I'm seeing it more and more frequently and it just isn't very nice.

On Facebook, being the worst, people talk about this child, that child, how great they are, but only ever mention 1 child.

You know that there is more than 1 child and you just wonder, what about them? It seems a great way to create favourites and problems.
I know that i'd be very p****d off if it were one of my parents go on and on about my sister on fb, how they are doing this that and the other but never mentioning me in any kind of light..

You may have a child who has more in common with you then the others, but I feel that is no excuse... Don't forget if you have more than one child.

Talk about all of them, sing their praises - all of them...

I don't have an FB account so not guilty. :-D

However, just to put a different spin on things :-) Children are different ages and reaching different goals at different times in their life. I know when my eldest passed his exams I was shouting it from the rooftops when he got into his Uni too, we had a big party. I did the same with my youngest when he got his exam results, I've done the same with every goal they have reached, praise and reward is a big factor in our home. My youngest has always been proud of his brother plenty of man hugs go on in our home :-D and vice versa so no problems, if I were on facebook it would be pasted on the pages how proud I was of each child for things they do/did, and there would be a 2yr age gap in praise for these things, there is nothing wrong in praising a child and being proud.

So perhaps you are just reading things to do with age relation and the other child/children will have their time too? :-) Not to mention plenty of praise may go on in the home for the other child/children.

However, I guess your point is what if you had a child who didn't reach those goals like their sibling and never had anything to write about, well then you have a very valid point and I have also seen parents not 'share the love' equally, you should always find something special in every child and make sure they feel loved and treasured, being a parent is hard work sometimes and some parents do forget to include all I agree.

I just think FB is a fickle place and not always a representation of what goes on in the home.

At least I hope so..........

I do have an fb account but I don't see a lot of this going on tbh. I do myself have 2 children, but share the love equally just as parents should. Like the last user posted kids do reach different goals at different ages.
I posted a status recently about my son who's 5 who got an excellent school report. But likewise wen my 18 month old daughter started walking I was just as equally over the moon and posted about that. They both get the same attention and love and would never favour one or the other.
But I see where you are coming from there is a lot of favouritism in this world and fb has got to be one of the worlds worst places!!

What I see a lot of is .. I did this that and the other with said child.. We did this and we did that.. And sooo it goes on.. Never ever any mention of doing anything with the other child, its like they are not there.. Behind closed doors things maybe different, but why keep putting on fb only about 1 child and not the other?
It not all about singing their praises, I should of made that clear..

Maybe I'm feeling a bit sensitive and can see what's happening as this is how I was treated(not on fb), being totally left out because my sister who is younger than me had to be involved in everything that my parents were into as a child and its not changed, rather than finding her own interests and doing things for herself she's joined to the hip with them.. Soo what happens, oh yes my sister is soo wonderful and i'm the one they don't get, so lets not talk about her...

I dont know if I do it, probably with James and not talking about Sam, but James is on FB alot more than Sam, so I put status on there to wind James up when he is at home and I am at work (he is at college so has days off where as Sam is at school)
And as Sam hardly ever goes on Fb some of the thing I would put would be lost as he wouldnt read them.
I do admit to putting more about my partners daughter, but only on the short times we have her!!
Will keep it in mind though Sue xx
Lea xx

> I just think FB is a fickle place and not always a representation of what goes on in the home

Definitely :) An example is that my son posts very, very little on FB, whereas my daughter posts a lot, so my interaction on FB (and I don't post much apart from a few 'likes' and 'comments') is primarily with my daughter. I talk to my son on the phone - we don't put much in the public domain.

Another preconception (?) is that you have to treat your children equally :) :) Well, you do and you don't :) My children are very different people, always have been. We probably spent an awful lot more money on my daughter when she was a child because she wanted things or wanted to do things - my son didn't :) He was more than happy with what he got, both in terms of money spent and also the time we spent with him. We never attempted to equalise things, we just did what was needed for each child. Life is not equal and children have to learn this, so adding up the 'points' 'spent' on each child just doesn't work IMO

Perhaps some children don't want Mum going on about them on FB?

Well then I totally see where your coming from then, if you were treated that way then I suppose you will notice others doing it more than other people would.
I understand what your saying my eldest brother was always golden boy as we all liked to call him and still is now he can't do any wrong! But me n my other brother (who sadly passed away last year) were always the ones in trouble, but as we got older things seemed to change.

> But I see where you are coming from there is a lot of favouritism in this world and fb has got to be one of the worlds worst places

Agree - but you have got to know the family well to know whether it IS favouritism :) :) :)

I suppose it depends on your friends list with fb?  None of mine do this and me included.  My FB account is for me and my friends.  I don't mention my kids on there and I don't post photos of them either.  It is so easy for 'strangers' to get access and therefore access to your kids info and photos.

That is very true! Luckily I dont have it on my fb x

I did this that and the other with said child.. We did this and we did that.. And sooo it goes on.. Never ever any mention of doing anything with the other child, its like they are not there..

Well, if that were the case suejaw being the other child I would feel terribly left out and upset, there may be reasons behind it though perhaps the other child felt left out and so a big effort is being made to make them feel special? Or maybe you are right and blatant favouritism is going on, which is so not right.

My mother always favoured my brothers whilst I was growing up, I was never offered anything first by her always my brothers over me and she was particularly strict and hard with me, as a child I felt that she didn't love me as much as my brothers, as an adult with explanation, she told me that I was my dad's and my grandparents favourite being the only girl :-) and thinking about it we were always joined at the hip and my mother compensated by showing my brothers that they were loved too and putting me last.

Parents screw up badly all the time and your right it does affect us, it made me a mother who has always made sure no child of mine, niece of nephew has ever been shown favouritism, all are equal, all are hugged and loved and made to feel important and listened to.

My mother and I are so close now and see each other almost every day, as a child I would never have believed such a thing could happen, but it took my father dying for that to come about as a parent she felt pushed away from me as I was a daddies girl. :-)

Hopefully, if anyone is doing the same to their child for whatever reason you will make them think about it now. :-)

> It is so easy for 'strangers' to get access and therefore access to your kids info and photos

My children are adults, so no problems there, but you raise an important point :) I'm also appalled at how many young children have FB accounts (I think that FB restricts accounts to those over 13) :( FB just isn't a good place for immaturity :(

> Hopefully, if anyone is doing the same to their child for whatever reason you will make them think about it now

That is all I can ask..

It is more complex than I have stated by what others have said in their posts too, but favouritism does go on and I HATE it.. Some parents don't realise they are doing it, just plain not aware, so hopefully this will give them something to think about.. Then again there are others who are aware of what they are doing and don't care :-(

> Perhaps some children don't want Mum going on about them on FB

LOL, I have to be very careful what I say :) :) I'm amazed what some people DO post on FB :( I'm quite embarassed sometimes and I don't mean 'rude' things, just personal details. Maybe I'm old fashioned about not 'washing your dirty linen in public' :( :(

>>I did this that and the other with said child.. We did this and we did that.. And sooo it goes on.. Never ever any mention of doing anything with the other child, its like they are not there..
>Well, if that were the case suejaw being the other child I would feel terribly left out and upset

Unless, of course, the other child (and I know a couple like this) who hate it when mum or dad mention them on FB because it makes them feel 'uncool'. Not everyone wants to be the centre of attention in public all the time, or be bragged about.

What might be seen as favouring one child might simply be respecting the privacy of another.

>Maybe I'm feeling a bit sensitive and can see what's happening as this is how I was treated(not on fb), being totally left out because my sister who is younger than me had to be involved in everything that my parents were into as a child and its not changed, rather than finding her own interests and doing things for herself she's joined to the hip with them.. Soo what happens, oh yes my sister is soo wonderful and i'm the one they don't get, so lets not talk about her...

suejaw - I could have easily posted that myself!

Sue, do you think Facebook is truly representative of the way people live their lives or manage their relationships with their children?

I'm not a fan of FB (by a long margin!),  but I just don't see it like that. 

I have a friend on facebook who does something very similar; I didn't know she even had another child until she posted a bouquet of flowers from her children. I think the rest of them have grown up and moved out but her daughter has only moved out quite recently. She's also making quite a big deal of herself in a certain industry, but I can't ignore that she's always being spotlighted and wooed on FB...if that was my mum I would feel awful.

My sister in law is about a year older than me (so 21) and already has a set of twins under 2, and a daughter who's 3. She's just announced she may be pregnant again! I'm in such shock, my older sister had her first child at 18 and now has another who's just 2; I feel a little abnormal that I'm not spouting them out. When they ask me 'Oh well you're engaged now, after the wedding you can get pregnant!', and I feel a little ashamed when I say to them 'I don't really want children, I like my dogs enough for now.'
Needless to say, a lot of my school friends have kid (s!) now, and are always asking if I have one. Is it so wrong that I want to wait until 30 before having a child? Is it shameful that I prefer my dogs to children, and would rather have a puppy than a baby?

> Is it so wrong that I want to wait until 30 before having a child

No :) Perfectly normal in my children's generation in my family :) My son and DIL don't intend having children until they are 30 (they married at 25). My nephew has just had his first child at 30 and OH's nephew had his two after 30 :) A lot of couples have enough problems getting a job, staying in the job, getting a home together etc etc before they will consider children :) :) No point having children before you can afford them either financially and emotionally :) :)

Well done for making your own mind up about what is right for you :)

Thank goodness someone else sees it that way! Thank you Daisy!

Is it so wrong that I want to wait until 30 before having a child? Is it shameful that I prefer my dogs to children, and would rather have a puppy than a baby?

Oh, how refreshing, if only more people thought like you, :-)

There is so much more to life than popping out children, I explored the world and focussed on a good career before I had my first child, although having children has never stopped me from living life to the full, I do think you have to discover who you are and live a little before that first child comes along so your mind is in the right place :-)  as from that first bundle of joy, from then on your priorities need to change from yourself to your child/children being the first and foremost thing in your mind. Big responsibility.

Only now that my children have grown can I look forward to not having to plan around the boys, just think in another year or so, we can wake up and say let's go to X place for the weekend with no worries. :-D

It's important IMO to also have that with your hubby/partner before children too, we waited a few years after marriage before contemplating children I fell pregnant within 4 months of us deciding. **Happiest moment of our lives** :-D I love my boys to bits but it feels good to be able to priorities myself again.

I actually feel sad when some of my friends (and family I might add) have a child of 18 and they are getting married and having a first child before 20 and do look at them and think well is that it then? I know they are happy, and would never take that away from anyone, we live our lives how we choose but I can't help but feel they are cheating themselves a little.

I don't have a daughter, but I've drilled into my boys that they should not plan to have a first child until they are at least 26-30yrs and they should live a life without responsibilities first, (even though I'm dying for grandchildren) I'm more than happy to wait. :-)

So don't be pressured once you marry, do it in your own time. :-)

Just because people might comment about one child doesn't mean they don't love both children equally ? 

Having two girls and one who is now in her teenage years I don't spend as much time as we used to as she is always out - really chuffed she has now got a part time job - I didn't post about that cos its not really anyone else's business?  Or perhaps I should to ensure an even spread of 'the love'.

I always post when she gets a letter from the school which usually she does - she has 100% attendance at school for the past five years.

I love it when I can pursuade her to come out to a show or a walk or to lunch with friends.

Sadly she doesn't share as much interest in the dogs as much as she used to? 

I am thankful everyday she is still here having been extremely poorly as a baby with meningitis.

I can't see how not posting every five minutes on FB hardly means she isn't loved as much?

I have to say I had both my children young first at 18 and second at 22, and I wouldn't change that for the world. Im proud of who I am and my children never go without anything, I didn't have to change my life because of them, because I'm pretty boring anyway!! Lol! I walk my dogs and that's as far as it goes!
But don't be pressured by any1 to have children, only you can decide when you want them. And if you want to wait til your 30 then go for it!!
I must admit in my opinion puppies are much easier than babies!