Hello,

totally unrelated to dogs and definitely not easier, give me 10 dogs any day over other peoples kids.

My 4 year old daughter's friend and her mother came over for lunch today.  Now between you and me, I can't stand this other child, the mother I like...but the kid, yuk!  She just  sulks and tantrums ALL the time, has on one occasion hit my daughter on the face and expects everything her way.  I know all kids go thru this but this child didn't want to eat the lunch I gave her, fine, but then proceeded to walk away sulking, the mother let her and I was really angry as my girl has to stay there till we all finish.  

I know as parents we all have different ways but I just don't know what the unspoken rule is about other people's kids misbehaving in your own home.  I guess the obvious is to speak to the mother but I know we will fall out, I can tell we have different ideas of acceptable children's behaviour.  As I'm reading this it sounds so trivial but when I'm with her she just irritates the hell out of me and she is not disciplined and thinks she can behave with the same disrespect for me as she does her mother.

I hope someone can relate to my annoyance and not just feel I am being an arse when this is only a child.  I'd genuinely rather have 10 strange dogs in my house than this child, at least I'd understand them more.
Thank you.

I don't think that you could reprimand the child if the Mum was there, it would be different if she were there on her own whereby your house rules come into play and you would do as you would do if your own child misbehaved then.  Having said that, the little girl would probably be different on her own.  If you know the mother really well, maybe you could tell her that it would be better for her not to come at all if the child wasn't going to behave.  She sounds like one very unhappy little girl to me.

Agree with Oldilocks. Also, i remember my Mum frequently telling me "just becuase so-and-so's mum lets them doesnt mean i do"  If your daughter begins questioning what is acceptable behaviour then just explain about your rules and because your friend allows her daughter to behave in that way, it doesnt make it right.
Dogs Vs children.....hhmmmm :-)

Oh yes..............
My children the youngest  now 13, have always been in my eyes fairly well behaved and it really bugs me when others aren't.
My own sister even said to me once.....you're lucky you have a well behaved child, we were out together with our 2 daughters.
NO...it is the way for 90% that they know they are expected to behave, and how they show respect for others, even at 4 years old.

Karen

That always makes me laugh when people say "isnt your dog well behaved", er, yes, thats what happens when you spend hours on training etc. OR "isnt your son/daughter well behaved"...well yes, thats what happens when you actually parent them - teaching them right from wrong, consequences of thier actions and basic common morals, as opposed to plonking them in front of the tv 24/7.
Im a firm believer that you get out what you put in, whatever the subject matter may be.

I don't see why you cannot smile and say something along the lines of understanding that everyone has their own way but in your home you like your daughter to sit at the table until the meal is finished. So to save her any confusion could she help you in getting her daughter to follow the same rules and the same with any other rules that might be useful. 
I don't think there is anything in that that she can take umbrage to.  I doubt it will change the child completely but it might make things slightly less irritating and you never know your friend might become struck with the benefits and learn to introduce a little more discipline herself.

I'm afraid I'm a parent that tells other people's kids off as well as my own & trust me, mine are no angels by any stretch of the imagination.  But then most parents know what I'm like & I often say to other mothers to take "no nonsense" from my kids if they have them, or if I miss something.

I've even been known to remind a parent to say "please"!  Actually it happened at Christmas at the local swimming pool, a parent asked the manager for something & didn't say please, so I automatically said "PLEASE" in a loud voice.  Fortunately we both found it very funny & I did apologise :-O

I must say maddog I am more inclined to correct complete strangers for their manners, like you.  Particularly when it comes to holding doors open for people and not getting a thank you....so rude.  But I don't feel comfortable repremanding someone elses child in front of them, but I do when the parent isn't there.....pretty weak of me.

It may be that the parent is embarassed or unsure and lets the child 'get away' with things they wouldn't normally?  I know my child often pushes the boundaries if he thinks he can, sometimes even when he's sure he can't ;)  some children are much more challenging than others ;)   My first one is the sort that usually people say 'never again' after   in the end it took me almost 13 years to pluck up the courage (or idiocy) to have another one   My mother used to comment that she was worse than me and my brother and 2 sisters put together, and it was nothing to do with discipline or being consistent, she was just an extremely difficult child.

Dill, I do agree with you that some children are actually more 'difficult' than others. Of our 3, the first was so well behaved I thought I was just a wonderful perfect parent! The second was pretty similarly biddable. Luckily I have been knocked down a peg or two by our third more challenging child and I now have an understanding of how hard it can be! I agree possibly this mum could be embarrassed. Our youngest child has for some time had an issue with eating at other peoples' houses (or anywhere socially including things like parties) and it can certainly be embarassing. If the OP is getting  stressed by this child's behaviour, I think it is worth tactfully chatting to the Mum because it is going to put a strain on your friendship anyway. With my good friends I can discuss such issues, we know none of us are perfect and neither are our children! Much better to chat, be supportive, laugh through these things than have feelings of resentment.   

I think most people with children have probably been in this situation at least once, I have.  Everyone brings their children up differently and if you want to stay friends with this  child's mum then best not make an issue of it.  The way I used to deal with this type of situation was to say something along the lines of - Goodness gracious me, thank goodness I have a such a good girl.  This way I was reinforcing my own daughter's good behaviour whilst indirectly pointing out the other child's poor behaviour.  In your situation I would probably not have lunch at my house again but arrange for a get together somewhere neutral so it's easier to escape or invite the mum for coffee when the kids are at nursery instead.

I would have never been let off with anything like that when I was young, I was a only child and far from spoilt, my mum and dad very good to me, and wanted for nothing, but I knew my boundries, and even up to my 30's my Mum would have still clipped my ear for being cheeky.
I dont have or plan to have kids, but I know looking at other people's, if they were mine, they would'nt be talking or acting like that!!!

Children have no respect for there elders.

> Children have no respect for there elders.

  Some do!!  :)

I'm sorry but I would tell the child that the rules in this house are that we stay at the table until everyone is finished.  If the Friend is upset then she doesn't need to bring her again.

A lot of my kids Friends only ever came the once as I insisted they ate what was put in front of them having already asked if they wanted it and how much portion wise.  My kids inform me that I scared their Friends, fine by me.

Brainless, totally agree!  And I'm nowhere near ready to be a mother yet lol but that is exactly the way I would do it.

Table manners are a big deal in my house but they really aren't as important to some people.

I have a friend whose children aren't great at the table but who do make an effort in line with mine.  I correct my kids and these girls try and follow too.  A lot of children try to conform to fit it.  I gently correct them where/when I can and I do ensure they all remain seated until the last one has finished.  I used to also explain how to use a knife and fork properly but in a fun way rather than making too big a deal of it.

My friendship with their mother is more important to me than a few bad manners but I do try and manage things as best I can not to share too many meals in our house, or for them all to stay too long!  It was far better to go out and eat 'on the hoof' when they were all younger anyway.

From quite a young age my kids and I would share the odd 'rolled eyeball' at each other as we acknowledged the dodgy table manners of some of their friends.  Ghastly for sure, but not a huge deal, we just learnt to avoid mealtimes for playdates or eat finger food or have picnics instead!

But yes - I do prefer dogs to some children...

> Children have no respect for there elders.

Actually, plenty of them do - including ours - maybe you only come across those that don't. And I do believe you earn their respect by setting a very good example of the way to behave, give them lots of love and they naturally have respect.

Yes, I agree, but the people I know give in to there children for a quiet life, instead of punishing them for bad behaviour.
I'm sure your children do have respect for you, I wish there was more like that!!

I'm sorry but I would tell the child that the rules in this house are that we stay at the table until everyone is finished.  If the Friend is upset then she doesn't need to bring her again.


Ditto, when children are in my home they do as I say, not in a bossy obnoxious way but I always ask in a nice way with a friendly smile first, it's how you say things that will make a difference, however, if a child was having a paddy, kicking my furniture,throwing things or screaming etc they would soon get the sharp end of my tongue if the parent did nothing, and be sent onto a naughty step, it's no good having your own children seeing bad behaviour as then they think if so and so got away with it, so can I? And you can't blame any child for thinking that.

Parents also learn from other parents, they often can get back up from another parent to install good behaviour and children are notorious for doing what other people say but not their parents as they know we don't love them unconditionally like they will.

Make sure you get your points across in a nice happy carefree way and see how it goes. :-) If the mother takes it to heart and gets upset so be it, it is your home and your rules.

You wait until the sulker is your step daughter, I had years of my OH's eldest, youngest fine with us.
Now she's a Mum 3 times over still a sulker but, at least I can absent myself from visits as its obvious she doesn't like me. No one says she has to but we just keep away from each other. Her sister comes in the office, calls in at home with her daughter off with the dogs. The eldest pain in the butt. I have never, ever chastised her I just used to say "your daughter you deal with her" to my OH, no nasty step mum me. I al;ways buy birthday, christmas, christening gifts never a card or a think you to either of us. Now she's 28 she can suck it and see it does not upset me anymore either. But it did a lot.

About 4 months ago I had Ben (23) his mates Gareth & Matt for a drink after they played football  - Im the nearest house. We chatted away and when they got up to leave Matt said " Thanks for having me". They all rolled about after that. But he was like that at 6 same at 23 really well brought up, I made his Mum laugh when I told her!! Good manners are for life and v. important in my eyes.

we have one like that my Great Niece Ambur - she's visiting her relatives in India she's two her mum says if she gets pinched they would bring her back in half an hour. The latest was pouring obas oil in her nbaby brothers mouth and eyes. He ended up in hospital, only 6 months a bit of parental fault that one but you cant say much to a hysterical mum.

We call her Attila but she is so beautiful to look at. Her elder sister age 5 says they are going to feed her to a cobra!!!

>" Thanks for having me". They all rolled about after that. But he was like that at 6 same at 23 really well brought up, I made his Mum laugh >when I told her!! Good manners are for life and v. important in my eyes.

LOL

This struck a chord with me too :-D  Both my children do this - manners cost nothing and are priceless.  Both are commented on for their manners and kindness to others.   Makes all the hard work worth while :-D

Wow, that must have been extremely painful for the baby boy. I find inhaling just olbas oil brings tears to the eyes. Was the lad okay? Do you think Attila's nose was put out of joint having a baby brother around? 

The ambulance arrived and he was washed out at hospital and was ok, Katie was really upset and I could not really tell her to ber more careful as she had no problems with Aniesha with Ambur, and she was really really upset, sit down cup of tea time. We all thought Ambur had really got on so well with Rubin but she obviously needs a lot more watching.
Neisha (we call her) is a lovely calm peaceful girly girl. Ambur is unique she really should have been a boy always underssing herself!! Im glad thats stoped a bit now! so active and hard as nails. If she touches something and you say "No" she smiles sunnily and does it anyway - hence Attila. I love her to bits but you cannot applaud her naughtiness.

But alls calm at the moment there all in India meeting the in laws despite all of us moaning that we would not take kids to India. But its a family wedding and they have all their flights paid by MIL. Not a place i want to visit too hot and poverty, over crowding. Friends have been but would not visit again the touristy areas are beautiful but the poverty is so sad.

> they got up to leave Matt said " Thanks for having me".

What a wonderful compliment for his mother.  And what a lovely guy.

He is lovely they met at school and are still firm friends. The other boy Gareth, his Mum & I went to ante natal classes together so they have known each other from about age 2! he is now a surveyor with our company (Gareth). Ben has friends loads of them who we have known for ever. Matt is tall, black curly hair bright blue eyes and lovely, but girls dont like him beacuse he is to nice!! can you believe it he's georgeous.