Never put mascara on then pull a polo neck over your head :-)

Don't start to shampoo a dog in the bath and expect it to stay there when the phone rings !

never leave your subway sandwich unattended

Never leave your back door open when you have free range hens.

:-) :-)

I am loving these.........

Always remember to shut the car doors when you've got the last of the shopping in and take it for granted that it WILL rain overnight.

remember to log on again to Tesco online & add to your order or you will have a Tesco van deliver a bunch of 5 bananas and nothing else :(

PMSL, oh Multitask that is hilarious.

That having neighbours aren't a good idea!!

never put the hens eggs in your pocket when collecting up.

(particulary if you have habbit of shutting gate with hip)

If you're going to wear the slippers your friends gave you with Cavalier heads on, make sure the clipper wire hasn't got caught round them before going to answer the door. I still have the bruises!

> xmlns="http://www.w3.org/1999/xhtml">

remember to log on again to Tesco online & add to your order or you will have a Tesco van deliver a bunch of 5 bananas and nothing else <img alt=":-(" src="/images/default/sml_neg.png" class="sml" />

Even worse when they arrive with 4 bottles of vodka and nothing else. :-0   More so when you don't even like vodka!

I've learnt not to put candy canes on the christmas tree. 

Not to buy designer flip flops with a two inch heel as twelve weeks with a foot like elephant man then an operation to reattach all the ligaments was a lesson learnt !!

That being very efficent in training the outsourcing company results in YOUR redudandancy !!

...How lovely snuffly ear kisses from a rescue dog can be.

that education professionals aren't always right, YOU know what's the right further education decision for your teenager!!

Ive also learned to accept that I now wear pull on trousers, just like I did when I was a child :-(

..............with elastic waists.

Thing I have learnt in 2011 -

That the pens for use on graphic tablets actually require batteries - that's why the flippin' thing hasn't worked for the last 4 years! *blush*

Don't wear fake suede furry boots to an outdoor dog show on grass in October after it has rained. Your feet will squish all day.

don't go to the park in a pale coat. your dog might not jump up- but everyone elses does :(

Don't wear new unwashed jeans in a hot country, unless you want to look like a smurf from the waist down when you undress !!!

Don't buy a cheapo 2nd hand washing machine from your mates uncle & then leave it unattended with a wash in without testing it for leaks first..... :-O

That there are things far worse than fox poo for your dogs to roll in.

That if you're unhappy about the contract before signing it, then it's definitely a bad idea to go ahead and sign it.  Listening to your heart is sometimes the best plan.  :(

Some crackers here.  Great thread tooolz!

To make sure there is a light on when going to the loo in the early hours!

Some of these are just hilarious - keep 'em coming!

> That there are things far worse than fox poo for your dogs to roll in.

That is indeed so! 2011 has taught me:
1). Keep dogs on leads in fields where there is a high density badger population nearby;
2). Avoid fields containing/recently containing suckling calves, even if they are waaaaay over there over the top of the hill or behind the hedge in the next field, or moved yesterday as there ARE worse things than badger poo;
3). Scope out cattle troughs, ponds, streams etc. in advance in case of management failure re above.

>> That there are things far worse than fox poo for your dogs to roll in.
> That is indeed so! 2011 has taught me:
> 1). Keep dogs on leads in fields where there is a high density badger population nearby;
> 2). Avoid fields containing/recently containing suckling calves, even if they are waaaaay over there over the top of the hill or behind the hedge in the next field, or moved yesterday as there ARE worse things than badger poo;
> 3). Scope out cattle troughs, ponds, streams etc. in advance in case of management failure re above.

A fungi aptly named vomit fungi surpasses everything - liberally applied around the neck and squashed into the ears the smell is unbelievable.......... even with the windows open in the car on the way home I had to pull over and get out of the car for a while to prevent myself adding to the smell of vomit in the car. Once home and just before I could get him into the shower he shook and a piece of it landed on the blind at the bathroom window - a minute piece that I didn't find until I went to pull the blind down that evening. I spent all day cleaning out the bathroom trying to get rid of the pong not realising there was a piece of the vile stuff attached to the blind.

Never smelt anything like it before and really don't want to smell it again. Fox and badger poo smell rather nice in comparison :-)

Wow - I've never heard of it - but it sounds pretty awful.  My dog does love the fox poo - it's nice when it's so cold it's frozen (plus she often has a coat on - easier to wash than a dog).  Worst thing she ever rolled in - human!!!! (actually to be honest, the thought was worse than the actual smell).

But once she came back smelling really horrible & musky.  If I were in the US I would have thought it was skunk.  Could it have been something to do with deer?  Any ideas??

TIHLI 2011

That waterproof mascara really is - and nothing short of an angle grinder gets it off

Not to buy new clothes ...and then decide to diet

That 15 year old girls are almost completely incapable of managing their mobile phone usage

That you will remember to watch a fantastic new programme that you've been looking forward to ...five minutes after it finished :(

That my husband is quite the nicest man I know

> But once she came back smelling really horrible & musky.

Polecat poo?

Fox poo can be very musky.
Badger poo is awful, it's sloppy and runny, plus they have communal [open] latrines which amounts to a whole pit of poo.... or several, usually. One drop of a dog's shoulder into that, and you're duggered ;)  I would say it's not as musky as fox [which is also dry in comparison] and in fact it's quite close to human poo smell-wise, I'll trade you fox for badger any day :)

Otter poo, on the other hand, is fragrant and smells like fresh new mown hay with a hint of jasmine and a tiny tiny whiff of cod liver oil. When one of mine rolled in it I allowed him to keep it - and of course I was dead chuffed he'd found it in the first place.

Calf poo is foul as it's like normal cow poo but because they are suckling it has a strong sour-milk vom element which sticks... I could still smell it AFTER bathing the dog in Pantene and coconut conditioner, thankfully it vanished after she dried off.

Mmmm can we change the subject now? lol....

To stick with the weightwatchers diet,

if you don't it all goes back on! 

You can tell you are a dog owner with the extensive and very descriptive knowledge of poo ! Lol

I posted a status update on Facebook last night as I was so excited as we saw Dave our kitten do a poo outside for the first time !

I am cheating here as I actually learnt these valuable lessons in 2008 but if it can save one person from suffering the way I did then it will be worth it.

When fetching your christmas tree in from the garage always check that there are no mice in the box BEFORE bringing it in to the living room.

Other associated lessons.

Just because your dog is an obsessive rabbit chaser out in the field does not mean that he will be any use at all in catching stray mice in your living room.

In the same way as you have managed to persuade the dogs and cats to live together in perfect harmony,  those same animals will decide that if you brought a mouse in to the house then you must want it to become part of the family so they won't help you catch it.

Always remove fragile or precious items from your cabinet before attempting to move it, There is no rush. It doesn't matter how quickly you move the cabinet, the mouse you saw bolting underneath will not be there when you move it.

Superglue does not work on glass very well. You can see the join.

The more precious an item is, the more likely it is to be broken  in an unscheduled furniture move.

Ugly ornamanets don't break!

> Ugly ornamanets don't break!

:-D :-D 
Great story :)

To love thy neighbour as thyself can be VERY difficult :) :) :)

A lesson I learn every year then promptly forget....and have to relearn it every year :-)

You cant make people act the way you want them to, to be who you want them to be or feel the way you feel.

You just have to accept it and move on :-)

Book next years online delivery of christmas food in January to avoid having to book a time so many days before and so late in the day that so much stuff was swapped because they had run out or couldn't find an alternative. So now standing in a a queue of about 15 people trying to pay and it is the same at each aisle :-(

> Otter poo, on the other hand, is fragrant and smells like fresh new mown hay with a hint of jasmine and a tiny tiny whiff of cod liver oil. When one of mine rolled in it I allowed him to keep it - and of course I was dead chuffed he'd found it in the first place.

You make it sound so brilliant, I want otter poo for christmas!

I learnt that when doing the chicken dance to amuse a dog it is better to do it on a flat and stable surface; if you are out to sprain your ankle you should first climb onto a pile of wet stones, then begin your dance.

Yes its pathetic....but true.....

BUT....if I had to deal with mice ANYWHERE I would be in a proper old state!

> To stick with the weightwatchers diet,

Yep that too....it works

>
>

These are hilarious! I love the mouse story!

I've learnt that even the people you looked up to so greatly can retain no ethics whatsoever. Never put people on a pedestal because you can find it crushing when you learn they were never who you thought they were. :(

If you like your cardigan, do not sit on the floor with 6 week old puppies.

Eating a brownie with a Yacult does not balance it out.

The duck-dive-slide works well when the reduced section at Asda is crowded with trollies; always abandon trolley first, not after!

Never let your OH put your clothes away. When you have breasts my size going braless even for ten minutes at 3am for Mrs. Pregnant Pooch to go pee can be very dangerous (to you and the teetering pile of recycling).

Never wear White when dying your hair!!

> You make it sound so brilliant, I want otter poo for christmas!

Sorry, missed the last christmas post but I may be able to arrange something in the New Year :)
(and I bet it will be the strangest request the local wildlife rehab place has ever had).

maybe otter poo is like that civet cat  poo that gives such apparently wonderful  coffee !

...that you can never have too much wrapping paper...

Trusting your old pug cant chase anything anymore....only to find he has a Mole alive in his mouth!
OH MY DAYS!!!!!

when house training a puppy never enter a darkened room without turning on the light first

> when house training a puppy never enter a darkened room without turning on the light first

and never ever go in with bare feet!