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Up Topic Dog Boards / Rainbow Bridge / Alfie 24.06.2006 to 28.03.3017
- By Tessies Tracey Date 05.04.17 00:38 GMT
I am so broken.

We had to make the decision to let Alfie go so suddenly last week.

I still don't know if we made the right call.  He had two seizures, the first one we weren't even sure was a seizure, but within 9 hours - the second one was huge and we (and the vet) think it did some serious damage to his poor brain.

After tests and blood tests, nothing was apparent as to the cause and so the vet suggested that if he have one more seizure, the best thing to do would be to put him to sleep.  The vet seemed to think it was definitely something neurological.

After the awful second seizure, we just couldn't bear the thought of him having another and he was so confused and dazed.

He barely recognised us when we went to the vet.  He was a completely different dog.

We didn't stay with him when he was given his wings.  As much as it would have been painful for us, why oh why didn't I stay with my boy.

I feel that we have done so many things wrong, unsure of our decision and I don't know that I can ever forgive myself.  I feel like I have let him down. 

Run free my beautiful boy.  I miss you.  I love you.
- By Goldenmum [gb] Date 05.04.17 06:12 GMT Upvotes 2
You did the right thing letting him go.  Don't beat yourself up, instead remember the good times.  I am so sorry for your loss.  x
- By Goldenfrenzy [gb] Date 05.04.17 08:42 GMT Upvotes 1
I am so sorry for your loss.
You were in a lose/lose situation as if he had had another bad seizure you would have hated yourself for putting him through that again.
I had to make a decision with my "heart" dog and 15 months on even though I stayed with him at the end I still feel that I let him down wondering if I could have done more to keep him going.  But  deep down I know that would have been for my sake and not what was best for him. 
He knew how much he was loved. Take comfort from that.  My thoughts are with you.
- By Harley Date 05.04.17 21:37 GMT Upvotes 3
Always remember the saying "Better a week too soon than a day too late". You did what was best for him but it's never easy and feeling the way you do is all a part of the grieving process - when you lose them suddenly it is a huge shock. He is no longer suffering and you gave him that final, greatest gift which is always the hardest to give.
- By Goldmali Date 06.04.17 00:44 GMT Upvotes 2
Ditto to Harley. Sooner is always better than later. Now you KNOW Alfie will not suffer, and he will not have been aware of what was going on. To have two seizures so close to each other, and one so major -chances are he'd have ended up with ones that would quickly follow each other and be even more difficult, maybe not stopping at all.

Years ago I worked as a vet nurse. My boss would tell some pet owners that they would be better off NOT staying when their animal was put to sleep, as they were clearly so upset that the animal would notice and get worried. I have always borne this in mind. I stay with mine but at times it has been SO difficult to keep calm, and then I feel guilty that the last thing my dog/cat knew was me being pretty much hysterical. There is no right or wrong answer, only what is right or wrong for YOU. By the sound of it, Alfie probably wasn't even aware that you weren't there.

You did nothing wrong. But I'm sure we all know how much it hurts.
- By Tessies Tracey Date 06.04.17 01:48 GMT
Thank you all so much for your kind words and thoughts.

I think it takes other 'dog' people to completely understand where we're coming from.

Those words 'better a week too soon, than a day too late' make complete sense.  I hadn't thought of it that way until I read those words.  Thank you.

And Goldmali, your experience as a vet nurse and your words give me some comfort.  And you're completely right - we were so distraught and in floods of tears.  Given Alfie was a Stafford, (meaning he was half human of course) he was particularly sensitive to emotions.  In particular mine, so I am sure he would have known that I was so very upset and I would not have wanted to make him feel more stressed than he already was.

Thank you all so much.  From the bottom of my heart, your words really have helped.

His absence is significantly felt in this house. :cry:

- By Treacle [gb] Date 07.04.17 22:22 GMT
I think the guilt is a function of how much you loved them. Everyone feels the same. Sorry you are feeling so sad. Hugs. Xx
Up Topic Dog Boards / Rainbow Bridge / Alfie 24.06.2006 to 28.03.3017

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