from home fr most of the year is a valid leaving excuse I feel ;)

Good luck - keep us posted :)

Hi Chloe

My husband has recently taken a job where he works nearly 40 miles from home and because he has to start at 6.30-7am its too far to drive everyday.

So he is living in a mobile home in X and Christopher and I live at our house in Y 40 odd miles away.  He comes home Wednesday night and Saturday night. 

Its great.  Me and the dogs get a king sized bed between us & the house is relatively tidy.

But as I've said before - I'm a bit odd :D

My husband works away and i'll be honest it's a bloody killer. When my day is stressfull i have nobody to talk it over with like i normally would with him, if i phone him he sometimes isn't always able to take my call.
I screamed the place down at him last week purely because the light wasn't working and it hasn't for over 7months and he's an electrician!
But on the plus side i love him a whole lot more and i appreciate him when he's here, it will make your relationship stronger but get ready for some tearful phone calls (if you're anything like me).

lots of luck, Sarah

Hi Stacey
In a few weeks the kids, the dogs and me are off to live in Spain. As our house over here is not yet sold my hubby is going to have to come back here after a 2 week visit to settle us in. He will have to stay here to continue to work to pay for this mortgage and the Spanish one we are taking out until this place sells :-(
I don't know how long it might be for, could be a few weeks or months :-(
He will only be able to come and visit by using his annual leave which is about 25 days a year if the sale drags on. I cannot really come over here to visit much as it would mean bringing 3 children with me each time which would be expensive and leaving the dogs in Spain.
I could leave the house in Spain empty until this sells but I am keen to get the children over there and settled.
Really dont know which way is for the best :-( Just wish the house would sell super quick!
You see when we started the ball rolling in Spain a lady (I use that term loosely) had said she wanted this place and solicitors exchanged etc. Only when we got back having placed a deposit on the house in Spain she had done a Lord Lucan (vanished) hence us having to go ahead with Spanish house else loose our initial deposit :-(
Sorry I cant give you any advice as I am in a sort of similar dilema myself :-(

So sorry to hear your dilemma Stacey.

I am a great believer in gut instincts but if you are feeling so miserable about it at the moment you won't know which way to turn.

I would sit down and write out a long list of fors and againsts and the reasons for each.

Look at it in the cold light of day and then make your decision.

Jayne
xx

Hiya Stacey,

I can't help I'm afraid.  I just wanted to say, I feel so sorry for you having to make that decision!

Best of luck, I hope everything works out well for you.

Keep your chin up :)

Lisa

I feel for you.  My boyfriend lives in Birmingham and it's soooo difficult when he can only be here every now and again.  We are usually apart for 3 weeks or so at a time because of work and stuff.  If you really are miserable about it don't do it.  People are more important than jobs/money etc.  I get the feeling that what you've already got means a bit more to you than promotion.  Go with what you want to do, not what you think you should do.

CG x

One thing to consider is....My husband is home in about an hour's time from Scotland and he will then be leaving tomorrow at 4pm to start night shift in Reading (he works on newly built supermarkets) for 3 weeks. Even the best laid plans don't come off well, and he is often asked to stay longer than he's supposed to do resulting in a months stay or more.
He should have been home on Thursday and leave Monday but because of complications(which happen very often) on the job he is only home tonight. :(
I really feel for you good luck..........Sarah

Hi Stacey.  One way of looking at it is to ask yourself would you regret it if you don't take the promotion?  If the answer is yes, then maybe it is best to take it.  Maybe in a new environment and job position, 3 weeks might go by fairly quickly - I don't know, only another way of looking at it.
Good Luck anyway

Fiona

What Fiona says is right, i don't work so i have time on my hands but my husband is very busy and even he will admit it's only the night times that are the worst.
If the promotion will benefit your career then i think it needs careful consideration.

Stacey, go with whatever your *instinct* *gut-feeling* tells you. This is your life, you have one go at it, and that includes relationships too. Which is more important.

Good luck with whatever you decide.

liberty :)

Thanks everyone for you replies.   I really want the promotion, I am so bored in my current role that all I could think about was quitting.    

I guess I will try it and see what happens.  If my husband and I are too miserable I will come back home. 

It's good to know others have or are going through something similar, I know there will be a some very difficult days. 

The whole deal has made me realize how much I love where I am living now, I'm an expat and the stupid country with the stupid regulations that prevent my husband from living with me for the year is my "home" country - which is no longer home to me.

Stacey