Ohh I am so stuck right now.

My boyfriend and I are splitting up and as well as leaving me with the flat, our mortgage and all the bills he is also leaving me with the dogs.  I love them massive amounts and I am glad they are staying but i'm sitting here working out my budget and although I can afford their food and insurance the bit that tops me over the edge to actually having minus amounts of money, is the £240 we pay the dogwalker.

We got a dog walker as we moved from London, where it was quick and easy to get to and from work, down to south east essex, where my journey time is an hour and a half.  I felt they were going to be left alone too long so we pay some guy to get them monday to friday and walk them for an hour.  he is used to dogs, which is good, as one of mine is not friendly and it took a lot of work for the dogwalker to be able to safely take them out.  They love him and it eases my mind.

My ex has said that as they are his dogs he will pay me £200 per month to use for the dogwalker.  As long as he does this, it will be fine. I will just about scrape by.  however judging on recent experiences I think I need to account for the fact that he may  not do this for long. 

If he doesn't I don't know what to do.  i can't have a dog flap as they enjoy racing into the garden and trying to dig through to the next door garden or barking loudly if they hear voices.  I can take them for a walk before work but I don't drive and there are no parks within walking distance - plus i have to take them separately - so its a walk round the block and i feel that would be a bit rubbish for them.  And then i am at work all day and not back til about 7ish. 

i really do feel quite close to tears, its all so difficult, how long do you leave your dogs for, do you work - anyone got any advice?

If they are his dogs, then he should be the one arranging their welfare & not you.    To 'offer' to give you £200 towards what is £240 dog walking costs is not on in my book, he gives you all their costs - dog walker, feeding, vets bills etc.     You don't need the extra worry on top of a sudden financial change.  I would tell him, that he has to pay up in advance for everything or you will have to make the decision to rehome them.    In your circumstances it's only fair.  You are out far too long to leave them all day and expect them to remain quiet/clean/non-destructive.

Well thats where he's got me really, i'd never rehome them, they are my family, I will struggle along rather than get rid of them.  Plus he won't actually have all that money, its the reason i have got them rather than him, as bless em, they are quite expensive and a) he couldn't take them to a new flat where he will rent a room and b) he couldn't afford all the stuff they need.  (nor can i but at least they can eat and be insured here).

The joke is, if one of them wasn't aggressive i could rent my second room out and actually we could all live quite nicely together!!

No advice i am afraid , but i do think part of being a responsible owner is to know when you are not giving them a good enough home and when they would be better off with someone else .
I am not suggesting you re-home , just that you look at it from their point and what would they want .

Hope you sort this out soon so that you feel happier in yourself .  

> Well thats where he's got me really, i'd never rehome them, they are my family, I will struggle along rather than get rid of them.

Sorry to say this but it sounds like he knows this & is taking full advantage of that fact and shirking his responsibility.  Why should you get yourself into debt over his dogs because that's how it will end up.

Jodenice,

Do you not have any friends who get on with the dogs that could move in?
How about if you advertise for the room to be rented out for dog lover, you never know with patience your dog who has a few problems like the dog walker had may not be a problem after all.
Its only a thought, as you managed to battle through with the dog walker, why not a lodger?

Another question is the Mtg in just your name or his as well? If his as well he should be paying half your mtg, i think maybe heading to an independent financial advisor might also be an option as well, there maybe some way of bringing down the mtg payments or something else which you'd not thought about..

i know, but the thing is - one of them is fear aggressive, especially with new people - I'm not sure he could be rehomed easily.  And i'd explore all other possibilities rather than lose them, I've got a nice flat here with a big garden, i think i'm just going to have to either get up at stupid o clock so i can get them down the beach - its too far away to take one at a time so i will have to learn to take them together.  i know they snooze most of the time here, maybe I can get up early, take them out then feed them, rush back hour, change for work, go to work, rush back and get them out again.

*bangs head on desk*

I feel like i have made my boyf out to be a horrible person and he's not, but he earns less than I do and I'll struggle, its the only worry i've got about us splitting up.  gah.

No, i am thinking though about this, about getting someone in who loves dogs.  He's incredibly unpredictable though so it would take a long time. 

re mortgage payments - all I can say is - dont take housing advice from me!!  i bought in the boom, got a fixed rate for FIVE YEARS and watched everyone elses interest rates drop!!  I'm stuck like this for the next four years, theres no way out as I am now in negative equity.  it never rains but it pours... 

If this helps i know someone who works during the day, she also gets up at silly o'clock and walks her dogs for a good hour, goes home gets ready for work and goes out.
She then gets back and then is straight out for the dogs evening walk again.
Both her dogs are adults and have adapted to this daily routine and sleep during the day when she is not there.

It's not ideal, but her dogs are fine with this, some breeds and dogs wouldn't be and destruction, barking etc would follow.

> i know they snooze most of the time here, maybe I can get up early, take them out then feed them, rush back hour, change for work, go to work, rush back and get them out again.
>
>

In theory it's still too long a day but what happens if you get delayed travelling home?   

I would explore the 'dog friendly lodger' option, you may get someone who the dogs will trust & who may help with the walking too?    

What a predicament for you, so sorry to hear about your relationship breakdown & the financial worries you're having - I heard a story about young people who've split up but have to continue living together as they can't sell the house on the radio so it would seem you're not alone.  I think you've had some great advice & if you're comfortable with it I would definitely explore the lodger avenue, I think you'll find you're inundated with offers of people wanting to move out of home but not being able to afford a full rent especially if you charge a reasonable rate plus it will be company for yourself & might help to cope better.  Have you thought about seeing if the dog walking can be done any cheaper? £240 a month does sound a lot, works out at £12 an hour - I know I'm 'up north' but I only pay £9 albeit that is for one dog.  Do you have any friends or family that could help you out? Could they maybe walk the dogs once in a while to give you some breathing space?  I also think maybe a bit of advice on the mortgage & ongoing commitments, if it's in joint names he is also liable for the payments & should be willing to contribute.  I think maybe you need to put aside any emotions you may be feeling towards him & ensure you get a fair deal.

Not sure if any of that helps but I hope things pick up for you soon.

If you have decided firmly that you do not want to rehome the dogs and that financially you can manage - just about - if your ex pays £200 towards the dog walker, I would take the dog walker into your confidence - he has gained the confidence of your dogs for a start, and may consider dropping his charges - for a while anyway - whilst you settle into a new regime.

You do not say how old the dogs are - its not ideal to leave dogs alone all day, but the older they are, the longer they will snooze.  But you do have long days, commuting into London from Essex (I know - did it/still do occasionally - for 30+ years) - and it would help if you could contact the dog walker if you have one of those horrendous days when you are stuck on a homecoming train for a couple of hours.

The dog walker might even know of someone who could gain the trust of your dogs who is looking to rent a room!

Its going to be hard, whichever route you take - good luck!

Had several thoughts when reading this thread
*You could look at renting out the room, poosibly at much cheaper price to someone who is willing to work with you on the dogs issues - a friend,colleague or someone you know may be easier
*Get a written agreement from your boyfriend so he cannot shirk from paying you money
*Approach citizens advice or a solicitor that will give you the first appointment free. See where you stand and where your ex stands. Its a very stressful time splitting up with someone and from past experience i will say it makes things a lot easier if you know where you stand, what you are entitled to etc,etc.
*Look into the mortgage issue. Most companys are funny about having one sole name on the mortgage but it isnt really great if he stays on it. Something for you to think about.
*Just a suggestion - is there any way you could re locate with your job? or are there any jobs going more locally? I know in this finanical climate the job market isnt the same and it may sound silly to look but its worth a try.

At the moment you feel like you are in a dark place but im sure the light will appear at the end of the tunnel soon.
Keep ya chin up :-)

> £240 a month does sound a lot, works out at £12 an hour - I know I'm 'up north' but I only pay £9 albeit that is for one dog. 

£12 an hour for 2 dogs is a pretty average amount especially if one of them has temperament issues, you may find some dog walkers would take £10 an hour for that dog.   I hope your dog walker is insured?

> I hope your dog walker is insured?

Mine? Yes of course.

Actually I was just replying to someone else and i realise I do have some options.  My dog walker has temporarily lowered his price as a favour to £10 per hour for the two dogs.  i can work from home one day a week.  i could take the dog walker part time if it gets really bad as something is better than nothing.   I can work through my lunch break and leave work at 4.  I am employing someone to help with lubos fear aggression in the hope that i can either take a lodger or that a neighbour can pop in to let them out in the garden. i've spoken to my ex about my worries and he assures me that he will always pay for the dogs and that we never need worry about the dog walkers fees - I hope that this is true but obviously need a back up plan in case it falls short....

I've tried to get my name alone on the mortgage, but my wages alone fall about 5K short of the 3 time my salary needed to meet the mortgage. 

i can't work locally, I am a criminal intelligence analyst and i work with the police in london, its too specialist to find a role down here. 

Some good ideas and thoughts and i thank you all for taking the time to reply to me.  i'll keep you updated as to how we get on! 

Jo

> I would explore the 'dog friendly lodger' option, you may get someone who the dogs will trust & who may help with the walking too? 

Just wanted to say, I recently lost one of my biggest contracts and ended up renting a room.  It had to be a dog lover and I have now got a lovely girl, who adores dogs and actually works mainly nights, so is around during the day and I also get an additional, much needed income.  I wasn't too keen on sharing my home initially, but needs must and actually it couldn't have worked out better.

> £240 a month does sound a lot, works out at £12 an hour - I know I'm 'up north' but I only pay £9 albeit that is for one dog.

I was thinking it sounded cheap!  I have an excellent walker who charges £6ph so both dogs on a 5 week month would be £300pcm - ouch but so worth it.

Jodenice, sorry to hear you are going through such a tough time.  Have you taken into account some of the savings you will make by being on your own e.g. lower bills and 25% off your council tax?

I have had lodgers since I moved into my current house and have found it to be an excellent source of income.  My current one is moving out at the end of the month but has been living with his girlfriend for 6 nights per week for the last 5 months and has still been paying me full rent (£350pcm).

There are ways around everything if you really want something and it might be worth looking at martin lewis' website for  moneysaving ideas as it is often now about how much you earn but about how much you can save that makes a difference to your lifestyle.

best wishes and I am sure you will have a lightbulb moment where the solution is clear.