i am stuck i feel im right in what im doing but i know it will have major implications. advice please
i have a friend and a neighbour i help her with absolutely everything, finances, jobs around the house, i do more for her than her own son. shes not elderly shes only 46 so is quite capable of doing these things.
shes a pcso so knows the law. recently she got caught on her scooter with no licence as it had ran out, she was aware for 5 months it had ran out and i kept telling her to renew.
she never ever picks up poo when shes out, and ive told her about this too. she got caught not picking up a few days ago and gave in MY NAME AND ADDRESS because she panicked
about losing her job, also she is not registered where she lives so she does not pay council tax.
She told me what she had done thinking i would be ok, but im not ok about it i feel she used me to get out of something she knew was wrong.
i know she did not do it to hurt me but i feel its the lack of responsibility she always shows regardless.
i have said she needs to own up to this and she has spoken to a police frien who has said she will be done for fraud and definately lose her job.
this is not something i want to happen but i dont want her to get away with using my name and address.
what do you all think.
real moral dilemma

I would report her.  She has been robbing you and every other tax payer over her council tax and I cannot understand why you are assisting her with anything.  I would report her for the tax evasion too although maybe you could offer her the chance to confess initially.  I don't really see any moral dilemma in this at all.

I'd report her.  As a PCSO she should have better respect for people and the law.  She is using you and is most certainly not your friend so please please do report her!

Blimey, I'd be mortified enough to be in legal trouble if it WAS my fault, in no way would I accept blame for someone else. Would agree with the others, and would also say that actually I don't think you are helping her by taking all the responsibility away from her. Far better to assist her with some tools and advice and let her stand on her own two feet.

M.

Sorry, I wouldn't do that to a friend, nor would I expect a friend to do that to me!  I see no moral dilemma here at all.

I would tell her that I find it unacceptable and give her the chance to put it right but tell her that if she didn't, then I would be putting the record straight. :(

I don't think it's a moral dilema at all...I would report her...why should she get away with fraud??!! She shouldn't be doing the job if she's that dishonest should she?

Actually if you PM me her details I'll do it for you!!!

i now she's at fault, she has just text me saying she will admit to it, and lose her job if thats what i want......
so its putting the blame on me. i just dont think she understands that she has to take responsibility

Report her...if this Fixed Penalty Notice is not paid. YOU will be held responsible for it. If she is such a thief that she does not pay her council tax, then she will not pay a council penalty. (or was it a Police FP?)

Not sure how it works with your council but here we send out a warning letter once the fine is returned unpaid. This letter will come to you. At this point you could contact the council and say it wasn't you and you will be brought in for a formal interview and the officer may be asked to i.d you.

If it left unpaid it is passed to Sheriff Officers who have the power to arrest YOUR wages, sieze YOUR goods and ultimately see YOU on a credit blacklist due to your neighbours utter selfishness.

On the other hand if you want her to get away with treating you like a doormat then pay the fine and no one in authority will find out about it....untill it happens again and the issuing officer decides that you've had your warning (the original Fixed Penalty) and now you are to be prosecuted.

well she said she will be paying the fine. but thats not the point to me it was the fact thay instead of facing up to waht she had done it was swerve it to me.
IT WAS someone that i did consider a friend and a good one at that but i feel betrayed and being made to feel guilty for an act she knew was wrong

> she has just text me saying she will admit to it, and lose her job if thats what i want......

Nice bit of emotional blackmail there. I respond sooooo well to that. (Tongue firmly in cheek, should the sarcasm not be evident.) Text her back and say that's her problem, not yours.

M.

i know, thanks i just needed to hear that i wasnt being callous and a bad friend.
thanks

Just as a slightly less knee-jerk reaction and to provide some balance (and assuage your 'guilt' a bit, although you have nothing to be guilty for) ...

I'd be very surprised if she lost her job for this one thing, if she has an otherwise unblemished work record. If her work record is not good and this is the straw that breaks the camel's back, again that is her responsibility not yours, and perhaps a kick up the backside is just what she needs?

M.

Im afraid she is no friend of yours, and should not be trusted to do a pcso job as she has placed herself above the law. Bite the bullet mahonc and do the right thing.

Sometimes it's good to bounce things off of people (like a forum) as personally I find it easier once things are "out" of my head to make sense of everything.

> i just needed to hear that i wasnt being callous and a bad friend

By the sounds of it, you have been a fantastic friend to sombody who has only been using you. If she thought of you as a friend she wouldn't even consider giving your name for her crime.
What a horrible thing for her to do to you. Please don't feel guilty about it, you're not the one in the wrong atall.

Oh my goodness she is a PCSO!!

It's not your fault, responsibility or conscience.

The woman sounds like a walking hazzard, how can she be a PCSO she is the most irresponsible person I've heard of, don't let her manipulate you or use the guilt trip, if she can't even confess to leaving dog poo around (which would not have got her the sack) and feels the need to incriminate you, how on earth could she ever be trusted to help anyone else legally, (I wouldn't trust her taking a statement from me about anything!) she may well loose her job, but that is not your fault, you didn't make her lie,  definitely in the wrong job, stop helping her so much, she just helps herself, I would step well back from her. Personally I don't think she will tell, she is at present using the guilt trip so that you change your mind.

People like this are more likely to bump you off than admit a wrong doing (that was a joke - but you never know Sit next to her and make her do the phone call or do it yourself, to be honest will it even get back to her job? It's only fraud if they wish to take it further, they may forgive her lie as panic and not take it any further than a warning letter and a fine for the dog poo. You know how departments don't talk to each other so it may not even pick up that she does not pay council tax.

But given her job, she needs to be an upstanding member of society - which she clearly isn't!!! This may be the first step to helping her become more honest in everything in her life.

With everyone else here - no moral dilemma whatsoever.  I know you feel bad about the entire state of affairs but you've no reason to feel guilt in any form.  You're kindness has been used and abused IMO

She cant be much of a friend or a human being!
I would have reported asap! :-(

Mahonc,

Do you know if the Fixed Penalty was from the Police or the local Council?

It was from a warden which is from the council.
she has text me yet again asking het to forgive her, that i may be able to do in the future but i feel that what is happening is that i give advice, (she doesnt listen and knows the consequences),
then expects me to take what the result may be

> she has just text me saying she will admit to it, and lose her job if thats what i want......

Smacks of blackmail.  You know you have to report her.

If she sorts herself out and owns up to both this and the council tax, which is actually far more serious, then I see no reason why you should not forgive her and try to help her develop into a responsible human being.  Which will of course not mean doing everything for her :-)

Good Grief! This person is a PCSO, they dodge council tax (making the rest of us pay more) they drove their scooter illegally for 5 months until they were caught, they leave dog poo all over the place and then lied and gave a false name and address? Definitely report her, I wouldn't hesitate. If someone is capable of all these things what else are they capable of - does she also have a credit card in your name?

By knowing about all these things you're just as guilty I'm afraid. Take a step back, insist she comes clean and if she loses her job maybe she'll learn something from it. Personally I'd think that someone with so little respect for the law has no place working for them.

ok after an abusive, phone call from said friend, accusing me of being cruel and saying its only a fine in my name i have given het till 3 which after what has just happened i think is more than generous

If it were me, I would distance myself from this person as goodness knows what sort of problems she could bring on you in the future.  Tell her straight, she obviously lacks respect for you and the law.  I wouldn't want anything to do with her sort to be honest.  When the penalty notice arrives, ring the number on the form and let them do what needs to be done.

Excellent. She's just made it so much easier for you, then.

M.

much appreciated everyone.
it was a hard decision to make as it was someone i considered a friend but after your advice and her shouting abusive call saying i was cruel i am well and truly decided

Mahonc,

The fines from the Council, so they will not contact her work for the original dog fouling offence.

The giving of wrong details is an offence in itself, but in all likelyhood if someone went in person to the council office and 'came clean', saying that they panicked, were genuinely sorry and were willing to pay the fine right away then they would probably just get a warning (The courts aren't interested in offences like this and councils are unlikely to waste time reporting it just to have it returned, I only do it when I know it will be accepted) The offence would not be reported to her work and the only way they would find out was if she was actually prosecuted and then it's a matter of public record.

She's shown by her abusive attitude that she is not a friend so don't feel guilty. If it is still bothering you, advise her to do the above.

sorry i would report her
she is not a friend
as for being a pcso
that takes the biscuit
and why should she get away with out paying council tax, yet everyone else has to.
personally i would not  want to be friendly with someone like this
i would keep well clear

I personally would report her, she has already confided in a friend at work so there would be no way she would know it was you who reported her.
I would start with the dog warden who issues the FPN. I would then contact the benefits agency and then i would contact the local force whom she works for.
I am disgusted that she is in this job role and has been committing fraud all this time, she is dishonest and we don't need people like that working our streets.

If you really feel that uneasy about reporting her i have no issues with it if you'd like to pass them to me. You can report to social security and remain anonymous, even if you contacted her work place there is nothing to stop you remaining anonymous, they will look into this for you. If you know the colleague she has entrusted then i would mention their names as well. They if not reported already are just as bad to know this information and not act on it.

Sorry it makes my blood boil, i could for one not work with someone like this.

You've done so much for her and have been a great neighbour, but she has taken the p*** and its not on anymore.
She doesn't deserve the job she is in, nor the home she is living in if she is not declaring her work to the social.
That may sound harsh but there are people out there who are struggling, whether they are on benefits or they work and they don't resort to this. She is breaking the law and she needs to be dealt with.

She may be your neighbor, but she certainly is no friend to you. 

It's called emotional blackmail the way she has treated you.....

Not to be trusted...watch out for yourself ! if you are to continue being freindly with her.

Report her she is no friend to you,she has used your good nature.

> and saying its only a fine in my name

If it's only a fine what's wrong with it being in her name! 

Friendship is about trust and respect and being there for each other.  This person has used you terribly, you must feel very let down.  It's time to move on and let her deal with the consequences of her own actions.  It's just not your responsibility as much as she would like it to be.

If she is treating a friend like this , what else might she be up to in the community using her 'authority' . She will be coming into contact with all sorts of vulnerable people and she is quite obviously not trustworthy , as she should be .
Believe me , you will not be the only one that she is using/cheating . 

How do you know that she hasn't used your name and address before? She may have given you a record of some sort with the council/police that you don't know about. Which will show up in the future if anything else happens. Do you really want to try to explain to the police that they have the wrong person? Will they believe you? You have to get this sorted out now. She is ruining your reputation.

DONE. police called and warden informed.
i had a nasty letter through the mailbox saying the lady round the corner is going to say its her aswel. lady in question most likely wont know whats gone on.
anyway i had already informed the police so now she will get caught lying twice. madness.
she then stood at the end of her drive shouting and screaming, then from her house across the road, and then had her husband and son ring and text me last all night.

Keep the letter for the police!

Good.  As outrageous as your "friend's" behaviour was informing the police and warden took a lot of courage on your part. Bravo to you.

thanks everyone.

What a shame for you. Unfortunately it sounds as though your "friend" is taking advantage of your kind nature and abusing it

Well done - not easy but the best way to deal with things.  As for the letter and also any text messages, be sure and keep them for the police.
Have a {{{hug}}} and a DVDs in PJs day if you can - in between CD breaks of course ;)

Teri

good on you
keep the letter and any texts to show the police

Well done mahonc :)
Even though you did the right thing, it must have been hard to do being that you thought of this woman as your friend, well done to you.
As others have said, keep all letters & texts.

i had a nasty letter through the mailbox saying the lady round the corner is going to say its her aswel. lady in question most likely wont know whats gone on.


Have I understood that right, was she getting a lady around the corner to say she was the one who did not pick up the dog poo and that she gave your faulse name and address? Mind you, I'm sure the dog warden will clarify who she actually caught and spoke to if it comes to that.

If I have read that correctly that is unbelievable to drag two innocent people into this silly dispute, for goodness sake she would have only got a fine at the beginning, makes you wonder what she is capable of if she did something really bad.

Worst of all, people like this live in denial that they have done anything wrong. andhave the cheek to blame other people for their misfortune.

Well done on reporting it, at least your name is clear now.  Glad I don't have a friend like that!!!

If she continues to contact you in a harrassing manner or gets anyone of her friends or family to do it, make sure you keep a record, tell her to stop calling you if she does call and keep any correspondence from her as well.

She has no right to treat you like this and if she keeps this up she will also be looking at committing an offence under the harrassment act if you decide to report her on this as well.

Well done om reporting her, it probably wasn't easy but at least you know you have done the right thing and you concience is clear.

as a pcso she should be upholding the law and as for not paying council tax dont get me started!!
i would report her without a seconds thought.

I'm sorry but she is doing wrong to you and every other citizen who respects the law, why should she get away with it?

I would definitely report her.

Hiya

This person is very dangerous by all accounts. It is a very disturbing post. Make sure you keep all recors of any contact. She sounds like she is in some kind of personal trouble, and not wanting to alarm you but I would get a download of my credit file to be on the safe side. I would strongly insist on this. Go online to both Experian and Equifax. The fact that the husband and son have hurled abuse means she has lied to them also and screams she has something to hide. I agree she has used her position to manipulate the system and knows she is on the road to being caught, the items you have listed will not make her lose her job so the fact she is worried about that means she has done something that will be uncovered once she is reported and then she will lose her job.

Keep us posted and your chin up, you are a lovely person trying to help someone who bleated weakness that was not there. So mad, Grrrrrrrrr

Sandra
xx

> DONE. police called and warden informed.
>

Well done you, I'm not sure I would have been able to do that but she certainly seemed to make it a lot easier for you! What a nasty piece of work! :(