Not from me. If someone wants to stay at home with their children - fair play to them. But lets not judge the mum who can't make it to the Christmas Play because we don't know the full story eh?

>Not from me.

No, not from you. But I've heard it a lot. :( Many mums certainly need to go out to work to support their children, and they're to be applauded for doing so rather than living off the state. However it doesn't get away from the fact that sometimes the children miss out because of it, just as the children of non-paid work mums (I won't say 'fulltime mums', because all mothers are fulltime, and I won't say 'mothers who don't work' because they still work damned hard) sometimes miss out on luxury items that other children might have. No lifestyle is perfect.

Thats right. I completely agree. However, it is very unfortunate that a lot of women who *would* like to stay at home are no longer able to.  With the average house price far exceeding the income of a single income earner in the family these days it is obvious that some mums must go back to work.

And there is no point saying "they shouldn't have children then" (not saying you say that!!) because thats not realistic either! If everyone who couldn't afford to stay at home didn't have children the country would be on its knees in a few years time

There is no ideal solution - and perhaps mums get defensive about their *choices* because they are not actually their choices to make. They are made for them.

>There is no ideal solution - and perhaps mums get defensive about their *choices* because they are not actually their choices to make. They are made for them

This is a vitally important point, because mums are made to feel guilty about going to work.  No one here is criticising working mums and it's a pity that not all women have the choice. 

There is no ideal solution - and perhaps mums get defensive about their *choices* because they are not actually their choices to make. They are made for them.

Hold on - we all make our own choices! ;)  It depends on what each one of us considers necessities of life.  I was divorced when my daughter was 2 years old and managed to only work part time because I considered that being a Mum was the most important job I was ever going to do.  But then I did wait until I had a reasonable home (and half share was a substancial chunk of a 3 bed semi!) before I even considered producing a child. :)

If someone wants to have a child, work fulltime and make provision so that the child doesn't miss out during the difficult times, school holidays, sickness etc, then that's just fine too. :)

All down to choice.  Not producing the child first and THEN assessing the choices.

My mum has always worked, but never missed a sports day or anything like that.  However, from a fairly young age I was sent to school with disprin in my pocket to take if I didn't feel well (the school wouldn't give you these).  If I was really ill my parents would come and get me.  I don't think this has done me any harm and is probably why I have a strong work ethic and feel guilty if I'm off sick (which isn't often and has usually involved a hospital visit).

>but what about those mums who can't go and whose fathers choose not too?

No one is having a pop at working mums.  If mums have to or choose to work it doesn't mean that the child is cared for any less.  In actual fact, my children didn't have many of the entertainment things like stereos etc that other kids had because I didn't work full time.  Material things aren't important to me but to a 9 year old in my house it was the end of the world because she could have the latest gameboy or Nike trainers. 

>And those of us who have to work don't need the "perfect mum" set making us feel any worse!

No such thing as a perfect mum ;)

My mum always worked, whether part or full time and she was always there for us if needed :)
I've always worked, whether part or full time and I am always there for my kids, and my boss(es) have known this too :) And I've took my maternity leave to which I was entitled :)

>No such thing as a perfect mum

No, but there are those who *think* they are perfect.

I just wish both sets of mothers would respect the choices of each other. Women should be sticking together, not fighting and putting each other down.

Women should be sticking together, not fighting and putting each other down.

Well said :)

>Women should be sticking together, not fighting and putting each other down.

I don't think this happens generally, but when discussions on working mums do crop up whether on here or TV etc the extreme viewpoints become apparent.  IMO it is widely accepted that these days working women, whether mothers or not, are essential for the economy. Personally I have far more respect for those mums who are able to juggle children (and everything that entails) and full-time work than those who use their children as an excuse to claim benefits.

Neither working mums nor non-working mums should feel the need to be defensive. There are advantages and disadvantages to both situations, for both parents and children.

I was lucky had a half way solution - I came out to work and left hubby at home to look after the babies.  Mind you that was all he did - I still had all the rest of the domesticated stuff to do!

:P thats what my sister did Maxine, but after 7 weeks of school holidays he decided HE would be the one to go to work :P :P

Haven't had a chance to reply to your post because I have been working and shopping :D

It's very generous of you to refer to me as a perfect mother, Chloe :D I'm afraid that my children would strongly refute that :D I just tried my best for my children and like most, I am only human - so perfection doesn't come in to it :D

Unfortunately, the mothers of my generation in the Eighties decided (in my opinion) that they must have it all and exchanged the much-maligned, stay-at-home mum and a generation of better mannered, happier children for today's children who have everything materially (computers, DVDs, TVs in the bedroom, holidays in Florida etc etc etc), but are worse mannered, unhappier and often badly educated. HOWEVER - as I should have said before - this does not apply to ALL families and mothers. There are always mothers who HAVE to work to pay for the necessities in life - there is nothing wrong with this. But there are a lot who do not have to work full-time and could afford to give just a few, precious years to raising their own children and foresaking the unnecessary luxuries :(

I've said my piece and make no apologies for my opinions

Daisy

All too often we see employers expecting existing staff to cover, and not only for people on maternity leave - it also happens a lot when someone leaves and the position is never re-filled.
There should always be some level of cover provided, even if only on a junior level to help the staff left cope with the extra work.

One of our sons has just begun 6 months unpaid paternity leave now that his wife has returned to work - he's made some sacrifices to do this, but is happy in the knowledge that he'll be looking after their first baby, and will then be able to go back to his career. His job is being covered by a qualified person on a temporary basis until his return early next year, so he doesn't feel guilty leaving his colleagues to cope.