A friend passed away last night and I don't know how to feel, I've never really experienced a friend passing away and I just don't know how to feel, I find it hard to accept that she's no longer here & I won't see her anymore :(

You feel numb - plain and simple.  You have just started the very long and painful experience of grief.  I'm very sorry for your loss.  Grief is a cycle, you feel numb (shock) then anger (that you couldn't help) then loss, plus a lot of other similar emotions.  Time is a great healer, in time you remember all the good things with a big grin on your face, you start giggling in the street or on the bus for no apparent reason.

I don't know how to feel

So very sorry Gemma,

There is no how to feel hun, often when first told it really doesn't feel real, you accept that they have gone in your mind, but in reality it often doesn't hit you until much later, at the moment it's probably like she is just at home or at work so it's hard to break down and cry and feel as though she is really gone, for now you need to go with the flow of acceptance and if you can offer support to her family and talk to your other friends about what has happened. I don't think that it really hits you until you can no longer pick up the phone for that chat or have that person there for nights out and get togethers; that's when reality sets in and all you can do is accept that you miss them, unless you saw or spoke to her every day feeling the loss is hard.

I've lost a few friends over the years, but I still kind of talk to them in my mind occassionally or think of what they would have said or done, so in a way you don't really loose them, keep the good times in your heart.

The need to cry will come, whenever you feel the need there is no time limit on that and no knowing when you may feel that way, just do what your body and mind wants to whenever you want to, importantly you don't need to grieve the way others grieve, you'll come to accept this terrible loss in your own way and in your own time.

Once again my condolences and she will always be there whenever you think of her, people never really leave us, they are engrained in our hearts and minds forever they can be with you any time you wish.

Just wanted to say how sorry I am...

Everyone feels different and sometimes the feelings actually don't come up till way later or until you lose someone else- even a pet can trigger the emotions...

Sorry (((hugs)))

Its a bit like a hole somewhere the real pain is when you begin to miss there company. I think it takes time to really miss someone and not everyone has to have floods of tears to feel grief.
Just remember that its not good to bottle things up, and have a weep if you feel like it and talk about your friend when you want to, but what you have written is how you feel! its different for different people.

Gemma,  as Granitecitygirl wrote:

>You feel numb - plain and simple.  You have just started the very long and painful experience of grief.  I'm very sorry for your loss.  Grief is a cycle, you feel numb (shock) then anger (that you couldn't help) then loss, plus a lot of other similar emotions. 

Grief does tend to follow a certain pattern and you will feel different emotions at different times although different people differ as to what they feel and when they feel it.  It is perfectly normal not to know how you feel, when we experiance grief we have expectations as to how we should feel these expectations are not always what we experiance when it happens. 

You should just try and accept that whatever you feel is valid because it is valid for you.

Different sometimes unexpected things will also stir up emotions, my step father died on Saturday, I went round to my mums last night to sign some forms.  When I walked into the living room and saw his empty chair it really got to me. 

Thats a lovely post Carrington thats how I feel about my MIL.

Nice words Carrington, you are so right - there is no way to know how to feel.
My best friend was killed when we were 16 and not a day goes by when I don't think of him. Feelings and thoughts of loss gradually turn from an overwhelming grief into an acceptance and there will come a day when it isn't your first thought upon waking and your last thought at night.
Cry when you need to, don't hide it. Share your thoughts and memories. Have a get together of friends now and again, remember the good times you had and laugh. Celebrate your friends life and the millions of things she did, not the single event of her passing.
Thinking of you.

i'm very sorry for your loss gemma.

your grieving and it will run its course for you as it should, unfortunately there is no way to predict how that will be. I've never lost a friend or anyone who it wasn't expected for, i imagine it is a huge shock.

would you like to talk about her a bit? it might help you get your head around whats happened

Gemma,

I am so sorry for your loss. 

When I was younger, I lost a friend, and when I was told about it, I didnt cry.  I couldnt cry.  It wasnt until after the visitation that I sat in the coffee shop and cried.  I was very young then, only 12, so it might be different now if I was to loose a friend now.  But any reaction you have is "normal".  When you loose someone, there isnt a set of rules to go by. 

My deepest sympathies.

Kory

Gemma,

remember the good times you had together, happy memories stay in the heart forever.

If you have the chance to read or say something at her funeral then do, no one should mind if you share some of your thoughts and recollect some of your friend's traits that made you smile.

the emptiness you may feel will soon fill.

take care

I'm so sorry. I lost my best friend years ago and I miss her every day. As others have said, you're at the beginning here, you will soon start to feel all sorts of emotions. HUGS.

my thoughts are with you gemma at this very sad time.you may feel that you should be behaving or feeling in a certain way,that you feel guilty that you are still here while your friend has passed away.that is a normal reaction.you will probably find yourself laughing surprisingly soon and that's normal too.i found the strangest thing was that the world around was going on just the same as before ,it was a surreal feeling.we had a humanist minister and i wrote down some lovely memories of my john which i intended to read out but in the end couldn't and the minister stepped in and read my thoughts out beautifully,there was plenty of laughter at all the things i'd recalled.it's wonderful to talk to people who were close to your loved one and you will get a lot of satisfaction doing that and so i'm sure will they.this is early days yet and you will feel a bit stunned.i promise that you will come through it and that all the memories you made together will give you comfort and haappiness.condolences to your friends family toox

Thank you so much everybody for your kind words xx

So sorry to hear your news.

I think the worst thing about death and experiencing grief is how you look at the rest of the world and everyone is carrying on as normal, yet you feel your world is in complete turmoil.
I sadly lost my friend a few years ago after a tragic accident in Ibiza, his body wasnt found for several days until it washed up on a beach. It was very upsetting and i went through a range of emotions including anger. However you are feeling right now (sad, lonely, empty, hurt, upset, reminisant, angry) are all normal. We all cope in our own way and its all fine. It took me a long time to delete his number off my phone - to me, however silly it may sound, that was the real end by deleting his number knowing i'd never text or ring him again nor see his name flash up on my phone.
My condolances are with you.xxx

I think the worst thing about death and experiencing grief is how you look at the rest of the world and everyone is carrying on as normal,

Excellent point, it does feel like that doesn't it?

And then the flip side because we all go through our phases of missing, tearful, hurt, anger at different times others have no idea how to be with us, hence why many cross the street and pretend they didn't see us, or give the initial phone call of so sorry, and then stay away for a while, we never know who wants to talk, who is in denial, who will burst into tears at the very mention of the name, who is coping and prefers to be alone, who needs people and to be held, death is a difficult stage for all of us.

We just need to ask each other what we want and need, and Gemma if you need people to share your feelings with - tell them, we often don't know when we are needed.

the thing i remember most about all the condolences i got after john died was when my bil just touched my hand.in that short moment i felt that he understood and cared.i still call our land line when i'm on my way home sometimes just imagining when he'd answer and be at the gate waiting for me.sometimes we argued like cat and dog,but that made things lively,we often disagreed,but that made things interesting.when i see a little white fluffy feather i know he's nearby.x

When my brother died years ago a friend said to me "Im sorry your brother died I never met him, but Im sorry you are hurt". I think that was a nice thing to say as I knew he cared for me.