Made me laugh, hope it doesn't offend anyone :D

M.

These questions about Australia were (allegedly!) posted on an Australian Tourism Website and obviously the answers came from a fellow Aussie. Amusing especially the Vienna Boys' Choir one.

1. Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, so how do the plants grow? (UK)
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.

2. Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)
A: Depends how much you've been drinking

3. Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden)
A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water...

4. Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Australia? (Sweden)
A: So its true what they say about Swedes.

5. Q: It is imperative that I find the names & addresses of places to contact for a stuffed porpoise. (Italy)
A: Let's not touch this one.

6. Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay? (UK)
A: What did your last slave die of?

7. Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia?(USA)
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the pacific which does not... oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked.

8. Q: Which direction is North in Australia? (USA)
A: Face south and then turn 90 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.

9. Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia? (UK)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

10.Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is...oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.

11. Q: Do you have perfume in Australia? (France)
A: No, WE don't stink.

12. Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia? (USA)
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.

13. Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia? (UK)
A: You are a British politician, right?

14. Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
A: Yes, gay nightclubs.

15. Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? (France)
A: Only at Christmas.

16. Q: Are there killer bees in Australia? (Germany)
A: Not yet, but for you, we'll import them.

17. Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? (Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter gatherers. Milk is illegal.

18. Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense rattlesnake serum. USA)
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.

19. Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. (USA)
A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.

20. Q: I was in Australia in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the girl I dated while I was staying in Kings Cross. Can you help? (USA)
A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.

21. Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)
A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first.

This one had me laughing out loud:D.

waah I'm homesick now!

Cissy, an Aussie

Cissy, me too. Been here almost 3 years now. Still think of Oz as my home, heck it is my home what am I doing here.... helllllp

I know what you mean and I've been here for 9 years and married to a local and have a Welsh dog [well I guess a red and white corgi with black trimmed ears is the closest thing to a blue heeler]!

Well I named my pup Sydney. and his pedigree name has Bushwacka in it. Close as I can get to home I guess, without being there. Did love bring you here? Thats my reason. MADNESSS!!!!
Did you see the little bluey at crufts. I wanted him to win, my ankles still tingle when I think of them..

good name - I narrowly avoided a Jubilee name for our puppy [born last year] - breeder was lovely but was about to call him William to help her keep track around the house before he left [phew]. Love didn't bring me here exactly - I came here from Sydney after working for a few years in Vietnam and was about to go back to Asia when I met husband so I guess love has kept me here, plus all those good things about England like daffodils etc which I try not to forget when I'm on the Tube.
Yes that bluey was cute - don't think I've ever been to a farm in Oz where they don't have one. A friend in Alice Springs had one and it used to wrap itself around his neck when out driving :rolleyes:
cissy

Sounds like you have lead an exciting life all that travel. Im lucky dont have to travel on public transport to work, did have a stint about 12 years ago travelling to work on the tube, when it was working otherwise a walk across town, around the time of the bomb scares, (always getting on the wrong buses though when I was going home.)

Well I have family back in OZ so Im hoping to get back there for a visit ... sigh one day.. Till then..
(singing) I still call Australia hooooooome....