Anyone watching the Channel 4 programme Find me a family? I am finding it really interesting and informative....I wonder if it will spur people into taking the next step from thinking to doing something about fostering/adopting or stop them dead in their tracks?

I thought tonights was really good.
It is something I have thought about a lot... I am still undecided..
A friend of mine has just adopted two siblings and found the whole process very stressful... She felt that although the social workers have a job to do, they made it a very hard thing to get through... that is just her opinion though...
It is still stirring my curiousity..... :-)

Gabrielle

I've watched it and found it interesting but remember the potential parents on this programme are part of an experiment and not all of the process is what the adoption agencys do.
For example, spending days with children with disability/behavioural programmes. Or looking after children under CCTV.
It is something i would definitely look into more in the future when the time comes, but the boxes that need ticking are extremely tight eg parents have to be acertain age/weight/annual income etc. A lot of people with a lot of love to go give dont qualifiy becuase of it

> but the boxes that need ticking are extremely tight eg parents have to be acertain age/weight/annual income etc. A lot of people with a lot of love to go give dont qualifiy becuase of it

That really does depend on your local area.  There is no upper age limit as such but in some cases you may be restricted to age appropriate children.  There are however exceptions to every rule and many children are fostered by people of 'grandparent' age.  Decisions are based on what the child needs and some would thrive with older, perhaps more experienced, parents.

Weight is viewed as a health or mobility issue and many authorities ask for medicals. The process to adopt can be a lengthy one so there may be a request to reduce weight if possible.  Some of these children will have more need than most for a healthy diet and as part of the interview process prospective parents will be asked questions about their ability to provide that.

Annual income, there aren't really hard and fast rules on this either.  The most important aspect is to provide the best home for the child ie one where all of it's physical and emotional needs can be met.  Income will not be the primary concern but parents must be able to provide for the child.  In addition, some local authorities may pay a stipend to cover any special needs the child has.

In my experience there are few people who simply don't qualify at all.  Their situation and circumstances might mean they have to wait longer for a child that will be the best fit for them.

I have adopted and, alongside my local authority, have worked to train and inform other prospective adopters.  During an extremely emotional process it can be hard to remember that adoption is not all about allowing men and women to become parents.  What I mean is that it isn't about whether you are fit to have children per se.  It is all about the child and finding the best home for these children.  Many of these children have needs that require particular styles of parenting and adoptions fail if social service don't get the best fit.

I have  friends and neighbours who have been foster parents for many years taking in emergency cases as well as long term. I think she and her family including her own children  have a very special something to enable them to care for some of the children that come to them. I have absolute respect for her and the family.

I did not see this programm, I gather it was mainly about adoption?

I should add some times the child comes to my neighbours family the way to odoptive parents. She says she gets far more from this than she gives ;-)

> it can be hard to remember that adoption is not all about allowing men and women to become parents

that is so true.  Many people who think adoption will give them a child who will unconditionally love them and put their arms up for a hug are often very much mistaken.  Many of the children up for adoption or fostering will have poor attachment to their previous primary caregiver and will have adjusted their behaviour accordingly.  Many of these children are also emotionally damaged by the terrible lives they have lived.  IMO potential fosterers and adopters need to be looking to meet the child's needs rather than their own and the absolute joy that comes with seeing a child progress is a bonus thrown in :)

I hope the program makes a lot of single parents, couples, gay couples come forward for adoption. It doesn't matter if you live in a council flat or a 1/2 million pound home. You don't have to have a large income. If it is the only reason you are thinking you can't adopt or foster, you can be given an allowance for both. You are interviewed, intencive CIB check is done, A standard Medical you will be asked to attened some meetings.
You also need a lot of love to give and patience.
There are many children from 12months up, all colours and sizes, many mixed heritage,
I myself have 6 children, two that are adopted. I had a very positive experience. My two adopted children are very stable. One now works for Social services, so does one of my biological girls.
The Social Services seem as if they put you through hell, but! if you really want to adopt you will weather the storm. It is to see if you really won't to adopt. As an adoption break down would be a dreadful thing for the child, it would seem it had been rejected again.
If you are out of work and love children, also a challenge go for Fostering, what do you loose? also would give you an income.

Denese

> The Social Services seem as if they put you through hell, but! if you really want to adopt you will weather the storm. It is to see if you really won't to adopt.

It's true that the lengthy and difficult process can put some potential parents off BUT it's important to mention that the system is not designed with that in mind. 

> If you are out of work and love children, also a challenge go for Fostering, what do you loose? also would give you an income.

Being out of work shoudn't discourage anyone from applying to become a foster carer but they should not consider it purely as a method of income.

It's great to hear of your positive experience Denese.  People with success stories are a more effective method of communicating with potential adopters than any TV programme, we just don't reach the same numbers! :)

I have seen a lot of change in the fostering services. I must say not all good. Lets hope we are ready for a turn around. It is about time.
I feel some good may be foster parents are put off during the first couple of meeting. To people out there who may want to foster "don't give up" there are so many children that need you! With all different needs, that need all different types of people. If you would like to give a child a home go for it, don't be put off. If you are single man or women you can still be considered for adoption. Or fostering. If you are gay there are children that you can help. Also couples.

Denese

My friends applied, did all the courses, police checks etc etc etc for fostering. All fine, then when the Social Worker's line manager visited my friends home She took one look at her dogs, said in a very loud voice"This house stinks of dogs"(I was there at the visit so it's not hearsay)"parents would complain, because their children would return stinking of dogs, if you get rid of your dogs you would be passed immediately" I think the Social Worker, myself & my friend were stunned. The house was immaculate, clean, no smell of dogs. As she came & perched on a chair next to me I sniffed loudly & got up to leave with the parting words"Hm I bet you've got cats, I can tell by the smell from here" She looked very embarassed as I had hit the nail on the head, the Social Worker had to stifle her laugh & my friend burst into giggles !

The SSD lost a super foster home & now that my friends' husband died suddenly, she isn't able to reapply as she's had breast cancer & other health problems.

The SSD had adverts all over the city for foster homes & guess what. Yes, there's a dog in the middle surrounded by children hugging it !!

thats appaling, children who need help will have lost out on a cracking home becuase of one jobsworths bad attitude i would have complained to her supervisor.

Moon maiden,
There are some "not very professional social workers and managers out there" I liked the old school Social Worker and Manager that didn't put there personal views into practice. Did there job. Like I say time for a turn around!! If you get a good Social Worker she could have a crap Manager. But! Remember there is always someone above them, and if you are not happy with there insulting remarks, go higher!! Dogs do not stop you fosterering FACT. or adoption! I have seen some very undesirable homes with out dogs (foster parents) that I would not leave my dogs with. Good! for you on saying what you thought was factual. The Social workers and Managers are only people, getting paid to do a job. Sometimes, I wish they would do properly.
But! again on saying that there are some excellent Social Workers and Managers out there. I just hope all the good ones don't leave before the turn around. Unfortunatly it isn't the SSD lose, it is the poor childrens.

Denese

We did complain, but the SSD backs their manager & not the SW, who thought the manager was wrong.

It got worse as the notification that they had not been passed included derogatory remarks about myself being there ! :-O that we did get an apology for. Very strange set up as my friends were approved emergency carers for young disabled people(ie 16-18 year olds !)& used to get asked for immediate care all the times.

Sadly it is all in the past now following her huubies untimely death & her own health problems.

The actual SW was lovely & very upset at her managers attitude.

A lot of Social Workers do get over ruled by there managers, that half the time do not even know the people concerned.
Such a shame she lost her hubby,also her own problems. She may have been snapped up now!