Hello all

I have in the last 12mnths split from my long term partner, we have two dogs which we both love and neither one is giving up (nightmare)  anyway for last few months, Ive been having them on my days off and hes been having them on his days off, which was working ok.
However now my ex has become awkward and is constantly harrassing me and turning up with the dogs when he knows im on my way to work etc...(on purpose to make life hard for me) anyway ive had enough and basically need to get away from him , so reluctantly have agreed to have one dog each which is heartbreaking enough

Ive got my lad with me and he is good as gold but I have a problem in leaving him when I go to work, I work 3 10 hr shifts a week on the evenings, obviously i woujldnt dream of leaving him for that length of time so have got a dog walker to come in midway and dwalk him for an hour, but im still not happy leaving him for so long, he is also very cling and gets upset when left and does steal as much as he can get and rip things up, last night i returned home to four shredded loo rolls, bookcase emptied and books eaten, drawers opened and he had eaten all the treats and a bag of bird seed, none of which im bothered about im more worried about him harming himself.

What on earth can I do ?  I have to go to work, there is a possibility I could change my shifts to full nights so im thinking wouljd he be ok then as its nighttime and maybe he would sleep ?   I dont see what alternatives i have, ideally id like someone to come and sit with him a few hrs but dont know anyone who cud do this
some people at work take the dogs with them and leave them in the car going out to them everyhour and letting them run round the grassed areas but i dont like the idea of shutting a dog in the car

Any suggestions ????????????  Oh and by the way before i go to work, i take him a 2hr run as late as possible to tire him out, but it doesnt seem to make any difference

Thanks in advance

Hi There

Sorry you're in this horrible situation :(

My friend adopted a greyhound who becomes very distressed when she's out working. So, she takes him to a boarding kennel on a daily basis where he is walked twice a day and watches all the comings and goings at the kennels. Most of the time he wanders about with the kennel owner as he is so well known and comfortable there.

Not a cheap option, I think she is in the region of £200 a month.

Perhaps others will have other solutions which will suit you better

xx

similar to colliecrews idea, a relative of mine has dogs stay at her house for long or short stays, one dog she has is dropped off by the owner in the morning, and then collected on the way home from work, down here it costs around £8 per day, your dog would have company while you are at work and walks :)

That would be ideal if he could stay with someone whilst im out, how do i find someone like that though?    I had considered kennels but he would be distressed i know as he s never been in kennels 

I have 5 dogs who come in weekly for this service, they come in around 7.30am, and leave around 6pm, there walked 3 times and fed before going home.
You could try your local pet supplier/vets for recommendations.

Unfortunately the OP works 3 NIGHTS so I don't think kennels are feasible.

As it is nights when he should be sleeping most of it, I think the distress is due more to the upheaval and loss of a canine companion too.

Having someone in to take him our before his bed time and settle him makes more sense.

Sounds like he isn't confined to one room, which would make him stay calmer, too much freedom can allow them to work themselves up more.

It is an option to change to full nights as yes, he probably would sleep, however, for this arrangement to work you would need to be up all day with him to give him the necessary care attention and walks etc so i dont think that is a workable solution for you.
What hours do you do at present on an evening shift (companies vary what they consider a 'night shift') . Im sure there is a solution to this even if it meant a bit of work finding kennels/boarders that could have him.
Where abouts in the country are you?

I'd think the 3 nights would be better for the dog than full time.

The only thing with full nights is the length of time you might be away. My dogs wouldn't manage 10 hours without the toilet.

Many kennels are much more flexible with their arrangements than just being 9-5. For example, the kennel my friend uses allow her to drop the dog off in his kennel and collect him without the kennel owner being present. This is because she doesn't work standard 9-5 hours and will frequently be away very early morning or late evening.

I guess it would be a case of phoning around local kennels and discussing your situation and what options might be feasible.

xx

> My dogs wouldn't manage 10 hours without the toilet.
>

But this is only 3 nights a week so someone letting the dog out for a wee at bedtime three times a week would be far more affordable and the dog would have the owner for a full 4 days a week.

I don't suppose it would do any good to ask the ex to act like an adult and go back to the 'days off' arrangement, for the sake of the dogs' wellbeing? Men!!

All dogs are different.  My girls would, seemingly, gladly go 40 hours without going out in the rain to toilet.  Yes they do go out - both for walks and in the garden BUT I have to force these in the rain and if I don't watch them they'll 'pretend to go out and ask to come back in without going!  Dainty little things aren't they - not. 
If you have arrangements for someone to come in regularly to take yours out then I agree that 3 full nights are better than full-time 5 days.  You'll have so much other time to give him and enjoy him.  I also imagine that you don't do a full 8 hours sleep all at once, but even if you did so long as your dog's exercised, mentally challenged, tired and interacted with, especially before you go out, he should do well.
I think you may have another problem in that you must be stressed with your break-up and this will tranfer to your dog along with its own confusion over missing people and doggie friend.  These upsets will right themselves if you give both of you time to recover and try to stop worrying. 
Confining your dog to one room may restrict bad behaviours and also reduce your stress levels.  This can have a positive snowball effect ie your stress reduces - your dog's stress reduces and so on.

Perhaps if you contact some local dog walking people/companies they might know someone that would come in with him for some company/let him out etc..  or perhaps put some adverts in your local shops?

Don't you think that he may just be missing your other dog and just need some time to settle?

Hi there, thankyou everyone for your replies

I currently work 3 10hr shifts, 1600 - 0200 , this week I havev gotten a dog walker to come in and walk him at 8pm, the most she would do is 40mins which as long as she did walk him for 40mins should have been ok, I did expect my boy to get some items which he did as he is a thief anyway but I was more upset when he saw me he was howling and yelping and took him a while to calm down and i felt really guilty for leaving him.
I did give him the full run of the house as thought it woujld be kinder but maybe youre right and he woujld be better in one room.

I have a possibility of changing to later shifts, full nights 2100 0700 so im wondering because this is the time he is normally asleep would it be better ?   There is no chance of the ex coming to help
The kennel idea woujld havre been the best but with my hours doubt would be possible 

Beth

I have a possibility of changing to later shifts, full nights 2100 0700 so im wondering because this is the time he is normally asleep would it be better ? 

Ahhh.......... but would he sleep better or being on his own would he just 'cat nap' :-D  having one eye on the door awaiting your arrival home?

If the dog walker will only do 40 mins at 8pm how would that work even later?

Would they entertain coming to even walk your dog or would it just be a garden let out for him to relieve himself somewhere between 9pm-7am? With travel time lets say 30 mins each way, he will be left for approx 11hours. He won't be able to last until 7.30am in the morning even with a good walk before you leave. You may well take him for a nice walk when you get in at 7.30am but of course you will need to then sleep for 7+ hours when you get home. Meaning he has to sleep the night shift and the morning too perhaps without a good walk if you go straight to bed.

I personally think the other routine will work better for your dog, he gets more out time.  You leave with travel for work at approx 3.30pm he will then have a dog walker to look forward to, to give him a longish walk at 8pm, you then return home at approx 2.30am to let him out again, he will then sleep soundly as you are home and it is still dark, and you will be waking up in the morning still.

I just think that your dog will be more relaxed with you home from 2.30am.

But, of course do what will make you less tired, your dog will get used to any routine, I'm just worried about him not having the dog walker the other way around, as you will need to sleep in the morning aswell.

Also agree safe containment not making his own entertainment, a bored dog will make his own whether that is barking at every shadow and movement or finding things to destroy, if contained in a safe area, it makes no difference.

Good luck, at least it is only 3 days, he will get used to things either way. :-)

Hi
I too work evenings and I sometimes nights too. I do find that (Although OH is there overnight) The girlies are just happy for me to be in the house even if I have worked a night and want to sleep. I think the night shift would be better for him. 9pm (Or 8.30 as no doubt you need to leave about then) till 7.30am is sleepy time and I would expect that with a good run before and a full tummy he will settle with time. I expect he is missing his usuall routine and it will take time to settle. It may not be perfect but better to be alone overnight than during the day when he needs something to occupy his mind. I would change if I were you. Then start a routien you mean to follow. Make it different to the days you don't work so he knows which nights are work nights, Give him lots of mental stimulation and excersise during the day, a good tea, then make preperation for work (My girlies know my "Uniform" and know when I have it on then I am off to work) Maybe a last trot round the block (So to speak) then a comfy bed a good chew or a filled kong and off to work. When you come home in the morning a nice walk to start his day and round yours off then brekki and a few of hours kip for you. (I tend to sleep on the sofa as my girlies do not go upstairs but if he will sleep with you then off to beddybyes!!) and he will settle in time to his new routine. Just a thought, do you do three nights in one block or is it possible to split them? I know most like to get the nights over in one block but I find if I have more then one in a week I split them and have a night on then one to sleep then one on and so on. It helps me not to get too tired if I have to loose a lot of sleep some days? I think containing him in one room will be better as well...damage limitation!!!
Good luck with whatever you choose to do.
Aileen

PS My girlies can go 10 hours and frequently do..without a pee, thier choice not mine!! The big girls will piont blank refuse to pee on thier last trip to the garden at 11pm having "Gone" after tea, and will often not go out in the morning when the door is open but choose to wait till we get to the walk at about 9am. The pup is a little different but she is only 10 months still and will pee for England still!!!

I know you said that other people take their dogs to work in the car and let them out every hour.

I am never keen to do this as I don't like leaving my dogs unattended when it might get hot with the sun or people are walking around and can see him.

However, working through the night, I may well consider this if everything else failed. No hot sun. Ability to take him out regularly. Use of something such as a boot lock with open windows for fresh air. Comfy beds.

One concern might be the area your car would be parked in. Is it secure? Are there people wandering around through the night? Can you see the car from your workplace?

Hi

Sorry no advice as i've never worked nights but i do admire your commitment to your dog, i hope your ex is giving the same to the one he took.

Hope it all works out

Hi, I would never leave him in the car in the sun, i have a big volvo estate and he could have a quilt in the back but dont think could leave him in car a fiull ten hours? although like i say he cud have an hour walk at lunch and several breaks either side.!
I work at a police station! lol  so yes its a very secure place with huge grass areas!

I was thinking about keeping him in the car for part shift,, then driving home in my lunch hour and leaving him for the last 5hrs?  I just cant decide what is best for him and am getting very worked up about it

thanks !  I do always put my dogs first, and although My ex has been unpleasant to me he loves the dogs and i know he will be looking after the other one as much as i do mine, just a shame he had to wreck our dog sharing agreement which both dogs were happy with!!  Bloody men

Just an idea, what about the Police kennels do they have any still where you work? you could pop in and out then to see him.

If you go for the night shift (rather than evening shift) I would go for the car option to be honest. A duvet in the spacious back, frequent runs on grassy areas, fresh water at hand, home in the morning for a nice long walk and then into bed with Mum sounds the ticket! And a police station where you won't be bothered by idiots who might torment the dog!

IMO the idea of working all night with the dog safe in your car, you can go and let him out for a run around at your break times, would work well. He would probably settle ok in the car, being used to being left in there occasionally. My dog often sleeps in his crate in the car if we are away from home, so long as in a safe place it is fine, because it doesn't get too hot in a car at night.

Is there any possibility you could actually keep him at work with you, especially on a night shift, if he would settle under your desk.

I would try each of the different options you have and see which one works the best for you and your dog. It may be that you could implement all the options - perhaps take him with you one night and have a dog walker walk him on another, have him for part of the night and then take him home on the next night etc and see which one works best for you .

There is another poster on here who works nights and has several dogs. She has managed to make it work brilliantly and hopefully she will be along at some time and tell you how she works the situation so successfully.

I myself have recently returned to work full time following the sad loss of my husband. Our dogs have always had someone at home with them and I was really worried how they would cope with me working much longer hours but they have settled into their new routine really well. It is not always easy to juggle their requirements with mine but it is all working out brilliantly and hopefully will continue to do so. Sometines we have no option but to change our normal routine but most dogs will adapt to it - it takes a lot of planning and jiggling of arrangements but it can work and hopefully you will be able to work out a routine that suits you. Good luck :-)

My aunt when she had a dog had an older lady that loved the company and used to potter around with the dog, she picked the dog up on her way home.
Cant you advertise for a dog sitter, I know its hit and miss but you may strike lucky with an older person that would love a dog for company but owning one is to expensive? just a thought.

I really feel for you, meadowhay, this is very hard on you, not just your dog--I've been there too on occasion. I have 3 dogs, and have tried 2 in a very large crate plus 1 in the livingroom, all 3 out together in the livingroom and just the baby (4.5 months) in the crate by himself with the two adults in the livingroom. Whatever the arrangement, the baby makes the most awful squalling when I get back, and the adults have licked my glasses off, clung onto my coat and generally shared their desperate happiness to see me again. The way they are confined doesn't seem to make a difference to the jumping around and noise really, they just have to let it out. I do find that if I just take it as calmly as possible (as calmly as you can with 50+ kilo of dog coming at you at top speed), put down whatever I'm carrying and go back into the kitchen to immediately sort out their tea (a nice raw egg or some tiny treat buried in the bowl helps!) that has a mild calming effect. Then they can all come out for a quick walk and then we can talk about the day we've had. I do wonder whether the neighbours suffer from the noise but no one has said anything yet. Then again, I also have 26 assorted hens and cockerels plus three extremely loud call ducks, so perhaps the dogs aren't such a problem.

Apropos of not much, my mother is a great friend to dogs but at 77 and after a lifetime of living with them doesn't want one of her own because she feels she might not cope in bad weather (NY winters). However, my brother's girlfriend has a lovely little Bolognese who adores my mother and they are both thrilled whenever she has him over to dogsit (3-4 times a week). Maybe there is someone in a similar position who can help you but also benefit from the love a dog can give--I hope so, and good luck.

It's so difficult isn't it?

I frequently find myself turning down social invites as I feel my dogs have been home too much alone and need some quality time! A single parent isn't always easy eh?!

I think I've gone past that stage, colliecrew...given the choice of my dog or my partner, I made the obvious choice and now have three dogs to share my life...I'm everlastingly grateful to them for giving me so much to look forward to every day.

Hi all, and thanks so much for all your replies!  It does really help talking to someone (my Ex has alienated me away from all my friends!)

The latest on my dilemma is that tonight I am taking my boy to work with me!  Friday night and last night I did two 6 hr overtime shifts from 2100 -0300 thinking it would be a good tester to see if he sleeps on nights before i change my hours!  - He doesnt.
I got home both nights to utter devastation, although i had shut all the room doors and just given him access to the kitchen and hall he had opened all the doors gone in every room and had allsorts, boxes shredded, every drawer in the kitchen open, fridge open and food gone, bedroom drawers open and all my clothes out in a pile and i was greeted by him with the toilet brush in his mouth frantically wagging and making his glad to see you noise, felt awful, he really panics when im not there.

He had had a 3hr walk all free running on moors before i left him so this doesnt make a difference either!

So im just hoping this will work this evening, got him  a nice new big double duvet for back of the car, will take him a bone and some toys, will let himout every two hours and will walk him for an hour at lunch, he is usually ok in the car and normally sleeps.

Just hope he'll be ok, does this sound alright ??

In the meantime going to put an ad somwhere to see if i cud find someone to sit with him for maybe a few hrs on the evening, although im thinking this is going to be v expensive. 

At the end of the day its only 3 nights i work and the oher 4 days he'll have me constant and will have a nice time, still feel so guilty though and stressed and think im probably passing it on to him

Thanks again !

> the oher 4 days he'll have me constant

If he is with you 24/7 on these days he could be even worse when you work. Use the days to get him used to a bit of time on his own. use a gate so he can see you but not follow you from room to room, go out the front door and then back in - without any fuss to or from him. He will poss only cope with 5mins to start but you can build up gradually.
Chris

> got him  a nice new big double duvet for back of the car,

Can I suggest you look at a crate for your vehicle.  We once had a dog that behaved brilliantly in the car.  One day we left him in the back with all the right precautions (or so we thought).  20 minutes later after a speedy lunch and toilet break we went back to find both headrests shredded and a very pleased woofer with fluff in his chops!  Not ideal for any reason but could have had serious consequences if he'd actually tried to eat the stuffing.

Take care with duvets too - vet fleece might be safer.

Good luck with your plans

agree with dogs a babe wouldnt leave him alone in the car if he is a destructful dog , a friend of mine dane caused havoc left in her van.

A crate as big as you can get into your vehicle with some indestructable :) toys and a non spill bowl of water, dont know what breed of dog you have or which area you live in but I would also keep an eye on the temperatures this time of year as it can get very cold ..you could run the heating for a bit occasionally .

Sorry I havn't read the full thread, but noticed that you say he had three hours of running on the moors before you left him and it made no difference. Have you tried mental stimulation, he is obviously a very fit boy and I have found that the more exercise you give in an attempt to tire them out, the fitter they get. I have found that ten minutes of brain work is more tiring than an hours free running. Clicker training is great for mentally tiring a dog, and good fun at the same time.

> I have found that ten minutes of brain work is more tiring than an hours free running

Agree with Goldiemad on this one.  My Border Collie thrives when I ask him to use his brain.

Ditto - I've found with all of mine that the more exercise I give the more they need - and the more excitable they get.  Border Collies especially need lots of mental  workouts to create tiredness, after all they are bred to work semi independently as well as running the hills and dales all day.  Possibly 3 hours on the hills is over-stimulating your dog, a quiet on-lead walk with some training may tire and relax more than the free running.
I've heard about T Touch massage technique too - never used it but believe it can help relax dogs - you could try googling it.
The warnings re leaving your dog in the car ring alarm bells with me:  I had one dog who practically ripped my car to shreds.  I did get on good terms with the local scrap dealers replacing chewed up seatbelts etc - I became a dab hand at that sort of work too LOL.