without going into any details I need to help someone who is the victim of domestic violence. In the world of cd is there anyone who has been in a similar situation that could give me some advice on what to say or do? Please pm me if you can help, I'd really appreciate it.

I have never been in that situation but I do know that you can help only those who want to be helped, if that is the case, you could start with Social Services.  Good Luck with it.

Sorry to hear this, the Police are really cracking down on DA nowadays and will investigate any reports thoroughly, if the victim is too scared to report then try to support her/him? to do so. Believe me it never STOPS and it never GETS BETTER!! It takes something like 35 incidences of DA before a victim will report it and to be abused just the once is enough.
Physical or mental it is all abuse and needs to be stopped, the RSPCA are now helping abused women with fostering their dogs as in many cases women would not seek help as there was no provision made for the animals and many women will not leave an abusive partner with the family pets.
Please try to support this person and try to get them to report the abuse...The national Domestic helpline number is: 0808 2000 247.
Hope this helps.

Ditto what Merlot has written except that it isn't the RSPCA but the Dog's Trust that is involved with the "Outreach"project

To be abused once is once too many & there is no excuse for violence of man on woman or vica versa

An abuser never changes no matter what they promise etc

The domestic violence  helpline would be of help and womans aid  is a great help. If you need some details my email is emma. turnbull4@ntlworld.com and i can get some info from work

Hope your ok

Speak to your GP if you can!
They will also advise you of help in your area

I am aware of services in my area and they will also asign you a worker to help support you should you leave?

Take care

Well one of my exes used to hit me when he had had a drink. I am not saying it was as bad as alot of women have and he never broke any bones but if he had had a drink he was horrible and I never quite knew what to expect. My brother once walked in on him throwing me around the room but was too young to do anything about it. He never touched me if he was sober.  My DD's father also beat me really badly once and threw me down a ditch where he left me.

The only advice I have is that unless the person wants to be helped the only thing you can do is be there to support them. I would have done anything to defend them as they both had me believing it was MY fault that this was happening and I deserved it. There were moments when I used to wonder what I was doing but I was never strong enough to give either of them up. It was almost like an addiction and I will never forget one of my friends saying that one day I would wake up and without a row or beating decide enough was enough. Sure enough with both of them I did.

You may all be sat wondering why I put myself in the situation a second time but by the time it happened with the 2nd man I had had my DD and was determined I would bring her up in a family and with him it was mental abuse almost more than the physical abuse.

Once your friend realises that she is worth more than this I would recommend counselling as until I had counselling I think I would have stayed in the cycle as I thought that that was all I deserved. Please encourage her to report this, I never did and now wish I had done.

Thinking back I think that both men ground me down so I thought it was my fault, I deserved no better and it was all I was worth. They both used to tell me I was fat and useless and left me with no self confidence and no self esteem.

If I can help in anyway let me know. Hope I've helped you understand a little of how she is probably thinking.

Paula.x

I think your story paula shows others though diffiult at the time to get out of that situation it is possible

I have seen a few clients of mine who have been in DM relationships and we have managed to work through self esteem issues that there partner has made them believe, and other issue's. I find it very rewarding working and helping people in these circumstances and all power to us ( woman)

Hi Emma

I am very open about what happened to me and how I felt through that time as if it can help even only one person it is worth it.

My Mum works with people in that situation now and I know she too finds it very rewarding.

Me. I was, for many years. Feel free to PM me as I can't put too much publicly due to who my ex was.