You'll like these they are so true!!!!!!



MEN  ARE JUST HAPPIER PEOPLE  - What do you expect from such simple creatures? 
Your last name stays put. 

The garage is all yours. 
Wedding plans take care of themselves. 
Chocolate is just another snack.
You can never be pregnant. 
You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
You can wear NO shirt to a water park.. 
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
The world is your urinal. 
You never have to drive to another petrol station toilet because this one is just too icky. 
You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. Same work, more pay. 
Wrinkles add character. 
Wedding dress £2000. Morning-suit rental-£100.
People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.
The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected. 
New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet. 
One mood all the time. 
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. 
You know stuff about tanks. 
A five-day holiday requires only one suitcase. 
You can open all your own jars.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.
Your underwear is £4.95 for a three-pack. 
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough. 
You almost never have strap problems in  public. 
You are unable to see  wrinkles in your clothes. 
Everything on your face stays its original  colour. 
The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
You only have to shave your face and neck.
You can play with toys all your life. 
One wallet and one pair of shoes one colour for all seasons. 
You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.
You can 'do' your nails with a pocket knife.. 
You have freedom of choice concerning growing a moustache..
You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.
No wonder men are happier.

NICKNAMES
If  Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah.
If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla and Four-eyes.

EATING  OUT
When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in £20, even though it's only for £32.50.  ..........None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.
When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

MONEY
A man will  pay £2 for a £1 item he needs.
A woman will pay £1 for a £2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.

BATHROOMS
A  man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and  toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from M&S.
The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. 
A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.

ARGUMENTS
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man  says after that is the beginning of a new  argument.

CATS
Women love cats.
Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.

FUTURE
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a  wife.

SUCCESS
A  successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

MARRIAGE
A  woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.

DRESSING UP
A  woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the bins, answer the phone, read a book, and get the post.
A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

NATURAL
Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

OFFSPRING
Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children.  .........She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favourite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.
A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

THOUGHT FOR THE  DAY
A married man should forget his  mistakes. ......There's no use in two people remembering  the same thing. 
SO, Send this  to the women who can handle it and to the men who will enjoy reading  it. 





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So right!!

Very very true!!

well speaking as a man what can I say, it's all true!

Very good!
Thanks for the chuckle :-D

Excellent!! :-D Here's some more...

The Male Rules

We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. These are their rules! Please note... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up put it down.
We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present yet again!

1. Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.

1. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.

1. Don't cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair, and by then you're stuck with her.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one:
     Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

1. We don't remember dates. Mark birthdays and anniversaries on the calendar. Remind us frequently beforehand.

1. Most guys own three pairs of shoes-tops. What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

1. Check your oil! Please.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We refuse to answer.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done.
Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.

1. The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out. Get over it. And quit whining to your girlfriends.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colours, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a colour. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine.
Really!

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as the diamond formation, or monster trucks.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. It is neither in your best interest or ours to take the quiz together.
No, it doesn't matter which quiz.

1. BEER is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.

1. Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know we really don't mind that, it's like camping.

1. I am in shape. ROUND is a shape.

yep, I agree with most of those especially no 1 :)

All true again!!  love it!!!

hahahaha very funny!

Brilliant! Especially the dressing up bit.....I made the mistake of just 'nipping' to the shops today in my scruffs and bumped into too many people.

Life is so simple here in manworld! :-) No really it is!!