The Rocking Song
Little Jesus, sweetly sleep, do not stir;
We will lend a coat of fur,
We will rock you, rock you, rock you,
We will rock you, rock you, rock you:

Fur is no longer appropriate wear for small infants, both due to
risk of allergy to animal fur, and for ethical reasons. Therefore faux
fur, a nice cellular blanket or perhaps micro-fleece material should be
considered a suitable alternative.

Please note, only persons who have been subject to a Criminal
Records Bureau check and have enhanced clearance will be permitted to
rock baby Jesus. Persons must carry their CRB disclosure with them at
all times and be prepared to provide three forms of identification
before rocking commences.

Jingle Bells
Dashing through the snow
In a one horse open sleigh
O'er the fields we go
Laughing all the way

A risk assessment must be submitted before an open sleigh is
considered safe for members of the public to travel on. The risk
assessment must also consider whether it is appropriate to use only one
horse for such a venture, particularly if passengers are of larger
proportions. Please note, permission must be gained from landowners
before entering their fields. To avoid offending those not participating
in celebrations, we would request that laughter is moderate only and not
loud enough to be considered a noise nuisance.

While Shepherds Watched
While shepherds watched
Their flocks by night
All seated on the ground
The angel of the Lord came down
And glory shone around

The union of Shepherds has complained that it breaches health
and safety regulations to insist that shepherds watch their flocks
without appropriate seating arrangements being provided, therefore
benches, stools and orthopaedic chairs are now available. Shepherds have
also requested that due to the inclement weather conditions at this time
of year that they should watch their flocks via cctv cameras from
centrally heated shepherd observation huts.
Please note, the angel of the lord is reminded that before
shining his / her glory all around she / he must ascertain that all
shepherds have been issued with glasses capable of filtering out the
harmful effects of UVA, UVB and Glory.

Rudolph the red nosed reindeer
Rudolph, the red-nosed reindeer
had a very shiny nose.
And if you ever saw him,
you would even say it glows.

You are advised that under the Equal Opportunities for All
policy, it is inappropriate for persons to make comment with regard to
the ruddiness of any part of Mr. R. Reindeer. Further to this, exclusion
of Mr R Reindeer from the Reindeer Games will be considered
discriminatory and disciplinary action will be taken against those found
guilty of this offence. A full investigation will be implemented and
sanctions - including suspension on full pay - will be considered whilst
this investigation takes place.

Little Donkey
Little donkey, little donkey on the dusty road
Got to keep on plodding onwards with your precious load

The RSPCA have issued strict guidelines with regard to how heavy
a load that a donkey of small stature is permitted to carry, also
included in the guidelines is guidance regarding how often to feed the
donkey and how many rest breaks are required over a four hour plodding
period. Please note that due to the increased risk of pollution from the
dusty road, Mary and Joseph are required to wear face masks to prevent
inhalation of any airborne particles. The donkey has expressed his
discomfort at being labelled 'little' and would prefer just to be simply
referred to as Mr. Donkey. To comment upon his height or lack thereof
may be considered an infringement of his equine rights.

We Three Kings
We three kings of Orient are
Bearing gifts we traverse afar
Field and fountain, moor and mountain
Following yonder star

Whilst the gift of gold is still considered acceptable - as it
may be redeemed at a later date through such organisations as 'cash for
gold' etc, gifts of frankincense and myrrh are not appropriate due to
the potential risk of oils and fragrances causing allergic reactions. A
suggested gift alternative would be to make a donation to a worthy cause
in the recipients name or perhaps give a gift voucher.
We would not advise that the traversing kings rely on navigation
by stars in order to reach their destinations and suggest the use of RAC
routefinder or satellite navigation, which will provide the quickest
route and advice regarding fuel consumption. Please note as per the
guidelines from the RSPCA for Mr Donkey, the camels carrying the three
kings of Orient will require regular food and rest breaks. Facemasks for
the three kings are also advisable due to the likelihood of dust from
the camels hooves.

lol :) the world is certainly getting that way !

I like that but sadly the world is going that way I do agree x

slightly off topic but have read in the paper of a group of health experts (dangerous people experts !) who have decided that Father Christmas is bad role model for children due to :- " He is obese, drives when drunk, wears no seat belt or safety helmet , speeds, disregard for the highway code, extreme sports such as roof surfing and chimney jumping"
I had to check the date on my calendar for April 1, hopefully this was tongue in cheek or we must be doomed to drown in health and safety LOL