I need some serious advice here,i walk my dogs at different days times AND parks yet this particular bloomin man seems to know where i go.i wouldnt mind but he dont now just want a quick morning chat n then off we go now he insists on walking 'with' us and i have to put izzy on a lead as she can be a moo around other dogs (not horrible just too over exited)...

How does he know!!!!im getting to the point now where i dont enjoy my walks and its right peeving me...i look forward to our time just us lot,but now it seems hes aways there.
and when hes not im constantly looking for him to try and avoid him so im still not enjoyong my walk

ok so its not every day,but he must know that we go different parks as he says things like 'fancy meeting you here' or oh how our minds think alike!!

Hes about 45-50 odd and without wanting to be horrible hes definatly a bit 'slow' i dont know what he has but thats how id decribe it...and before anyone gets the ump i was raised properly so NO im not being nasty or id have told this guy to clear off a long time ago..im polite and always greet him how id like to be greeted..im not encouraging him surely as i have said time and time again i like to walk alone in the peace and quiet..and i would rather we just said hello and then carried on on our own paths...

HELP!!!! i dont want to be rude to him,i wouldnt know HOW to be rude to him...but i really dont want his (or anyone eles for that matter)company and its upsetting me....he was there this morning and now its upset me because i dont want to hear about anythin he has to say its a constant conversation its hard work.i like it peaceful,alone with my dogs to take photos and play ect i cant do that with the annoyance there....
I dont want to come accross as stuck up belive me im far from it but i think i need help...the only thing i can think of doing is driving miles away t walk the dogs :-(

Don't want to alarm you but he isn't stalking you is he ?

I would pop into the local police station and explain what is happening as if it is worrying you and affecting how you feel them something should be done if you don't feel you can tell him face to face that you don't want his company.

> I would pop into the local police station

Good idea :) He may be doing it to other people too :( If he does have a 'problem' - learning difficulties etc then he may have a social worker who the police can speak too - he is probably known to the police. Talking to the police is the best way in case it could lead to more offensive behaviour :(

Romside, I think - before you go to the police - you need to be a bit firmer.  I would get quite angry if someone insisted on coming on a walk with me, despite my having told them I wanted to be alone and in peace - I would for sure think this was harrassment or stalking.  As a result - there's no way I would walk along and let them talk to me!! 

Say firmly to him 'I'm sorry, I don't want to walk with you.  I want peace and quiet.  Have a nice walk and good day.'  Then walk off.  If he starts to come with you, stop and say 'I'm sorry, wasn't I clear?  I want to walk alone.  Why are you still following me?'  If he continues, then say:  'I want to be alone.  If you don't leave me alone, I will have to go to the police.'

You might have to do this 2-3 times, but he should get it!  When you do this, if you have an iPhone or a phone with a voice recorder, record the conversation so you have something to take to the police if you need.  If you can take along a friend or another person with you, when you do this, it will probably help you feel safer - or try to ensure the conversation happens in a place where there are other people around.

The point being:  You can't go to the police and say this guy is stalking you, yet at the same time you allowed him to walk along with you, talking about anything and everything, for several walks, without seriously objecting.  That is likely to be understood by the police as a sign of your implicit acceptance of the situation so they are not going to be able to take action.  You need to make it very clear what you want, repeatedly - especially if he has learning difficulties.

Thought Romside had done this ?

> im not encouraging him surely as i have said time and time again i like to walk alone in the peace and quiet..and i would rather we just said hello and then
> carried on on our own paths...

> You can't go to the police and say this guy is stalking you, yet at the same time you allowed him to walk along with you

Absolutely agree. You just need to be quite firm that you want to walk alone :) I know you don;t want to be rude, but that is much better than going to the police when this guy hasn't really done anything wrong. It sounds like he's maybe lonely and has latched on to you because you're polite to him. If he has learning difficulties he may not pick up on subtle hints - you will have to be quite blunt.

Before you do anything else, greet politely followed by please do not walk with me I wish to spend this time on my own, if he continues then repeat please go away and leave me alone, if that does not work say I am now finding your persistence threatening if you do not stop I will report you. Then report him on your mobile in front of him.

>Thought Romside had done this ?

I think she is giving mixed messages, by saying this and then walking on and allowing him to talk whilst they walk.  I think the man probably believes it's ok, which is why he's getting keener and keener on it all and turning up unexpectedly. 

I like Nova's idea of reporting him on the phone, in front of him, as a last resort.

Ask him direct questions, don't say 'I like to walk alone' - say 'Why are you following me?'!  If he starts to tell you about stuff, say 'Why are you telling me this?  I don't want to hear.  Please leave me alone!'. 

If you see him stop and and say ur hello's whichever and then when you want to proceed say something like
Well I should be carrying on now so Have a nice day and enjoy your walk goodbye- then proceed to walk away.

I would be concerned about this man.  I mean, if you had said you meet him at the same park, at the same time each day, then I would have put it down to coincedence but  this is something more.  Be blunt, like others have said.  Is he worrying about hurting your feelings by tagging alone even after you've said not to? NO! So why are you worrying about his? A stranger?  It's not bad manners.  Just be blunt. 
"Sorry, I can't walk with you anymore as I like to let my dog off and she can be iffy with strange dogs.  Have a nice walk".  And then walk in the opposite direction that he was going.  If this doesnt work, leave her off.  Once she starts peeing off his dog, he'll soon beat it!lol

Romside, I think this may need handling very carefully. I have worked with people with learning disabilities.Without knowing what problem this person may or not have, you could run the risk of disturbing his behaviour and causing a reaction you don't want.

Of course you have to stop him walking with you, but my advice would be to have a friend walk with you, when you deal with the situation.
You may have to do this a few times before he accepts that he may not go with you.

Be careful not to speak in a threatening or hectoring manner. I wouldn't personally phone the police in his prescence, unless it became immediately necessary. If it comes to reporting him, I would do it in your own home. Like LJS I wouldn't wish to alarm you, but you are obviously quite distressed and I think you should be careful.

He sounds pretty determined to me....I agree you need to be with someone else for a couple of walks after making it clear you need to walk your dog off lead and that she can be a bit funny with other dogs around.

You don't need to be sharp or blunt, just confident and clear what you want.

I don't want to alarm you either, but you can never tell how people will react, whether they have any kind of special needs or not, hence suggesting someone with you.

It is still worth popping into the local police station as if he has been hassling other people then at least if anything dies happen they will have a bigger picture of his movements and motives if things do escalate.

I would be be very wary as if he knows where you are going to be then he has been tracking your movements as it seems more than just coincidenceif you vary walks and the times you go out.

Romside, I know exactly how you feel hun, as I had the same problem when I was much younger, it's horrible and like you I could not be rude either.......... today I would be different, today I would be straight to the point whilst still being polite, today I wouldn't allow myself to be pressured by him to walk with him I stand up for myself, what I think and feel is more important than trying to be nice and getting into bad situations. Age and experience changes you. :-) Today, if I felt he were not just a normal 'pass the odd word' dog walker. I would say "I prefer to walk alone with my dog thank you, I can't think when someone's walking with me" and walk off with a smile and stop things before anything starts.

This man may just be looking for a friend, lots of people have learning difficulties and latch onto someone who will give them the time of day as today many people won't. He may not be a threat, I wouldn't be calling the police at this time, just politely tell him you want to walk alone now. Don't worry about it sounding silly or hurting his feelings. If the mood changes or he still turns up, you'll need to take different action, but you need to tell him first, he doesn't know.......... and the police if they become involved need you to have made it clear you don't wish to walk with him.

If you are anything like I was you are being polite and friendly and trying not to be sexist too which I kept on reminding myself I must be as if it were a female I wouldn't have had alarm bells going on, the truth is you would........... you're instincts tell you when something is off, male or female and you need to listen.

For me things went bad, so nip it in the bud whether it is........ or something quite innocent.

I was friendly and outgoing and giving advice about this mans dog, he would ask to walk with me, but like you suddenly he was there all the time, suddenly I was trying to pick walk times to avoid, I would change directions even half way through the walk, but he wouldn't be shaken lose, where I went he went, when you are alone with that person you do feel vulnerable, I told myself I was just being paranoid.

I'm very private with 'dog walking' acquaintances and don't discuss family etc but I started to with this man chatting about hubby, how happy we were hint, hint, please take the hint. :-D Things got stranger and he would be found not just on dog walks but in many places I frequented, bumping into me all the time, you suddenly realise you are being stalked, even though you make excuses for it and think you are going mad.

The first time  I saw him from my bedroom window (in my private drive) looking at my house, I knew things had progressed even worse, my husband became involved (I was so embarrassed, unfortunately it is how you feel) he had words with him, my husband, mother and brothers were pulled in to walk with me, I was never to be alone, even so he would still lurk. Gifts started to arrive..........  I guess now he thought I was an imprisoned princess needing rescuing, the police were pulled in...... so much happened, but I don't want to frighten you.

We moved for many reasons but the worry of this man being one of them and to this day I usually have my mum come over to walk our dogs together, hubby won't have me in that position again even though I am so much tougher and stronger than the polite young lady I was brought up to be. ;-)

Be careful, I know only too well the horrors of being stalked, I hope that you just have a man wanting a friend who is harmless, stand up for yourself hun, politely but sternly. I hope you will never have anything like I had. Remember it is not rude to tell someone you wish to be alone. x

I think you are right,LJS popping into the local police station would be a sensible action,given that he appears to know her movements.

I would try just saying politely 'sorry, I'm afraid I don't really want company on these walks, I just fancy a quiet walk' and seeing if that gets rid of him. If not, I agree with the others that you should take a friend with you on walks and have a word with the police. Finding this bloke no matter when and where you walk would scare me a fair bit I have to say!

Gosh Carrington, that is terrifying.  Poor you :(

Carrington has given you really good advice. My daughter has been in the same position and it became a very difficult situation that eventually involved the police after the situation escalated way out of control. She too was a polite young lady who didn't like to ignore someone who would talk to her and pass the time of day with her as she went about her ordinary everyday life. The person involved was a member of the public who used to go to the place where she had a Saturday job when she was at school, he had learning difficulties and being young and polite she would speak to him - the same as she did with all the customers.

He began to turn up in places where he wouldn't normally be expected to be and one day after work she rang me absolutely terrified as he had approached her as she was walking to the bus stop and things began to get uncomfortable. We made sure she was always dropped off and picked up from work but this didn't deter him and his attentions became a major problem. The police became involved after an unexpected encounter with him and her employer also called the police when he continued to harrass her at her place of employment. The case went to court and he was given a suspended sentence but  had to undergo psychiatric assessment and was then deemed well enough to return to his home but with a restraining order that was meant to prevent him from coming anywhere near her . That same day an incident occurred that was very frightening and resulted in him being rearrested and as a result he has been referred to a secure unit to serve an indefinite sentence. My daughter's name is flagged on the police computers and any call from her is treated as an emergency situation and the police respond really quickly - as we found out when her car was broken into and two police cars turned up within minutes of her reporting it.

Each year we receive a courtesy phone call from the police to let us know the current situation with regard to his sentence and to let us know that he is still in a secure unit. He was allowed compassionate leave last year to attend a funeral and we were informed in advance that this was going to happen.

If you feel uncomfortable with the situation - as you so clearly do - please do tell the police. If it is innocent then a quiet word from the police may just be enough for him to realise that his behaviour isn't acceptable. My daughter originally didn't want to involve the police because she realised he had learning difficulties and thought he just didn't understand that she was just being polite but in hindsight we should have reported it as soon as the situation reached the point where he just didn't listen to polite requests to leave her alone. 

scary stuff harley and with things happening its not worth taking the risk. Put your headphones in music off and carry on walking, id try that

Wow carrington that must have been so horrible for you...Harley also its unbelibeable isnt it!!

Like i said i have tried being polite whilst walking towards him and said on a number of occasions,today im affraid id like to be alone...ive got a long walk to do and ineed to get there soon,ive tried saying im walking to the yard today(my horses are over the back of our fields quite a walk but its possible lol).
I tried just saying morning whilst walking at a fast pace still just walking...that worked until he walked around the back and came head on with me up the bridal path...

ive spoken to matthew about it and hes said just leave izzy off the lead,its her time (hes right).my dad has said he'll come with me on walks with ollie as suggested,he'll have no problem telling him to leave us in peace and ill be grateful but ill feel bad for him...ive never liked hurting peoples feelings :-(
crazy i hear you cry but its true...

Dad and i are going to try walking together and if that doesnt work we'll just load all 6 dogs into mums truck and go to the park further away
thank you all so much for your help

>.ive never liked hurting peoples feelings

Romside, his feelings are going to be even more hurt and he's going to be even more disappointed, the more he thinks it's ok and that you don't mind.  You need to be absolutely clear.

>said on a number of occasions,today im affraid id like to be alone...ive got a long walk to do and ineed to get there soon,ive tried saying im walking to the yard today(my horses are over the back of our fields quite a walk but its possible lol).I tried just saying morning whilst walking at a fast pace still just walking...that worked until he walked around the back and came head on with me up the bridal path...

Ok, see above re direct questions and DIRECT statements:  "Please leave me alone."  "Why are you following me?"  "Please go away."  Preferably all with your dad there too. 

Saying things like 'I've got a long walk' or 'I'm walking to the yard today', for someone with learning difficulties just are not direct enough.  Often they may not have sufficient interpersonal skills to understand the meaning of your statement, for them - or what is implied by it.  They will just hear it literally - that you are taking a long walk.  That you are walking to the yard.  Even saying 'morning' and walking on they would need to have sufficient understanding of social interactions to figure out. 

You need to be absolutely direct and state absolutely what you want and don't want. 

I also think it would be better coming from you, rather than your dad.  If it comes from your dad, the man might just think that your dad is somehow coming between you and preventing you from having access to him.  He might try even harder to get to you when your dad's not around.  If it comes from you, it will be clear that this is what YOU want. 

For the same reason, I wouldn't suggest leaving your dog off the lead and trying to deter him like that.  He is likely just to think 'oh, it's not possible to reach her today, but next time...'.  As in:  It is still not clear what you want, and he will just see what the literal concrete situation is - that there is something preventing his access.  But when that something is not there, he is likely to continue trying to reach you. 

You must speak to him directly, and tell him absolutely - so there can be no misunderstanding - that you do not want him to speak to you, meet you or follow you.  Do it with your dad there, because you don't know how he will react when he hears this - but still you should do it, not your dad.

Rabid,makes perfect sense thanks...

I agree with rabid, having a daughter with social difficulties (asd) you have to keep it black and white and very clear as they often don't understand subtle hints.

I learned this the hard way with a lad who volunteers at the rescue I also volunteer at..

He is a lovely lad, but - he doesn't get any shade of subtlety at all, so he got into the habit of getting in the way and standing over me too close when I was working with some of the more difficult dogs.

I didn't make it absolutely crystal clear that he must NOT EVER pick up a dog, and he tried to pick up the dog I was working with and got bitten - he wasn't hurt but I was extremely annoyed with myself for not having been super clear and preventing the situation (if nothing else, it set this dog back!).

So now I am blunt with him - Hi X, I am working with Z today, We need some space you can't stay and watch. I will come and get you if I need you, *holds door open* Goodbye now.'

It feels rude but it is necessary.

It may feel rude to you but if the lads anything like my daughter he won't see that way as that's how they would do it. My daughter can come across very abrupt if you don't know her and understand the way she works. Yout are doing the right thing

Yes, I agree Boody, Theemx, people need to change their way of thinking and talk to some people in a way exactly how they understand things, without feeling guilty, so many of us are just so afraid and are brainwashed into thinking honesty is rude.

My mother is as straight talking as you can get she's no nonsense, calls a spade a spade and she often makes me cringe (although I shouldn't) with her abruptness, always fair but always honest, she wouldn't have allowed what happened to me to have happened to her.

But, unfortunately even having a mother with that character she still brought myself and my brothers up to be like the Von Trapp family. :-D We were taught to be ultra polite, never talk back to adults and to show everyone respect, yes it is a great way to be brought up makes your children look great to the outside world, but it does not give them the tools to deal with someone when you need to like this, you're so worried about being impolite.

Adults all over the world and children too are so afraid to step out of the box of politeness and respect that they put themselves in awkward situations and danger.............. but, then you have the other end of the scale where many have no respect at all, it is a balance.

It's one thing I've taught my boys and I hope others will also teach their children that it is ok to say No and to be confident, it's why the straight talkers of the world don't bother me, people may call them rude but they don't get into these messes and you always know where you stand.

Good luck Romside, let us know what happens and keep safe, although I 'think' he is just more of a pain than anything else to your nice peaceful dog walk as with anything it is all about over-stepping comfortable boundaries and yours are being breeched. :-(

Carrington I agree I was bought up in a similar way and still find it hard to be direct with people manners coming first. Both my children will have stand up for themselves sometime in my view too much
I understand how you got into that situation I feel I very nearly got there myself. Again a dog walk that a male joined me and others in. Some how it often became him and me and it got more and more personal> I too avoided him as and when i could but often somehow ended up walking with him too th epoint of finding excuses to hold my hand. things like its slippery dont want you to fall , its cold your hands look cold those golves arnt thick enough.let me give you my jacket you look cold.
Fortunately  for me he became unwell and stopped walking , I changed where I walked and things stopped. really all that got out of hand or could have due to me not wishing to be rude. To the op its very hard but I would try and be direct and also have chat with teh local police. Good luck  

It's surprising how many people things like this have happened to - keep safe, guys, even if you have to risk being rude.

i was thinking some thing similar you always believe its you alone. 

the way i talk to my daughter people used to think i was being rude to her, but it was not, she needs things bluntly put to her , she needs to be told things straight, no fluffy bits on it, sometimes people will skirt around things to try and make her understand but she cannot so i tell her straight and she is so much happier that way

but please be carefull and safe

Any update on how things have gone ?

Assuming that the man may have some learning disability, you may have to be more direct in what you are saying to him.  My son has autism and would not understand subtle nuances about liking to walk alone.  You may have to say you want to walk on your own and politely say goodbye because you are going to go another direction to him.

If you think he does not have a prolem understanding, tell him one of the dogs has been unwell and you don't want him to risk spreading it to his dogs so perhaps its better you don't walk them together.?

Hope you manage to find a way without upsetting yourself or him.

I would love to hear an update as it would help people in the same situation ?

Id like to give you something more productiove or informative but i just havent seen him around lately!!

dad and i took a different approach.we took allthe kids out and dogs hoping we could say im sorry but we'd like to be alone ect but just havent seen him.
i did avoid the usual parks for a while so u just never know whats happened.but im back enjoying my walks and if he appears again im more than prepared to be polite but mean what i say...if (and im sure its got to just be a matter of time) i come across him again i shall definatly update.