I had my darling CS Panny put to sleep this morning. She was 14 and had been on heart meds for ages, but 2 nights ago she seemed as though she had a stroke, very disorientated and upset. Twice during the night she needed to go out and each time she was so long I had to put my dressing gown on and search for her with a torch. Each time I found her curled up under a bush as though she had given up and wanted to die. Each time I carried her back indoors and snuggled her with a hot water bottle in her bed. The same happened again last night, she just laid under a bush in the frost until I carried her in.
She was still eating and pooing normally, but her brain was not working the way it should.
This morning my vet told me that this was her way of accepting that she had had enough and had given up. Had she been a younger dog there were tests that could be done, but at her age it was only putting off the inevitable - so I let her go.
I am crying as I put all of her blankets on to wash and clear up, more for my sake than anything else, as it hurts to see all of her things around. I cuddled her as they administered the injection and told her that I loved her and talked to her about some of the good days we had, but I doubt she could hear me.
I know you will all know what I feel at this moment.