I'm going to be staying with my sister for two days over Christmas and this year I am 'allowed' to bring one of my dogs, so will be bringing my 7 month old pup. We go to my dad's on Xmas day for about 8/9 hours and apparently I am not allowed to bring him there. He is not used to my sister's house and I worry leaving him crated for the day (this would be insisted upon) will result in a day of distress for him and a day of constant barking.

i know i could leave him with piles of kongs and bones, and after a long walk (which sadly will have to be on lead in this area which is not mine) and some training but i will be worried about him for the whole day. he is used to being in our house and the company of our other two dogs when alone. my partner taking him is not an option.

I am so disappointed.

Ach, poor you.  I wouldn't be going near if it were me.  My family know that the dogs are an extention of my family.  If they were made to feel a hindrence or unwelcome, I wouldn't be attending either.  I prefer to spend time with people who love me.  ALL of me which includes my dog obsession!

I have a house-full on new years day and my entire extended family is coming to me.  My Poor Dogs!!! They are all going to be asconded to my bedroom for the day(will be torture for them, NOT!) so as not to get annoyed for my cousins/nephews/little fingers.  That is the only day that will be a hassle.  But no-one makes me feel that way.
We had taken our old spaniel to my mothers once and when we were out, I had left her in my mums spare room(where we were sleeping) on her bed which I had brought with us.  We went out for a few hours and upon returning, found that she had wrecked the room.  She had riped the wallpaper off the walls and dug up the carpet.  She had chewed all the skirting boards and ate a hole straight through the door!! Needless to say, we took the cage from then on!!lol

don't think I would go, I would be worried like you about leaving him in a cage for a long time.
if they are not dog people then you cant expect them to think of that as most people think dogs can be forgotten about and left at home ALL day! To be honest though it is their house and rules and you are the guest so do have to respect their requests.
Not sure what you can do unless a friend can take him while you are away??

It would be a no brainer for me.

No way would I leave any of mine for 8/9 hours.   Which means I would be staying home.  My sister would be welcome to come visit and have the dogs on her lap while here.

But they would no way be crated.  Honestly, no brainer.

I think I'm going to bring him to my dad's anyway. The only people who have said i can't are my sisters, because of their kids, and it's not just their Xmas, it's mine too. If i don't go I'll be sitting home alone for Xmas anyway.

It really DOES bother me, whether it should or shouldn't, that you're treated as less than because you don;'t have kids and how much you may care about your dogs or how they may be part of your family is ignored.

I have had years where family insisted I could not spend xmas "alone"  As a result I rushed around like an idiot in the morning feeding and walking the dog, feeding and working the horse in order to be up at theirs for "dinner time" to yet again be first there, wait 3 hours for "lunch" then scoot off straight after to be home in time to feed and sort out the beasties so as not to upset thier routine too much.  These days I refuse to go, or in a real pinch will take the dog so I can only stop for a bit - dog in car - usually at that point they relent and agree to the dog being allowed in the conservatory or some such. 

Would that be a possibility for you?  Drive yourself at least then you could shoot back early (or even a couple of times - done that before too)

Sorry, when I lost my husband I was invited to Xmas dinner with family, but not my dogs. I refused to go as my dogs are my kids. Instead I cooked myself a glorified roast ( which is all Xmas dinner is really ) and sat and ate it with my computer on the table and the video camera thingy ( I am not very technical ) turned on so I could talk to family who were also eating their dinner with their computer, and we could see each other and joke and talk. It was as we were sitting at the same table, except I had my beloved dogs with me at home, and I could turn it off when I wanted a nap.

Well Sillysue, you're not so silly at all...... :-D

That is a brilliant idea, like, like, very much. :-D

Inka, I kiss the feet of my family that we are all so into dogs and never have problems like this, our dogs are always part of the family. But, I fully understand where you are coming from as many of my friends are just like this too.

When people do not have dogs they often look at them as germ infested creatures with lose hair who are likely to wreck the house, little do they know how well trained most of our adults are, but, it's like when people don't have children they often can't stand ours and we don't know why... :-)

I guess priorities change with us all, what has often made me laugh my head off though are friends who wouldn't allow my dog to grace their homes, even when they see how spick and span and tidy mine is - yet when they get one they want to bring theirs to mine. and would be offended if I said no.

Could you not get a dog sitter to look after your dogs for the day inka, maybe next year you could add that in as part of the expense of Christmas I think I would do that if I didn't want to miss out on family, but couldn't leave my dog for that length of time.

Unfortunately, people just don't view our dogs as family very often, so like having a child we have to make arrangements.

It's not fair, but we have to roll with it I guess..........

dont 'do' the family christmas thing. i remember years ago my sister asked if my daughter and I would go to her for christmas day......the dog can go into her sons bedroom as he has moved out and didnt use it anymore!! really, did we both come out of the same womb!!

If my dog can't go then I don't go.
I wouldn't leave her alone in a strange house and I definitely wouldn't crate her, never mind for that long.

Do what you are comfortable with, not what others want. After all it is yours and your dogs Christmas too.

With a UK or Irish winter would having the boy stay part of the tie in the car be a possibility.  When we are away with ours they much prefer to stay crated in the car between times, though we ahve only stayed away with them with doggy folk.

Me and my doggy neighbour solve these times by nipping into each others houses to let dogs out while we do the respective family christmas rounds.  Neitehr of us goes for a whole day.

I have a choice of staying home alone on Christmas day or going to my daughter´s.  I am going to my daughter´s BUT I can´t take the dogs beause of my toddler grandson.  The dogs hate it there and get very stressed when "pain-in-the-neck" grandson is around so they will stay at home.  However, although I shall be out all day, I do endeavour to return before dark because I am not confident driving 50 miles alone across the county on country roads.  Hopefully the dogs will not find it too terrible and it is only one day a year.  Both dogs are mature adults and neither will need to be crated.

Bit different leaving 2 adult dogs at their own home to having to crate a youngster in a strangers house!  I would not have a problem doing what you are doing and it sounds better for the dogs anyway.  It's the way family (and the world at large) expect you to be able to just leave the dogs and suit them for the day.  Anybody expected to do that with their kids would be furious and yet I maintain it is harder to find someone I trust with my dogs than it would be to find someone capable of looking after children!

If you are driving I'd be inclined to bring the dog along, leave in the car if possible and get him out every few hours. I'm not into children or really care for them but that wouldn't ever be popular for the part of the family who have them saying leave your child elsewhere.. Just wouldn't happen..
Leaving your pup at your sisters to me is no issue if the pup can have a roam of a few rooms, not his crate, that is not on :-(
Luckily for me I have taken dogs and left in cars when they've been ill or they are left at home for a max of 5hrs as we all live close by..

I so agree with this, my sister in law despises my dogs and acts like they're so unimportant, I've missed out on SEVERAL occasions where she's said I can't bring them with me (naming ceremony, outdoors, still not allowed to bring my small dogs in case they, and I quote, poo on the prize-winning lawn), and I'm much happier at home with my dogs than I would be making small talk with them. I would bring your pup with you anyway and tell them to sod off.

I ensure mine has a good walk and then he stays by my side whilst in whichever house I am in and when we sit up to eat he goes in his crate with a chew, but where he can see us all and is no problem.

I'm afraid that any family who banned my dog would find me absent. What do your sisters think the dog will do to them and their children? Or are they an increasingly modern phenomenon, the child that runs screaming at the first sight of a dog?

Poor you. I think it is rude of your sisters and provided you control your dog at all times it is not really for them to tell you what can or cannot happen at your father's house, that is between you and him.

It's very annoying isn't it. I am 'allowed' to take my dogs, but they have to stay in the granny annex as my sister-in-law and therefore her children are scared of dogs. I am allowed to let them out for a wee, and to take them for walks, but if I try to spend more than 10 minutes sitting quietly on the sofa cuddling them, either someone comes round to visit, or I am called back to the main house for some spurious reason. At least this year we are at home and my parents are coming - they're also not very doggy, but they can't stop me having the dogs on my own sofa!

But the flip side of the coin.....
My cousin has 2 dogs,neither particularly well trained.  Well, They are OK but they are her babies so they get to climb all over her and sit infront of her face, essentially shutting her up.  They also bark continually if she is talking to people and ignoring them.  And they are usually wet!! 
She brought these dogs to a family party and let them run around the room, jumping on everyone who were wearing their good party clothes and then the dogs proceeded to steal the paper plates from the low tables, spilling drinks everywhere.  It was so uncomfortable.  And I'm a dog lover!!

OUR dogs are very much part of the family but their is a time and place too and they must be on their very best (ringside!) behaviour, not running riot.

PS Our dogs will be having christmas dinner along with us!lol

I can see this from both sides. If you are going to somebodys house you have to accept their rules eg no dogs, or taking your shoes off when you walk in the door. Thats common courtesy and respect. However, when you are looking at having to leave the dog for 8/9 hours I'd be weighing this up very carefully. Being so young you wont be able to give a massive long walk to burn him out and even if you could it is still a very long time to be left alone, combined with the fact that he will be in unfamiliar territory. I wouldnt be able to relax leaving him which would just spoil my day, therefore I wouldnt go. But thats my opinion and you must do what you feel is right for you, your dogs and the family xx

I also feel a bit insulted if you don't invite my dogs along.  But I make sure they are well behaved and very much under control.  Mind you - I would expect the same of parents re. children.  It's pretty much the same challenge - set boundaries & be fair but firm about them.

In the park there was a guy today yelling at his toddler to come back to him - the toddler was completely ignoring him.  I guess if he had a dog it would probably behave the same way . . .

>If you are going to somebodys house you have to accept their rules eg no dogs, or taking your shoes off when you walk in the door.

And if someone required me to take off my shoes then I wouldn't visit either, just as if I wouldn't go if I had to leave my dogs for 5+ hours. :-)

How about I crate my dog and leave it behind if you do the same with the children. Ask Dad, if he says no then say sorry I will not be there if he says yes then sod the sister.

> If you are going to somebodys house you have to accept their rules eg no dogs, or taking your shoes off when you walk in the door

Definitely :)

I am perfectly happy to repect people's wishes if they don't want my dogs in their house - it's their house. I would be very angry if someone turned up at my house with their dog unless they had asked me before if it was OK. If people are unable to go anywhere without their dog, then that is their problem. People are perfectly entitled to not like dogs nor want them in their house.

If i don't go I'll be sitting home alone for Xmas anyway

As will be many of us! Have to say, Christmas day alone with the dogs is a whole load less hassle than Christmas day with the relatives ;-)

>If i don't go I'll be sitting home alone for Xmas anyway<br /><br /

>As will be many of us! Have to say, Christmas day alone with the dogs is a whole load less hassle than Christmas day with the relatives ;-)

Me too!  :-)  :-)  :-)

> Christmas day alone with the dogs is a whole load less hassle than Christmas day with the relatives ;-)

LOL. oh I wish, have my 100 year old Aunt here visiting!

Have not visited my eldest sister for 8 years, her dog (now sadly died) was welcome to visit us but our two - yes I know they're hounds - have never been welcomed there.

>Have not visited my eldest sister for 8 years

Well, I have not even seen mine, or mother in many years!  They moved house without telling me!    Truly.

My mother genuinely dislikes animals.  And she thinks that people who keep them are dirty.  (If she walked into my house and saw all my dogs, she would have a bloody seizure!)  :-)

I have always thought that they must have given her the wrong baby in hospital.  :-)

Except I was born at home.  :-(

My sister takes after mum, and she almost had a stroke years ago when she saw a paw mark on a cushion.  It was a Toy Poodle, so no big deal.  If you had seen the look on my sisters face, she reeved her nose up as if I had held a dog turd under it.

The drawback for me was that her 2 girls don't like dogs.  Are actually frightened of them.  The eldest was hysterical when she saw a Toy Poodle pup.  Years later, the youngest, seeing that I had another Bearded Collie, said I don't bloody believe it, you've got another Shetland Pony living in the house.  My 2 Beardies are now 12 and 14 years.  My nieces will never know what superb temperaments they have as a breed.  Their loss.

Not sure what to say Jean, but excuse me for saying it sounds as if you'll be having a better Christmas alone with the dogs. Have a good day!

Thank you!  :-)  :-)  :-)

> I worry leaving him crated for the day (this would be insisted upon) will result in a day of distress for him and a day of constant barking.

Yes, I'd imagine it would. Being caged and abandoned alone in a strange house would be hugely stressful for most dogs, I certainly wouldn't even consider it. If I felt I had to go somewhere the dogs weren't welcome then I would drive myself, take them for a long walk and then leave them in the car long enough to eat dinner and then leave.

I'd rather have Christmas at home alone than not be able to take my dogs somewhere.

Luckily my in laws have always welcomed our dogs as much as their other 'grandchildren'. We have Christmas at home now and anyone who doesn't like dogs doesn't come. We usually have a mixture of friends and family :)

I would never expect someone to accept my dog into their house.  I wouldn't leave my dog crated or otherwise in a strange house either.  My dog is quite happy to stay in the car - it is her house on wheels after all!  If it is warm I use the crate to leave the boot open.  If it is cold she stays in the boot.  We had friends call at our house this year who we hadn't seen for a few years.  They walked in through the front door with their dog without a by your leave!  Their dog then went straight to Meg's bed and cocked his leg on it.  Another aquaintance came to the door the other day with her young dog who really tries Meg's patience to the limit - my husband had to say that she was welcome to come in anytime - without the dog.  I can imagine her reaction if Meg got really cross with her wild little youngster - (who really needs telling!) 

Would never expect anyone to accept my dogs but if they don't then the invitation is declined however in this case it is a rejection by a third party so I think the person concerned should be asked how they feel about it.

I would also make a distinction between other people and family events. Family generally know how important your dogs are to you and how easy or not it is to totally exclude your dogs. Where there is genuine fear of animals I do understand, but then that is where a crate in situ can work wonders...provided the dog is calm and relaxed.

I tend to agree that for non dog lovers a rambunctious in your face dog can be a real turn off and I would not expect people that do not care for dogs to readily accept a badly behaved one. However, if it's a calm, well trained dog I do think that family should try to meet you halfway.

As I suspected, the root of this particular family problem seems to be the sister-in-law's dog phobia which has been passed on to her children and she is seemingly trying to control the environment rather than seeing this as her problem which she expects everyone else to share. Would they accept the dog if he was crated while they were in the room with you I wonder? Problem is that in those situations you can end up feeling so tense that the dog picks up on it and behaves badly. I agree that the car might be an option with regular visits and little bits of Xmas turkey, perhaps? If anyone dares to tut, tut that you are visiting the dog too often, I would point out that you rather than they are actively managing their phobia.

Oooh, sorry Inka, I think I've partly mixed you up with Lucydogs, and made a massive assumption about why your sisters' don't want your dog/s near their kids...oh well, I tried.

inka, we've all been there :-)--don't be disappointed, we all have our own idiosyncrasies. My younger son has been very upset about the whole thing--he likes the dogs in small doses, but doesn't want them all over him, and hates the dog hair. We had a talk earlier in the year about it and I tried my best to make him understand that the dogs are my family too, that as an adult he is free to choose whether or not he comes back up here for Christmas and that I certainly don't blame him or feel badly about whatever choice he makes. So he is going to his dad's and cooking Christmas there. I'll miss him like mad but respect his choice. My older son is off with friends so we (my four dogs and I) are on our own. While it would be nice to share the day with family it is far better not to feel that tension and upset when everyone has to compromise on what they really want and no one is happy.

I hope things work out for you and that you do have a very happy Christmas, whatever you decide.

My Rellies don't really like my dogs at anytime of the year. I have three dogs, two sisters and a sibling, all very different colours e.g Black/White, Brown and White. After 7 years, my parents can't even remember their names, just talk about them as "the black and white one" etc.
Mine all sleep with us on the sofa during the evening which does not go down very well with them. Did suggest they bring a fold up chair as we do not have enough seats, (trying to make a point) and i too thought a seizure was imminent!!.
So... On Christmas Day we will go to the beach and play with our frizbe and ball and have a paddle, then home for rub down and a full christmas dinner which they love. After i've lit the fire they will cuddle up on the sofa and sleep. A perfect day in my eyes.

I can see both sides too.  We had a wedding to go to.  Another time the person being visited had a very allergic child.  We have a boarding kennel the dogs Love so much it's almost like they don't want to come home.  We have neighbours and friends whose dogs we walk and feed and they do the same for us.

One such neighbour had a wife dying in hospital a good two hour drive away.  It was awful, she did not go quickly.  All on our street took turns with their little Schnauzer.

My good friend's dog does not car ride well, they have to sedate him.  To avoid that they often leave him and I and her other friends and neighbours go feed, walk and bathroom him.

Sometimes the dog just can't go so I like to get my alternatives established before they are needed.

I can see both sides too.  We had a wedding to go to.  Another time the person being visited had a very allergic child.  We have a boarding kennel the dogs Love so much it's almost like they don't want to come home.  We have neighbours and friends whose dogs we walk and feed and they do the same for us.

One such neighbour had a wife dying in hospital a good two hour drive away.  It was awful, she did not go quickly.  All on our street took turns with their little Schnauzer.

My good friend's dog does not car ride well, they have to sedate him.  To avoid that they often leave him and I and her other friends and neighbours go feed, walk and bathroom him.

Sometimes the dog just can't go so I like to get my alternatives established before they are needed.

I can see both sides too.  We had a wedding to go to.  Another time the person being visited had a very allergic child.  We have a boarding kennel the dogs Love so much it's almost like they don't want to come home.  We have neighbours and friends whose dogs we walk and feed and they do the same for us.

One such neighbour had a wife dying in hospital a good two hour drive away.  It was awful, she did not go quickly.  All on our street took turns with their little Schnauzer.

My good friend's dog does not car ride well, they have to sedate him.  To avoid that they often leave him and I and her other friends and neighbours go feed, walk and bathroom him.

Sometimes the dog just can't go so I like to get my alternatives established before they are needed.

Sounds pretty similar to what my doggy friend and neighbour do between us, makes for less stress for all, and the dogs are probably much happier at home.

As I have 6 medium size stocky double coated dogs, and she used to have 4 large of a short haired guarding breed, we perfectly understood that our choice of companions was not what others would be comfortable with.

It does give me an excuse to keep family visits shorter if I wish, as I need to get back to the dogs, LOL :)

About 14 years ago my brother got married and my 2 dogs were invited to the wedding as he knew that was the only way I'd go :-D Several people didn't even realise there were dogs there until they saw us leaving the reception!

Kayenine my daughter took her dogs to her own wedding, she had little satin sailor collars made for them ( Boxers and JR ) and insisted they were in the photo's. Great Day !!!

I think I must be weird...it has been said LOL   But my daughter and son-in-law and his family have requested I bring the dogs on Xmas day ...yes really....unlike my family who understand but cant help the "oh the dogs always come first" comments.

But I feel it would ruin my day as I will be up and down letting them out, worrying if they cock a leg or something and wont enjoy a relaxing afternoon.

Am lucky as family and daughter are local.....so I prefer mahoosive long walk for dogs in morning, rip-roaring fire for dogs, then fed and left to snooze on the sofas by the fire with telly on. 

They will be more than happy as I wont be gone more that 5 hours ....bet they wont even wake up !

I know it isnt that easy for some of you and its hard choice.... my family would  be right and the dogs would come first
Jan

I had two of my girls as doggie bridesmaids.

They were treated just like all the guests in the lovely 5* Hotel we had the wedding at !

They just wandered about getting fusses from everybody they met and even had their own wedding meal :-)

We don't do family visits at Christmas as nobody is willing to accept 5 dogs so we stay home with them. If people want to visit us they are more than welcome and my parents usually do for a couple of days.

Bless my mother in law.  She doesn't even like dogs but makes an exception for Maisie and Billy and they are always welcome.  She even has treats for them!  After tearing around meeting everybody they spend most of the time asleep In front of the fire! 

Sometimes you have got to be strong and say sorry you don't think it's right to leave the dogs alone.  After all your relatives don't seem bothered about upsetting you!

When my mum lived on her own she always welcomed our dogs as she knew we wouldn't leave them at home for hours on end.  But when she moved in with my sister, who has two cats, things changed and, although we are still welcome the dogs certainly aren't.  Consequently we very rarely see each other these days......

My dog hates strangers or generally people (old or young) with whom she is not familiar. She hates to be touched, hates to be looked at, hates to be anywhere other than close to me and also hates anyone else to get near me.

I mostly, therefore, CAN'T take her anywhere anyway. :)

*goes to look up posts on "un-learning learned behaviours" and "resource guarding"*

Well I got stressed over nothing. After I had said to my sister that he would be distressed left alone and i wouldn't do it she said of course bring him, as did everyone else. She had not realised. We stayed in her house on Xmas eve and she, her husband and the kids were all insane about the pup and loved having him to stay. There are two little girls (4 and 2) who really want a dog now ;) :) Puppy spent the day at my dad's on the sofa in the conversatory eating bones (!) because they were planning to wash the covers anyway so what's the harm? (!) Then we went to visit my elderly grandparents as my grandad (95) is crazy about dogs and he was overjoyed to meet the pup and nearly didn't let me bring him home! They wanted me to stay the night and said pup can sleep on my bed if i like!