im not sure if ive posted in the right subject please feel free to move if its not...
As some of you know my rottie lad has aggressive bone cancer and has only a short while to live...I lost my bitch rottie back in august and THATS still raw to me too...
I came home from shopping to find my other half searching through this site and some others (not keen on some but hes not to know as I usually do the puppy research)
ANYHOO....he rolls off a list of people hes planning on contacting for a new puppy!!! IM SOOOOOnot ready to even think about a new puppy,he really peeved me off even mentioning it to me..how dare he just try and replace my boy...if I was ready for a new puppy id have been looking after bella passed but I didn't for obvious reasons!

now I know that jazz (my standard poodle) is still young at 2 and will miss him dearly but surely shes not going to die over the hurt...he says she will be lonely. yeah I agree but so the hell will I!
I just aint ready to be looking at puppies...
why am I so angry?
am I wrong?
should we look?
im so upset troys still with us and hes looking now it upsets me sooo much...

don't get me wrong my house will certainly be empty but I just didn't think he'd be out looking or thinking so soon...
help cos im not sure if my feelings toward this are normal or over exadurated :-(((((

Edited to mention that troy and jazz are inseperable they play(or used to) and really do love each others company

Simple, just tell him you are not ready for a new puppy yet and why. Don't stress over it :)

I have but hes said its not all about YOU

ive always thought new puppies should come in agreance with all family members right?

I think your reaction is perfectly normal,  you will have lost two dogs in a very short space of time, and you are hurting,  I am sure your OH is hurting too but he is reacting differently,    (we all cope in our own way)  , I can sympathise  with your feeling of anger,   but you need to talk to him and explain  you are nowhere ready to start looking specially as you still have your boy, maybe a talk will make him realise how upset you are over his plans.  he might  be doing this for you  but got is sooooooo wrong.

Not a nice time for you all,  my thoughts go with you.x

The other thing is perhaps he feels bad too and his way of coping is to get another Rottie pup
as he can't cope without one in the family home?

The other thing is that sometimes we feel guilt about 'replacing' one of our beloved canine family members.
I prefer to see it as I'm sharing a piece of my heart with another, but the ones I have loved still remain in my heart and memories.
Grief affects us all differently and no way is right or wrong, it's what's best for you all.

It may be helpful if you both could compromise and find a middle ground where you'd both feel happy.
It may be that it will take some time to find a breeder that you both are happy with and also researching the bloodlines
to find if there are any lines that are more long lived than others. All of which are sensible actions and perhaps would be
more understandable reasons to your other half for delaying getting a pup?

It may be that your other half wants one now so that it picks up some of Troy's mannerisms? So that you still have a connection with Troy?

It's not wrong to feel hurt as you probably feel that your other half is betraying Troy, to him he may be trying to avoid the hurt that comes
with the loss of a beloved family member so that it gives him something to concentrate on?
Men don't often communicate feelings very well and perhaps it's his way of admitting losing a dog hurts like hell?

Actually I wouldn't panic too much.

I suspect its just his way of coping and he won't necessarily want to go all the way and get a puppy soon.  He's just looking right?

I know I done this a few years back during the time that I was losing my lovely big girl.  She was my heart dog.  She had a tumour on the spine.  It sounds crazy looking back, and I'm not sure why I done it, but I just started searching and searching and looking through all the ads and really I had no intention of replacing my girl, but somehow? it helped me through the process of realising that I was going to lose my girl. 

In the end, my girl passed away, and it wasn't til around 6-12 months later when I was ready to actually go out and get another pup.

But I think the looking when she was ill was all part and parcel of my grieving process.  HTH.   :-)

I was the same as Megslegs in looking at puppies before my last dog had died. I guess it is part of a grieving process as I knew that she wasn't going to pull back from the brink this time.
After she died, I stopped looking and sort of switched off from dogs for a time. I needed to give myself space and time to let her go. It was my husband who started to say, shouldn't we be looking at breeders etc, that got me going again and the searching was strangely restorative. After a while I started to become excited and looked forward to emails from breeders and advice from friends rather then avoiding them.
It's different for everyone and I was in the position of not having any other dogs in the household and missed their presence, but nice to have a hair free house for a time. :-)
Perhaps join your husband in looking, but also try to explain that you are not quite ready yet and to give it a bit longer or maybe that a change of breed may help?

You know you lot all talk perfect sense...I AM angry at the disease taking my boy and knowing theres nothing I can do! he has said he wasjust looking at breeders and said I should contact them to go on a waiting list and if im still not ready when the time comes to say actually no we cant right now...

ive looked at some of the people and thought NO WAY on earth am I contacting them as I like a well bred dog and even when im desperate for a pup (cos tbh if I get a bee in my bonnet nothing stops me until ive got my puppy and he knows this)but I want something I like and im not stupid I like to google and ring round a LOT!!!

I don't think I could have another rottie tbh I just don't think I could look at him/her the same...u never know I might just fall head over hills but I worry ill say things like oh troy/bella never did that ect and resent it...(I probably wont but I think of all these things)

he IS in agony over this as well ive spoken to three different cancer specialist to which all say the same....even amputation cannot save him as its in his lungs...

boxercrazy hit the nail on the head by saying he thinks it will help me get through the pain of losing him.....give me something to concentrate on but im sure in my mind im not ready...
I called him at work today and hes said hes sorry he thought it would be a nice thing for me...
im just gutted my poor poor perfect boy will soon be gone...

im rambling I know and I apologise and thank you for understanding...

Hi again Romside.  What you're going through is so difficult for so many reasons.  Sounds like you've talked to your OH a bit more about this which can only be a good thing.  We all cope with grief and loss differently and express it differently too.  As for when and if you think about booking a new pup and whether it will be another Rottie or a different breed - there's no 'right' answer to that either - except what feels right for you and hopefully for your OH too.

After losing my young lad last year (having known for some time that we would probably have to PTS before too long) I found that it did help to think about researching for a new pup.  My beloved cat had to be PTS just a week after my boy and me and OH both felt bereft.  So, we had a family conference (me, OH and our one remaining dog - and a bottle of wine and lots of tissues!)  I discovered that both my OH and I were thinking that eventually we would have another pup - but neither of us wanted to upset the other by saying so in case it felt too soon to talk about it.  In fact it did help.  I started my research thinking that it would take months - that I would have to a long time to find the right pup.  Much to my surprise things moved fast and I found a brilliant breeder and a gorgeous puppy much more quickly than I anticipated.  We therefore had our new family member about three months after losing our youngster.  If you'd asked me before we got him I would have said 'gosh, that's a bit quick' but it has turned out so well.  Pup is in no way a 'replacement' (still cry about our lost boy) but he has bought great joy and love into the house and it was absolutely the right decision for us.

Our new boy is a different breed.  Very sad in a way, but I just felt I couldn't face another Flattie at the moment, much as I adore them.  Too scary.  Again, the right decision for our little family.  I now have another 'favourite breed'!

Thinking of you all at this very little time and all the best with your various decisions.

Perhaps this is just his way to trying to ease your pain.  I well remember the time I slipped and slid the length of our stairs and the pain to my coccidia was unbelieveable.  OH came to help me up and suggested I have a 'nice hot bath'     Jeez, I could hardly stand never mind need a nice hot bath!!!   How I didn't haul off and hit him I don't know, much as I'm sure it was suggested with the best of intentions.

No, this isn't the time, for you.   But perhaps also to help HIM get through all this, he needs to focus ahead.

Obviously this is a joint decision to make, but only after you are through what lies ahead.   Perhaps explain to him that if he needs to be doing this, fine, but right now you can't think that far in the future.   And even if you were to put your name on any waiting list, right now you are probably not in the right mind set to make any right decision.   Perhaps you won't even go for another Rottie?

You know, what's meant to be, will be and you never know what might turn up, when the time is right for both of you.    One thing at a time eh.

Oh poor you to be losing your lovely boy. :-( I think as others have said, this is your hubby's way of coping and sadly it doesn't tie in with what you are ready for. I know if I hadn't had my other 2 dogs when I lost Henry I would have felt there was no point going on, he was my once in a lifetime dog. But if you are not ready for a puppy yet, definitely do not get one as you will just resent him. But there's no harm in your hubby looking around, with the clear understand that you aren't going to get one just yet - like someone said, it will take a few months or quite probably longer to actually find the right breeder and get your name on a waiting list anyway, so as long as nothing gets set in stone, if it makes your hubby feel better it won't hurt.

I'm more like your husband I needed to get another dog straight away when I lost my first, not to replace but to fill the hole.

> I'm more like your husband I needed to get another dog straight away when I lost my first, not to replace but to fill the hole.

It's more than just filling the hole.
Some people were aghast when I lost one of my cats in tragic circumstances, because I was on the phone the next day ringing round to see if any breeders had kittens available (this was before the days when you could just pick one off the internet - you had to go through the breed clubs or call fellow members as they were the only breeders then). But it was important to me, and a way of moving on. I also had a grieving cat to deal with who had been very close to the one which died. Definitely, the arrival of a new kitten a few weeks later was like a new start for both of us.

I had the reverse situation some years later when that 'kitten' passed away aged 7 years old, and again I was left with the same grieving cat - but wasn't able to have another for 18 months due to personal circumstances. I wouldn't like to do that again, out of choice. He developed some behavioural issues in that time which were never fully resolved, even when I did introduce a new kitten eventually.

Romside, I can sympathise here totally. It sounds to me like you are already subconsciously in the first throws of the grieving process even though your precious boy is still with you.

I was in a similar situation to you last year. My boy (and my soul mate, never had a dog like him) had a terminal condition and we had many wobbles when we thought that we might actually lose him. The first time he was in the vet and we were told to expect the worst, I swore there and then that even though we still had his half Sister, we would never get another dog of the same breed, or even another dog. My other half felt that by talking to the breeder of our boy to tell him the situation that this would take my mind off the terrible time we were going through. The arguments that were had were vicious and a lot of things were said that can never be retracted.

When I did finally lose my boy, I went into complete meltdown, from total disbelief to anger to selfish behaviour as I felt that I was the only one who felt this way. I didn't consider my OH or my Daughters feelings.

I got a call 2 months later from our breeder to ask how I was feeling. I then found myself asking him if he had any pups, still don't know where that came from! He did and not only that, he had 1 boy left who was the same colour as my old boy and spookily, this pup was born on the day that my darling passed over the bridge. The pup had been reserved for someone else but they could no longer have him. Something inside told me that although it was only 2 months and it felt like a betrayal, I needed and wanted this pup. My breeder kindly gave him to me.

9 months later, this pup is a delight and sheer joy. If you had ever told me at the time that I would have considered another dog so soon, let alone one who came from the same kennel with a lot of the same blood lines, I would have dismissed it resentfully. I have left nearly all feelings of guilt behind me as I now think that this is a testament to my boy, he was such a wonderful example of his breed.

Yes, I do sometimes compare this pup to Murfee, I can't help it but he has given me a reason to continue and with all of the training etc, has certainly helped me through the grieving process as I haven't really had time to think too deeply about it. I have been through my first Christmas and Birthday without my boy and they were bitter sweet moments for me but I would say, just go with the flow. Don't plan or be resolute in any decision making. Sometimes, what is meant to be, will be. Things happen for a reason in this life sometimes.