I went to visit my best friend and her family yesterday; I took Tilly as I am trying to socialise her and as my friend has a 5 year old and a baby I thought it would be good for my 9 week old puppy to see different children (I have a nearly 3 year old and she is great with him). When I arrived the 5 year old opened the door looked at Tilly and screamed. He then ran upstairs and would only pop down occasionally. The only time he went near Tilly was when she fell asleep. The reason he was so panicy was that my friend had been telling him for the past 2 days that I was bringing this huge monster of a dog over, that she was going to be massive etc when she grew up, that she is scary and may bite etc etc.

Tilly is a 9 week old Bullmastiff so she isn't the smalllest puppy in the world but still terrifying your child that this puppy was a monster has me really upset. I haven't said anything to her yet as I was hoping for some advice on here; well to check I wasn't over reacting. Its not the first time she has done things like this - her 5 year old is scared of pretty much everything due to the way she talks to him (He is scared of heights, mud, etc etc). I dont know if I should say something and if I do how do I phrase it? Telling a 5 year old that my puppy is going to hurt him is not on; as I look after him so he will be with Tilly about 1-2 times a month.

So am I over reacting?

(He is scared of heights, mud, etc etc). 

Blimey, I always thought little boys lived in mud. :-D

Oh dear, the mother is a real worry wart isn't she, not good to install fear in our children, I'm a very protective mum but installing fear is really not great parenting.

You can't change the mother at present and she may well take offense, people do get offended so easily, but lucky little boy gets you twice a month so you can install better practices into the child, myself I would have laughed and turned the reaction into a joke, saying something like silly billy. Though puppies do nip, scratch and tug, luckily Tilly didn't play with him, he would have thought she was trying to eat him, mind you screaming at her probably didn't do pup any good either.

Just stay upbeat and supervise well and the child will learn from what he experiences, he will make his own mind up about things and probably tell his mum that Tilly is a good, nice dog. :-)

oh dear I feel so sorry for both you and her child. Its horrid when someone takes an instant wrong dislike to your dogs having  agsd I know how you must feel
Mum does seem imo to be a bit over protective. Sounds to me like you are going to haveto have a chat with your friend as to how she want sthis managed. Is she ok with dogs generally how was she with Tilly. The child does need to see the adults being confident and as you will have to point out this is going to be hopeless if the child is coming regulalry to your house
Perhaps a re run of the whole situation maybe this time out in the park or  in your house. Can you meet with a couple of people with young children who do get on with dogs.
I really feel mum needs to have a serious rethink and take the lead for her child

No I don't think you are at all, I'd be pretty narked too. I can't even understand why your friend would want to deliberatly make her child so fearful, she's setting him up to have all sorts of hang ups and phobia's, would she rather a child who can deal with the world and all the weird and wonderful experiences he'll encounter, or a child who can't cope with the slightest little upset, she's really not doing him any favours, and is even putting him in danger by encouraging such an extreme reaction to the sight of a dog.
As an example, a few weeks ago as it was getting dark, I had the dogs in the field across the road from me, a ( at a guess ) 12 yr old girl was walking down the pavement, Ben and Spud started to have a game with each other which involved a bit of barking, the girl let out such an ear piercing scream it made the dogs freeze in their tracks, she also jumped onto the very busy main road, I should point out that the dogs were nowhere near her, it's a big field. Luckily for her there weren't any cars going past, I asked her in my best school mam voice, what on earth she was screaming at ?, she replied she was terrified of dogs and thought the dogs were coming for her. Poor girl could have ended up being run over.

Some mother/some friend!! I would be very careful about minding this child if his mother has some very misguided views then how is she likely to react when he comes home and tells his mum that your puppy played rough/accidentally knocked him over (and puppies do play rough/get overexcited in fact need to play rough to learn bite inhibition). 5 year olds like to exaggerate!

> So am I over reacting?

No!  But we're all different.  I come from a family where mum and sister don't like animals.  Because they're dirty.  (I actually don't believe that I came from this family - they were given the wrong baby in hospital.)

My sisters 6 year old stood screaming and petrified when they came into my living room and met.................  an 8 week old Toy Poodle!

She said "Take it away, I don't like it!"  I blame the parents every time.

> I look after him so he will be with Tilly about 1-2 times a month.
>
>

ask her quite how you can do this without shutting Tilly out of her own home while the child is there

Also with a baby does she have a health visitor or similar you could maybe have a word with as her attitude is setting up the kids for a 'deprived' life with all her restrictions

her 5 year old is scared of pretty much everything due to the way she talks to him (He is scared of heights, mud, etc etc)

My first reaction would be to say "do your puppy a favour and take it to see a child whose head isn't being filled with nonsense" but then I see that you actually look after this child a couple of times a month! I do feel sorry for the boy--how is he ever going to manage if his mother is planting this irrational ideas in his mind? I'm not sure what you can do without tackling the real problem, other than to remind the boy that your puppy is just a baby, and that when he and the puppy are both grown up there's no question that he will still be bigger. Can you involve him in training the puppy, maybe help him to teach the puppy to lie down, or roll over, so that the puppy on the floor continues to look small to him? Good luck...

Definitely with you on this one all the way :) :) :) my family definitely got the wrong baby too

No I don't think you are upset for no reason.
As a mother I really can't understand why your friend would set her child up for a possible huge phobia of dogs? Is she fearful of dogs herself?
Teaching children to respect all animals, especially ones that could grow to a substantial size IS necessary but scaring the living day lights out of them isn't!!!
If I were you I would calmly point out that if SHE doesn't correct this problem then she will find herself stuck without a babysitter!!!! ;-) that might get her attention LOL
Good luck, hope your little puppy hasn't been put off kids.
Paula xxx

Strangely enough she isn't at all scared of dogs; she sat playing with Tilly for ages and she loved my last dog. She is considering getting a Husky (Malamute x siberian) from a friend of hers so I have no idea why she is setting her son up to be scared of my puppy. Her son is also scared of my nearly 3 year old son as he "plays too rough" - noone else has ever complained. She also kept saying that her daughter (3months) would be riding Tilly like a horse once her daughter is old enough so it seems to be one rule for her son and one for her daughter. She does have an inconsistant parenting technique though in other things my Hubby hates the way she is bringing her son up and will try everyone else before we ask her to baby sit our son! Still for all her wierdness she is my best friend so I have to make it work!
I am fortunate in the fact that Tilly loves my son I just wanted to add an older child and a baby into the mix to let Tilly experience alot of different children. Poor Tilly just didn't understand why this child screamed and ran away - she tried to follow until he went upstairs then she came over to me.

I know about the whole changling child thing too - my mum and sister are OCD on cleaning and I had to fight to get pets when I was a child they just cant see the positive aspects of having a pet. I am definately not ocd on cleaning (not dirty but dont mind when things are not in their right place and will only swwp/hoover once a day unlike them).

>>If I were you I would calmly point out that if SHE doesn't correct this problem then she will find herself stuck without a babysitter!!!!  that might get her attention LOL>>

I was thinking why would she leave her child with you with that attitude to dogs???

And no you didn't over react I'd have been annoyed too!!

>I thought it would be good for my 9 week old puppy to see different children

In theory yes it is a good idea to see different children BUT your pups careful socialisation is your responsibility and you need to consider what she is exposed to.   Kids and dogs both need a bit of training around each other and you need the parents on side if you are going to make it work.

I'd probably have left pretty smartish and wouldn't go back until I'd had reassurance that the puppy was welcome.  I'd also remind her that the puppy now lives in your home and if your friend wants her son looked after by you then she is going to need to socialise him too!!

I suspect I'm going through an intolerant grumpy phase at the moment but I'm amazed at some peoples attitude to puppies:(

No I agree you aren't over reacting, this is your best friend???? What a way to bring up fearful children!  I can recall when I had a young (6 month) GSD and held an 'office party' inviting everyone plus families... one person asked if I would shut my dog away as his child was frightened.  I said no, that it was her house and as a friendly pup she would be perfect to introduce his son to.  Apparently his family shut their dogs away when they visit which for me just encouraged the problem.  Anyway they didn't come but one colleague did bring his son and although he was amazed at the size of the 'puppy' they spent the entire time playing in the garden having a great time.  Both respected each other.  We kept an eye on them of course.

> Poor Tilly just didn't understand why this child screamed and ran away - she tried to follow until he went upstairs then she came over to me.
>

I know it's not nice getting this sort of reaction, but in way it's a good thing. You ARE going to come accross children and adults that act like this when your pup is grown up, it's good for her to experience these bizarre outbursts (as long as you are carefull not to mollycoddle her, make out it's no big deal and reward any calm/positive reactions).

I'm sorry to say, that when you have a very large dog like yours, you really have to get used to this sort of thing alot, aswell as over-hearing poeple telling thier kids to stay away from the 'big, vicous, dog' (even if it is the most well-behaved dog in public for miles around!) :( :(

Try not to let it get to you, you can't change everybody else, but you can make sure that even negative reactions from people are turned into a positive training/socialisation opportunity for pup :)

Why not do what I did?  My 'lovely' SIL had terrified my newphew around dogs so he was developing an actual fear.  She's not scared of dogs but her mum is so he was learning this behaviour from her and my SIL thought by encouraging the fear, she would keep him away from 'strays' and dogs he doesn't know.  I told her that SHE would need to correct this fear and he wasn't welcome in my home till she did.  She needed me to babysit a couple of days a week while she was at work, but I wasn't willing to either cage my dogs or keep them outside while he was here as this is there home.  She needed me so she started to fix it.  He's better but not great and it doesn't help that my oldie hates him!

>In theory yes it is a good idea to see different children BUT your pups careful socialisation is your responsibility and you need to consider what she is exposed to.   Kids and dogs both need a bit of training around each other and you need the parents on side if you are going to make it work.

As we visit there often and I used to take Kes who was a GSD X I didn't expect a problem. My friend, her husband and the 3 month old were great, they were welcoming to her and played with her (well the 3 month old was introduced and encouraged to touch Tilly) it was just the 5 year old that she was encouraging to be scared. Very wierd but as I say I dont agree with some of her parenting choices but I just didn't see this one coming!

My 'lovely' SIL had terrified my newphew around dogs so he was developing an actual fear.  She's not scared of dogs but her mum is so he was learning this behaviour from her and my SIL thought by encouraging the fear, she would keep him away from 'strays' and dogs he doesn't know.

As she isn't scared of dogs herself and is considering getting a Husky - which I am discouraging as I dont think they will be able to cope - I cant see why she is teaching her son to be scared of my dog but I will see what I can do to correct the behaviour next time we visit in about a weeks time.

I did expect strangers to be a bit put off by Tilly when she is fully grown but not my friend when Tilly is still a puppy.