Today is 4 years since that we lost our mum.
She was 85 years young.
She had been suffering from heart problems for some time.
She was at our brother in laws funeral,she had sat next to my sister & her daughters ,giving her support at such a sad time.
She joked with her brother in law on the way out of the churchyard asking him if it was worth them going home .he is 3 years older than her,
As she left the churchyard she collapsed,paramedics were called & they resusitated her.then took her to hospital,
As you may imagin we were in a state ,we followed to the hospital were she was seen by a Dr,he then came to the visitors room to speak to us,he said that the tests they had taken Mum was brain dead as it had taken paramedics so long to get her doing again,and did we want to aggressively keep her going or to remove life support,we talked & agreed to let her go.
The Dr said that once removed Mum would die in approx 20 mins,
16 hours later - we had sat with her all night crying ,laughing going over our lives as loving daughters & grandchildren do.
The saddest part of it is as she died she seemed to have a fit ,jerking ,shuddering,her eyes opened with a fixed stare.
Do any of you know what that was.?
We expected to lose her but that upsets us most of all.

I can't answer your question but just wanted to send cyberhugs.
Must be tough?
85 YEARS!!!Jeez, that's a great age.  And she was obviously adored by her loving family which tells me she was a great mum.
You didn't mention her name though.
RIP Codysholasmums' mum  xx

I can answer the eyes opening question if it will help,  if you would like to think that she was taking in a last vision of you all then read no more and keep that memory. :-) It is what many people like to remember and being your mum it's a memory I would like.

It must have been a terrible shock for you all and she sounds like she had the most wonderful sense of humour remember her as she was.

If you really want to know the scientific reason read on..........

She was not aware at all plain and simply the eyes are much like the running headless chicken, the brain is dead but the part of the brain that controls eye movement is quite primitive and can remain active even after other parts have died, what the eyes saw would not have computed to a dead brain so it is little more than a reflex, which many of us will bring meaning to.

If she was fit and well till this episode then that explains why she survived so long after life support was removed, it would have taken time for other fit organs,heart, lungs and kidneys to fail before she passed, I saw this many times and it was so hard on the relatives who were told by the medics it would be soon, what used to happen was the relatives would go off to stretch their legs,get a coffee etc. and they would die whilst they were away which was even worse as we would be on pins trying to catch them when they returned to the ward before they re entered the room, if there was more than one relative I would suggest they took it in turns or if there was only one me or my colleague[only 2 of us at night and 18 patients] would go in and sit for a while, the least we could do.

As to her final reaction no 2 patients acted the same and I would just have to be prepared to comfort and support the family who also could be unpredictable[monitors thrown through windows,holes punched in walls and one occassion I got a door slammed in my face as I tried to follow out of the room,luckily my reactions were quick and I wasn't injured].

{{{{HUGS}}}} to you all.

I lost my 85 year old much loved Dad 4 years ago last month. It was the most awful day of my life and the memories. Of that day and the neglect from the hospital that led up to this will forever remain. I understand some of what you feel and send hugs to help

Thanks so much for all replys,
Yes we thought & still feel that she was a special lady,
her name was Marcia ,She had left the midlands at 19 yeas old to become a landgirl in rural hertfordshire,where she met & married our Dad.Apart from visits never returned except for when pregnant with my elder sister,she went to her mums for the birth & stayed for a bit whilst dad was overseas during the war.
Her main wish as she got older ,was to be cremated & her ashes scattered over ground that she had played on as a child,which we were pleased to do for her,
We sometimes meet up with cousins at the site for a high tea & chat about her family ,her brother & sisters (all gone now ),Its a way of keeping her close.
So this is not a sad post,but a serious question on the very end of her life.
I was with my MIL when she passed,she just stopped breathing,very peacefull,I suppose that I had thought that they were all the same,so with mum having this fit like end were upset by it.

Not that I am comparing your mum to dogs but it's the only comparison I can make.
I have never had a dog die of old age.  My dogs have all had to be PTS through illnesses in old age.  Not one has died the same way.
I had one that just went, very quickly slipped away, going all floppy and peaceful.  That was good.
I had another who took a big gasp of breath and about 5 mins after being pronounced dead, he let out a huge breath.
But the very worse was one girl lay down as if peaceful, then at the last min, he neck jerked around and it was like she tried to sit up and her eyes flew open. The vet was able to tell me she was dead and it was just nerve endings.  She was 14 and her back legs had stopped working(bladder and bowel functions gone too) but she was still very much alive.  It wasn't her time but her body was knackered and I felt she fought it so was extremely upset.  But my vet re-assured me by telling me it was just nerves.  Her heart was not beating while she was flailing about.

Again, I'm not comparing your mum to a dog but it's all I know.

RIP Marcia.  xx

i have had the gasping reflex,too,once a dog has been pts,must admit,its horrible,and i do sympathise.

cracar

Like you, I have always had to love a dog enough to give them peace.  My first Border Collie sighed after being pronounced dead, and that upset me terribly, even though the vet told me that he was gone.

I sat with my dad for 10 days before I lost him, and the last night I had stayed at the hospital until after 11pm.  He went at 4.30am and the hospital staff said that they often wait until after a relative has left.  Not sure if that is so.

I think there may be some truth in them waiting till we leave the room, my dad did it and my gran did and I'm sure they do it to spare our feelings.  It hurts for a while and you kick yourself but now I think it's just there way. Maybe that's why she took so long( I'm so sorry I can't remember the name of who posted this and my iPad doesn't show me till I posted this) she thought maybe you would go for coffee or something.  85 is a fantastic age I can't imagine all the changes she would have lived through and all the things she would have done and seen.  Thinking of you and your family xx

The body gives off some very strange noises as the last of the air is expelled and the fluids settle, sometimes this is when they are just lying there other times it is when the nurses move them later.

A friend and colleague sat by her Mum for over 2 weeks on the ward literally 24/7 bar for going for a shower and something to eat, she decided to take her home and 3 days later she went out onto the landing to speak to the DN who had come to check up on how things were going and when they went back into the bedroom she had gone, this had been the rare occassion that she had been alone for nearly 3 weeks, there had always been a nurse,neighbour or her daughter present.

As I said before this was a frequent occurance.

One time a young Dr refused to certify a patient because she was too hot, she agreed that there were no heart or lung sounds and the eyes were not reacting to light, I told her the patient had had a stroke which affected the Temp control in her brain and the thermometer[mercury back then] wouldn't record the true temp as it was so high and therefore she would take a while to cool down, it was next morning before she finally completed the paperwork, thankfully there was no family to get upset by this delay but the bed wasn't available to the next patient either which annoyed the bed manager no end.

>I think there may be some truth in them waiting till we leave the room

That seems to be an often-reported phenemenon, that people wait for privacy (or permission) to leave, even when they seem to be already gone.